Page 65 of Haze

Only this time, it isn’t uncomfortable. It’s devastating. I shake my head against his chest.

“I’ll go first?” he offers.

With a lack of breath control, the number comes out shakily. “Ten.”

“I’ve never been more scared in my life than I’ve been in the last five days. Heart crushing to believe I’d found you only to lose you. This fate must have been a cruel twist from God. For every sin I’ve ever committed, he was punishing me by taking you from me.” Finn speaks quickly, trying to get all the words out, beating the clock.

“Two, one.” I count him out.

The words catch me off guard. I have no idea how long he actually spoke for. Counting is hard when you’re an emotional mess.

Finn kisses the top of my head. His nose nestles into my hair, and I can only imagine how awful it looks, smells, and feels.

He murmurs to the top of my head, “Ten.”

“There’s a possibility I’m sterile after my heat.” I curl myself tighter into a ball, bracing to be set down, to be let go, to be a disappointment. “I fucked up. I’ve suffered for all these years through heats. Only to not even consider that the drug I was working on might work too well. Sterile and a submissive. I know it’s a disappointment, and I completely understand that you’ll want to reje—”

“One.” Finn cuts me off.

I close my mouth, shocked.

“Do not. Don’t say that word,” Finn scolds. His voice falls softer as his arms squeeze me tighter when he continues. “I won’t. Never. You have no idea how much you mean to me. How perfect you are. If we don’t have pups, we don’t have pups but never, never, say that word.”

He’s promising me with words so fast and full of heart that I want to believe them. Maybe, just for today, I will.

Chapter 22

Finn

Lena cries herself to sleep in my arms. I’m still holding her when Cade and Deacon come to relieve me for the night. Cade waves his finger in a large circle at seeing me with her. He indicates that they’ll go around and give me more time with her.

Without a second thought, I gladly take the time from them, curling up in bed behind my mate as long-awaited relief from her return to the land of the living washes over me. I close my eyes. The world has become blurry from tears. With my nose buried in her hair, the comfort of having her lucid and alive releases the fear I’d been holding.

I’m angry for her. The world is not fair. It’s a cruel and dark place. Lena has suffered so much injustice hiding who she is. Then to suffer every heat alone when she could have taken something to stop them. And now to know that she did it because a small part of her, maybe one she didn’t realize was there, hoped that someday she’d have a family.

That moment in the bar, when I knew for sure it was her, feels like eons ago. She told me my wolf wouldn’t let me leave. Lena knew then who I was to her. Why would she think I would feel less about her now? She’s mine, and nothing will ever change that.

Rejection doesn’t exist in my world. ‘’Til death do us part’ is a vow I’ll take before God. Somehow, Lena will come to see, my love for her will never falter. Nothing in this life could ever be too much or too hard for me to love her through.

* * *

I’m not sure how long I was lying behind her, but I’ve only been settled in the chair for fifteen minutes when Deacon hesitantly pokes his head in the door.

They’re both staying with Lena tonight since Dinah anticipates they’ll be taking her home in the morning. As much as I would rather her come back to the apartment with me, I conceded that Dinah would be more comfortable with the Aldens and not sleeping on Lena’s couch. Dinah has been critical in Lena’s care, and it makes sense that she should be with her a few more days. Yet, no formal invitation has been extended. It may come down to inviting myself.

“The ancestors like you.” Deacon laughs when I approach them at the door to leave for the night.

“Uh.” I try to formulate a response.

In the past few days, I’ve learned that Deacon sees and speaks with the dead, whom he calls the ancestors. His gift seems to leave him a bit eccentric.

“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t know what to say either.” Deacon pats me on the shoulder and walks past me.

Cade rolls his eyes and pulls me in for a hug. “Try and rest.”

I take my leave for the evening and walk down the long hallway back to the parking lot.

“Mr. O’Leary,” Doctor Thorpe calls from behind me.

---