Page 92 of A Spell of Midlife Mayhem

Neither would I have to talk to Raven. That would be painful. I truly liked him. I had the feeling that he would tell me I was giving up and running away.

Wasn’t I? Yes. I may as well admit it to myself, even if I couldn’t summon the courage to admit it to others.

I didn’t want to take the time to pack my new stuff. Besides, I didn’t have a suitcase to put it in. All I had to do was pick up my recovered suitcase at the airport, meet Terry and check it in for the flight home. I could text Raven later on and ask him to send me the witchy stuff I’d bought—if I still wanted it.

I let myself out of the house and walked to Kingston train station, where I caught a train into central London. During the half-hour trip, the train became packed, and I was squeezed into my window seat by people standing in the aisles looking down at me with vacant expressions. Of course, these strangers couldn’t know I was running away from my problems again, but I still imagined they did.

Waterloo station was mayhem, with hundreds of commuters walking across the concourse in all directions, emerging from the platforms to hurry towards the exits or the underground. They weaved around each other with skilful ease, while I bumped into several people before I’d gone even a few metres.

To catch my breath, I bought a takeaway coffee and a pastry from a tiny concourse eatery. I ate it and sat leisurely until the whirlwind of activity around me had died down considerably.

Once it was quieter, I texted Rachel.

I’m not wanted here, and everything has gone to shit. I’m flying back to NZ tonight. See you soon.

Five minutes passed without a response. It was evening in New Zealand. Maybe Rachel had gone to bed.

I video called Rose. It wasn’t too late for my daughter.

After exchanging pleasantries, I asked her if she knew her dad had flown to England to take me back with him.

Rose gasped. ‘No. I had no idea. I’m amazed he would do that. He’s never been beyond Australia before, has he? Is he with you now?’

‘No, he’s in Birmingham.’

‘Why is he in Birmingham?’

‘Never mind. I’m going to meet him later today. Tomorrow morning, your time.’

Rose’s expression changed to one of surprise. ‘Have you forgiven him for cheating on you?’

I gritted my teeth. ‘No, of course not.’

‘Then... why, Mum? Have you forgotten what we talked about? About you standing up for yourself?’

‘It’s not that simple, Rose—’

‘Isn’t it? Dad isn’t good for you, Mum.’

‘I know, but he says he’s changed. He says he needs me.’

Rose stared at me with a stunned expression. ‘That’s not what life is about, Mum. We talked about this.’

‘You talked about it. I listened.’

‘You didn’t listen well enough. Something must have happened. Tell me what’s going on.’

I took a deep breath, then spilled it all. Everything. Even the ghosts, and how I’d fucked up everything. ‘And that’s why I have to leave,’ I ended.

‘What bullshit is that, Mum?’

‘It’s not bullshit. It’s my life.’

‘All you’re doing is running away from your problems again.’

‘Maybe.’ I couldn’t deny it. It was true.

‘At least think about your options before getting on that plane.’

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