Page 194 of Halfblood Deceived

Sebastian nudged Aella’s foot with his. “I completely agree with Aylana, and not just because she is my bonded soulmate and I want to stay in her good graces.”

Aylana rolled her eyes at him.

Aella couldn’t help but smile. “So you say.”

Sebastian chuckled.

Aylana took a long swig of water, then fixed thoughtful eyes on Aella. “You are still confused.”

“I don’t understand what this means.”

“Not surprising, considering your upbringing,” Sebastian said, not unkindly. “I think that what you’re experiencing is called a bi crisis, darling.”

Aylana elbowed his arm.

“What?” Sebastian asked with faux innocence.

“I’m not bisexual,” Aella protested reflexively. But something agitated inside her—a mix of apprehension and realization. “If I were, shouldn’t I have known earlier?”

Sebastian groaned as he stretched his arms and spine. “Nope. I didn’t know I could find males attractive until one snogged me senseless against a burning church’s confession booth.” He grinned at Aella’s surprised expression. “That is a very long story, and I’ll tell you all about it sometime, I promise. But the point is that not all of us know from the start. I was thirty-something.”

Aylana smiled at him. “Aww. You were a late bloomer.”

Sebastian flipped his hair. “But I bloomed perfectly.”

Aella couldn’t help but smile. Sebastian pretended to be vain, but he was far from it. She’d learned that during the last couple of weeks when he accompanied Diana, Aylana, and her during their training sessions. There was always something like awe in Sebastian’s platinum eyes whenever Aylana kissed him. Something that said ‘I can’t believe you chose me.’

“I knew since I was about thirteen,” Aylana said, hazel eyes turning faraway with memories. “I had a crush on my neighbor. Her name was Lila. She had curly hair and a million freckles.” She shrugged, meeting Aella’s eyes. “But we could be wrong about you. Only you can know.”

Aella bit her lip as a patchwork of memories she’d tried so hard to bury weaved through her mind. The pretty face of Joanie—the blonde young novice who had baked her a chocolate cake for her birthday ten years ago—appeared in all of those recollections.

Aella had always felt as if her stomach were performing cartwheels whenever Joanie smiled at her, displaying her slightly crooked teeth. They became friends in the blink of an eye. She had been the first person to hug Aella. The first to kiss her cheek as well. She remembered Joanie’s scent—coconut soap, warm bread, and sunlight—with vivid clarity.

The nuns had accused them of inappropriate behavior when they caught Joanie and Aella sleeping in the same bed.

The church was ice cold in the winter and Aella lived in the chilliest room. Joanie was appalled to know Aella spent every winter night shivering. She’d slipped inside Aella’s room every night for a month before they were found out. Aella had felt something back then. Every time she looked at Joanie, she wanted something she couldn’t name. Every night that Joanie wrapped her in her thin arms and pressed the length of her body against Aella’s back, she had wanted something that she didn’t know how to ask. Joanie had been taken away to another convent the day after they were discovered sharing that tiny bed. Aella had cried herself to sleep for months.

And Reese…

Aella bit her lip. She had caught herself staring at Reese sometimes. When they rolled up their sleeves, and when they smiled. She felt safe whenever Reese watched over her at work and when they wrapped an arm around her sometimes.

Oh, gods.

How could I be so blind? So wilfully blind? She wondered.

“I don’t think you guys are wrong,” Aella said, her voice whisper-low. She cleared her throat. “I think—No, I’m sure I fell in love with a girl when I was fourteen. But I didn’t know that falling in love with a woman was even possible back then.” She shook her head. “And I’ve only recently learned to take stock of what I feel.”

“Welcome to the pink, blue, and purple club, darling,” Sebastian said. “We have cookies and misrepresentation in nearly all media. But we are nice, I swear.”

Aylana smiled at her mate.

Aella laughed. A confusing mix of relief and fear of the unknown made her feel slightly lightheaded. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Sebastian said.

“You are still conflicted,” Aylana observed.

“I don’t regret kissing Reese, and I am relieved to understand myself better. But I don’t want it to happen again either. I like Reese, but…”

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