Page 96 of Dirty Pucking Player

It is completely hypocritical of me to be mad at him for choosing his career over us when I did the exact same thing. I could have quit, but that option never even crossed my mind. All I saw was the fight to get to this point and what quitting might say to other little girls in hockey skates. But I could have explained it in a way that made it clear I wasn’t quitting because I couldn’t handle it or wasn’t good at my job. I could have chosen Bash.

“I guess you’re right. It isn’t fair to be mad at him about that.”

Jill grins at me and throws up her hands. “Praise the Lord! You finally admitted I’m right for once. I feel like I should write this down for posterity purposes.”

I scowl at her. “Don’t be a jackass.”

Her laughter floats through the air, lifting my spirits despite everything happening. “You know I’m only trying to be your voice of reason.”

I nod. “I know, and thank you for that and for bringing the food and booze. I really needed it tonight.”

“I figured. So, what are you going to do now?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, now that you might be fired and you’re single.”

“Oh…well…I guess I wait to see what Bob decides, and if I get fired, I try to find a new job. And as far the being single goes…”—I sigh and take another sip of my wine—“there’s really nothing I can do about that. Bash and I were doomed from the start. I just have to accept that it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe in another life, in another world or another time, if we were in different professions, in different positions, but not like this.”

Admitting that is almost as painful as hearing Bash say the words “it’s over” the other night.

But it’s true.

We can’t go back on what was said, on how we hurt each other, on how selfish we both were. The damage has been done, and he doesn’t want to change anything.

She nods and frowns. “It’s sad.”

“What? My love life?”

She snorts and shakes her head. “That you two can’t work it out. You were so happy. Even with all the stress of worrying about getting caught. You just seem to really like him.”

That’s a huge understatement, though I don’t have the guts to speak the truth out loud, even to Jill.

I more than like him.

With every sly smile, with every arrogant wisecrack, with every damn heated look and wink…that bastard made me fall in love with him. And he did it knowing it would never go anywhere.

25

GREER

Waiting for the axe to drop is agony.

I thought Bob would’ve made a decision by now, but it’s been a week of sitting and waiting. Wondering how things could’ve gone so damn wrong.

And of missing Bash.

I don’t want to. God knows I don’t.

The man is as infuriating as he is handsome, and I want to forget his kiss and his touch and the way he smirked when he had a devilish intention for me. But I can’t.

All those things are etched into my brain permanently.

I started to call him a hundred times only to remind myself that there’s no point. No matter what we do, one of us is giving up something too important for this to ever work. Plus he said he didn’t want to let me in, didn’t want me any closer. He flat out told me he was pushing me away intentionally.

Which means there’s nothing else I can do.

So, wallowing in my pajamas with a Webflix marathon of 90s television comedies seems like the best way to pass the time until the other shoe drops. It’s completely out of my hands now, and though I may want to crawl into a hole and cry, I’m going to settle for the couch and a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

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