Page 74 of Haze

“Find out why,” Dinah demands.

Her words punch hard. If my wolf was awake, I’m sure it would be more commanding. But still under the effects of anesthesia, she can’t be intimidated.

“I don’t want to know, Dinah. They’re your parents. You need to talk to them.” I push her phone down from where she has it extended, and with a nod, I step into the shower.

“Our parents.” Dinah reiterates her belief on the matter.

I speak louder over the thunderous sound of the water on the tile and the closed glass door. “I’ve done fine for myself. I’m sorry I had to uproot your life for a week. But it’s happened, and it’s over. We’re blood related. It doesn’t have to change anything.”

Dinah growls, “That doesn’t mean it can’t change.”

“Do you really want it to?” I push back with a weak growl. Shaking my head, I draw a deep breath before stating as calmly as I can the facts that I’ve told myself for the last four years. The only facts that make it less painful. “Dinah. They’re my egg and sperm donors. They gave me away.” Tears form in my eyes. I let the shower water wash them away and force my voice steady. “And as much as you want answers, I don’t. It’s easier for me if they remain Aunt Alora and Uncle Elliot.”

“I want to be more connected with you,” Dinah defends. “We’ve always been close, but I’ve always wanted us to make more time for each other. Maybe, this is a good reason for it.”

Rinsing the soap, I forgo conditioner and turn off the water. I can’t stand being trapped in this glass box with one more life-changing event toppling the remains of my life. Dinah hasn’t said anything more.

I stay firm. “For whatever reason, they gave me to the people who raised me—it’s between them. I am where I am. I am who I am. Knowing why I was given up won’t change it.”

Dinah wipes tears from her eyes. “It really doesn’t matter to you.”

Shaking my head, I wrap my hair up in a towel hat. I take my time drying off, avoiding seeing her in pain. I don’t understand her emotions. She was raised by loving parents. Dinah had a family, a good family. As far as wolves go, her life was perfect, so why is she so upset?

She whispers, “I need to know.”

“You’ll have to take it up with your parents, Dinah. It doesn’t matter to me.” I sigh. My body is exhausted. And we promised Thalia to hang out.

Dinah finally puts her phone back in her pocket. She scrubs her hands down her face and adjusts her shoulders, holding her head high.

“So, what does that make us?” Ferocity and fire edge her words. “You what? Want to pretend we’re cousins?”

“I don’t have an answer for that. I never thought you’d find out.” I let my words drop off.

I never thought anyone would question the bloodline. Cade was never supposed to need to take back the throne.

Awkward silence stands between us as I calculate another answer the best I can. “I love you. We’ve always been close, but it’s hard for us to find time for each other. We should try harder. But we’ve always been super driven, and life’s challenged us in very different ways.”

Dinah huffs.

As I draw a deep breath so I can continue, it feels like one of Finn’s ten seconds of honesty exercises. Slowly, I explain my logic. “My brothers aren’t my brothers. And it’s not a shock because I’ve known for years. I did the stupid test for biology, but having everyone know, it fucking hurts. Plus, I don’t even know what the new normal will look like yet. What?”

Dinah’s motioning for me to breathe. She coaches by demonstrating. I draw a deep breath and notice the world is spinning slightly.

Using the towel to protect me from the cold tile, I lean against the wall. I’ve burned off the fuel from my eggs in a hole. “I’ve never thought that it would come to this. I’m not an Alloway. I’m not an Alden. We both know what I am, Dinah. I’m a submissive, clinging to the hope that no one will figure it out. Maybe, if things don’t go well when I talk to Cade, I’ll take Ansel’s last name. He always jokes about being alone on the docket.”

I shiver, and Dinah pulls another towel off the rack and wraps me in her arms around me. She holds me for a moment.

Oddly, it becomes my turn to break apart. Pull yourself together. This isn’t new information.

“We’re family.” Dinah hugs me tightly. “You’re my sister. I need more answers, but I’ll make that a me problem, not a you problem. It’ll all be okay.”

My face is wet with tears, but I don’t attempt to stop them. She’s wrong. It’s not okay. Nothing is okay. Emotions keep flooding, and I can’t hold them back. What is wrong with me?

My words come out fast, and I try to keep them from jumbling. “Whatever answers you think Aunt Alora and Uncle Elliot might have aren’t my problem. It’s in the past, and much like my visions, I can’t change that. I’m not worried about the people I only see twice a year, maybe.” I pause, drawing a deep breath as I try to ward off the negative feelings. “How many times has Cade said to me, ‘It’s a good thing you’re my little sister’? Now he has an excuse to be done with me. Revecca Ardelean is here. We literally have Romanian royalty in the house. Cade has a blood sister. What does he need me for?”

“Lena.” Dinah tries to cut me off, scolding. She stands me up and holds me at arm’s length to look me in the eyes.

“No, then to top it off.” I toss a glance at the healing mating mark on my shoulder. “I managed to get myself marked by the ex-Enforcer of the Irish fucking Mafia. So, it’s not like he has a family for me to join in the event Cade decides Revecca’s sassy is more appealing than mine. Plus, Finn will one-hundred-percent reject me for not being whole. Who wants a submissive wolf who can’t produce offspring, Ardelean or not?” I’m laughing at the irony as it hits me. “So, yeah. Maybe I should hope that Aunty and Uncle are willing to take me back in, but they didn’t want me to begin with. I’ve never been so thankful to be Ansel’s favorite. Maybe, I’ll like Utah.”

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