Page 4 of Haze

“Why’s that?” I toss my purse on the table and drop my shoes on the floor. Waiting for a response, I begin taking off my earrings.

“There’s a blonde from Colorado, we connected at Summer Solstice. Lena, let’s just say she looks really good on her knees,” he casually says. I can’t help but shake my head as I walk over and turn my back to him. He unzips my dress. “Speaking of which, I thought for sure you were about to shack up with that blond from New Orleans. Not usually your type.”

“Mmm, he sounded pretty, but I was saved by a vision,” I lie. Sighing, I walk away to my bedroom in the suite.

I couldn’t shack up tonight because the coward focused in on the sound of someone’s voice. The scent of him as it wafted around the room. It was impossible to think about being under anyone else. Especially after we caught a glimpse of the representative from the O’Briens out of Ireland. No one in the room compared to...

Our mate, my wolf finishes my thought. He’s more than dominant enough. We would be pleased with him. You walked away from our mate. My wolf disagrees with my decision not to actively seek out the man with the Irish accent. The coward’s opinion, obsession or otherwise, is delusional.

When she focuses on finding our mate, it’s impossible to tune her out and focus on my work. It normally means my heat is close. I should have another month, but they’ve been irregular before. Or maybe with all the excitement of Cade, my oldest brother, finding his mate, Thalia, she’s starting to obsess early. Because that’s all she cares about: finding our mate, settling down, and becoming whatever it is they want from us. It’s that last one that’s the deal breaker.

Besides, if I was looking to find a potential mate, there’s no way I would settle. He’d have to be perfect. I like what I like, and I’m not ashamed to say it.

Theoretical mate aside, it was stupid of me to consider hooking up tonight. Sex isn’t worth the possible risk of an unwanted mating mark.

When I come back from changing into leggings and a T-shirt, I plop down on the opposite end of the couch, where Deacon waits for me to continue. I put my feet into his lap, and he lazily rubs them, patient in trying to get me to talk.

I divert the conversation while working out my fancy updo, pulling out bobby pin after bobby pin. “Thalia looked beautiful. You did a great job helping her get dressed. The reception dress was a nice touch. Good call.”

“Mmm, it was hard to convince her, but I knew she’d be more comfortable in something lighter,” Deacon explains.

I’m proud of him for stepping up to be her man of honor. Watching their friendship bloom has warmed even my stone-cold heart. They both need friends, and I’m constantly, conveniently, and irrevocably unavailable.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Cade so pleased being at a public function, or wearing a suit for that matter.” I reflect on Cade and how proud he looked standing next to Thalia, presenting her publicly as his. The attention he paid her, like she was the only one on the planet, made me envious of that sort of relationship.

Our mate will do the same. You have to find him. My wolf presses again. Her small growl is an ironic touch.

“Happy.” Deacon nods. “So fucking happy. Who do you suppose is next?”

I fight back a wince as Deacon rubs my foot a little too hard. “Does someone have to be next?”

He nods while speaking. “I mean, Judah doesn’t date. Dinah has sworn off another mate. Ezra is with me in the let’s-have-some-fun category. Ansel’s far too busy. I suppose that leaves you?”

“Oh. Yeah. No.” I pull my feet back. Half in horror that his brain has decided, out of all our cousins, I’ll be mated and half in pain from his strong hands. “Honestly, Deacon, I don’t see a way I can ever let someone in. Not without...”

“Cade’s taken the throne. His Luna is an Alpha wolf. She could take the role of Alpha Female as well. You could be.” Deacon’s voice trails off.

I shake my head. “No, it won’t work out that way. I’ll get through it how I always do. I’ll be seen, and the wolf won’t be heard.”

“You know you can still talk to me, right?” Deacon’s eyes are bleary from the big day, and it looks like he’s ready to pass out.

“I’m okay. Too much spiked cider, dancing, and being nice. I’m tired of pretending for the day.” I give him a yawn to prove the point, but it’s not quite a lie. I’m exhausted from months of event planning and the culmination resulting in spending time with two-hundred-plus wolves. “I’m going to bed. Apparently there’s some sort of gift opening we’re supposed to be at tomorrow morning.”

“Yeah.” He yawns back. “Weddings are hard. Can we agree that we’ll stick with the brand-new tradition of doing them at major holidays?”

“Not like I’ll ever take a mate, but if I do, Solstice or Equinox. You’ve my word.” I wobble as I stand up from the couch and drag my sorry ass off to bed.

“Hey, Lena?” Deacon calls me back.

Turning, I lean against the doorframe of the bedroom I claimed. He’s moved from slouching to sitting forward with both feet on the floor.

“I remember you used to want a life. Beyond being.” Deacon’s words trail off for a moment before he starts, “What I’m saying is that Cade would rather replace you as his Alpha Female than let you stand in the way of your own happiness. So, if you want the mate and the pups running about in the yard... don’t hold yourself back over a duty that... forget it.”

Deacon stands and heads to his side of the suite.

It’s my turn to call him back. “Hey, Deacon?”

He looks over his shoulder at me but doesn’t turn around. “Yeah, Lena?”

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