Page 345 of Halfblood Deceived

Andreas and Mari were having a glaring contest that Aiko watched with curiosity. Luce and Gabby were raving about a new fantasy series. Kamilla, Aylana, and Sebastian discussed the opening of a new shelter.

Diana asked Dyson something Aella didn’t hear well. Her attention went to Isaiah, who left the room quietly. His handsome face was a mask of conflict.

Aella bit her lip. She looked around at the smiling faces of her friends, her true family, and felt her peaceful happiness mix with a pang that spread across her chest. Part of her still didn’t think she deserved this. Maybe that would never change. She gave Zeydan’s hand a squeeze that he returned before letting her go and then left the dining area, too.

* * *

Aella found Isaiah sitting on the steps of the patio, located at the back of the mansion. He gazed unseeingly at the fruit trees and beds of roses.

She sat next to him but said nothing. Sometimes, all that mattered was not being alone. And she wasn’t quite sure what to say, either.

“Are they always like that?” Isaiah asked.

Aella nodded. “Yes.”

His brow furrowed. “The Davashkov twins are not what I expected.”

The memory of the first time Aella had seen Kamilla in the flesh invaded her mind’s eye. She smiled. “Yeah. I know what you mean. I was so scared of Kamilla at first, but she was so kind to me. She helped me dress when I was too weak to do it by myself. I owe her my sanity ten times over. She’s one of my dearest friends. I love her.”

Isaiah turned to examine her. “She loves you too, I can see it in her eyes. They all care about you. And Zeydan, he’s your true mate, isn’t he?”

Aella nodded, feeling warmed from the inside out just thinking about Zeydan. “Yes. He is.”

Isaiah sighed, pressing his fingers against his forehead as he did when he had a migraine. “They’re not the foul monsters they taught us. I know that now. I had known for a while already, but I tried to deny it to myself. And then I saw Aiko’s family. That’s what they were—a family. And I couldn’t excuse what we did anymore.” His dark eyes met Aella’s again. “I had never seen a family before that day. I was never part of something like that.”

Aella swallowed hard. “I believe you.”

“But I still have blood on my hands,” Isaiah continued. A heart-wrenching mix of shame, remorse, and rage pulsed from him. “How many of the vampires I helped to hunt down were innocent? How many had families waiting for them? Fuck. How many had a pet waiting for them, or no one at all, but were not evil? And I helped kill them. I—” He blinked fast. “I don’t know how to live with this.”

Aella’s eyes burned. “Months ago, I decided I couldn’t live with it.”

Isaiah turned to look at her, brow furrowed and dark eyes questioning.

Aella inhaled deeply. “I heard Aiko’s screams in my head in my sleep and awake too. I felt dirty with guilt for celebrating the gargoyles killing “vampire monsters.” And I almost ended my life over that guilt.” She’d never talked about this with anyone but Diana, Kamilla, and Zeydan. But Isaiah deserved to hear it.

He took in a rough breath, horror, and understanding flashing in his eyes. “God, Aella.”

She rolled her shoulders, feeling restless. “Zeydan stopped me. And I realized I didn’t want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop. Diana and Kamilla helped me find reasons to keep on living. It’s not my fault I was so ignorant and prejudiced. It would have been my fault if I hadn’t changed when I had the evidence of the truth right before my eyes.” She reached out and placed her hand on Isaiah’s. “It’s not your fault, either. And you have changed as well. You need to find a reason to move forward. Even if that reason is just, ‘they want me dead and miserable, and I won’t let them break me.’”

Isaiah turned his hand to gently grip Aella. He gave her the tiniest of smiles. “Wise words. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Aella said.

His shoulders drooped. “I need to change some more. There are many prejudices I still need to shed.” He wrinkled his nose. “I feel tempted to decapitate Aroth, you know? He said it was instinct for gargoyles to want to kill demons.”

Aella’s brow furrowed in thought. “Hmm. I’ve never felt that way about him. Or Vaz, he’s my coworker.”

Isaiah shook his head, huffing. “You work with a demon?”

Aella half smiled. “I do. He’s nice.”

Isaiah sighed. “I don’t want to feel this way about Aroth. He’s unnerving, and he had fun needling me during the interrogation with the Davashkov twins and Duke Dragomir. But… part of me tells me he’s not one of the bad guys.”

“He’s not,” Aella confirmed.

Isaiah nodded. “I want to do better, and to do… something. Something to stop the Order from killing innocents. But I can’t—” He let out a long breath. “I know something I’m not supposed to know about the Order. But I can’t just… How do you draw the line between betrayal and doing what’s right?”

Aella chewed her lip. “Well, I think the line is blurry as Hell. But I drew it by not risking innocent lives.”

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