Page 14 of Fabulous Filthy Friend

“Well, are you ever going to be more than friends?”

He stiffens next to me. I’m glad he and I are on the same page with this so it doesn’t get awkward. His eyes remain locked on something outside on the street. He doesn’t even want to look at her.

This whole conversation is making him super uncomfortable. Emily brings it up almost every time we’re all together, so he should be used to it by now. Maybe whatever happened back at Mass today has put him on edge.

I shake my head. “No, Emily, like we’ve told you a hundred times, we’re just friends. Totally platonic.”

She sighs and gets a dreamy, faraway look. “I know, but a mother can dream.”

Tears burn my eyes. She just wants to see Flynn happy, like Mom would want to see me happy. And I’m sure seeing us together confuses Emily—like it confuses Alicia and according to her, any guy I date, too.

I don’t understand why people can’t grasp the concept of a platonic relationship between a guy and a girl. It is possible. We’re proof of that. Five years going strong. I reach across the table, and Emily places one of her hands in mine.

“Emily, you know that no matter what happens, I will always be in Flynn’s life. Even when he gets married and I hopefully eventually get married, and we finally find the loves of our lives, I’ll always be his friend and yours.” I glance over at him. “He’s stuck with me for life.”

She nods, and tears pool in her eyes. Her hand slips from mine, and she swipes at her cheeks. “I know. I just want so much for both of you to be happy and to have what I had with Niall.”

From the stories they’ve both told me, it seems Emily and Niall had an idyllic marriage. The kind everyone dreams of and hopes for. A true happily ever after. Losing him so young brought that perfect life to a screeching halt.

A freak heart attack they never saw coming. That’s the thing with life, though. You never know where the twists and turns will take you.

There are times I wish I had that kind of childhood, that kind of relationship to use as a model for my own marriage. But Mom and Dad were about as far from idyllic as possible.

The man had a lot of faults. Ones he was only able to recognize, admit, and apologize for at the end of his life. I could be bitter about it, the way Jameson still is and Bash was until Dad was literally on his death bed, but if things had been different, I probably wouldn’t be so close with either of them.

Having a big brother to look out for me and a little one to protect, in turn, meant we formed a bond as siblings that Flynn never got a chance to have because of his father’s death.

It’s why I miss them so much and have felt so lost since Dad’s death. They’re the only family I have left, and we all see each other so rarely. It makes having friends like Flynn around even more important.

Flynn leans forward and grabs his mother’s hand. “I know, Ma, and we both will be. Eventually…”

My heart aches at the sadness in Flynn’s voice. There’s a longing there. Almost as if there is someone. Someone he’s interested in, maybe even in love with. Someone he can’t have or is possibly hiding from his mom and me.

So why doesn’t he want to talk about it?

Is that what was really going on back there in church? Was it really about work?

It’s now my mission to find out.

That’s what best friends do. They pry and poke and prod until you open up and reveal your deepest, darkest secrets, and they help you work through them. And while there are always things I’ll never tell Flynn, I’m not going to let him get away with keeping whatever’s eating him up from coming out.

That’s just not a healthy way to live.

4

RACHEL

“Thanks for the coffee, Mom. I’ll see you next week.” Flynn hugs his mom, and she kisses him on the cheek and whispers something into his ear that makes him cringe and nod before she approaches me.

Emily throws her arms around my shoulders and squeezes tightly. “It was really good to see you, Rachel. Don’t be a stranger. You don’t have to be hanging out with this guy”—she motions over her shoulder with her thumb—“to give me a call if you need anything.”

Her eyes search over me sympathetically, like she can see right through the brave face I put on sometimes and she truly understands what I’m going through. Losing both Mom and Dad in a five-year span has left me feeling lost and vulnerable, especially so far away from Bash and Jameson. The McAllisters have offered me a “found family” here, and I never want them to think I take it for granted.

“I appreciate that more than words can say.” I squeeze her tightly. “Thank you, Emily.”

“Figure out what’s up my son’s ass today.”

I pull back and snicker. Leave it to Emily to call him out. Even she can see something is bothering him. Though, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get him to talk given the way he reacted outside the church. He’s definitely on edge and defensive, which is so unlike the Flynn I know and love.

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