Page 142 of Haze

Of course, we couldn’t simply sneak out to lunch because my life apparently isn’t sunshine and rainbows this week. In the hall outside the lab are Doctor Thorpe and Brayden. They’re talking loudly, and despite the door separating us, I have no problem hearing what they’re saying, and neither does Finn.

“We can’t let them do that to her.” Brayden gestures toward me, well, more intentionally, my office.

“There’s nothing I can do. The university has made up its mind. Her research can continue. She is simply delaying classes. If anything, it gives her more time to work in the lab. I’m not about to write a letter or attempt to do anything behind Ms. Alden’s back. If she wishes to speak with me regarding her recent suspension from the academic program, that’s between her and me,” Doctor Thorpe says, gesturing between himself and my office.

Finn’s hand finds its way to my shoulder. The weight of it doesn’t help as I’m already falling apart.

My wolf whines.

Shame feels like a thousand pounds crushing me. I’ve never failed. I’ve never been suspended. I’ve never, not once, ever been in a position to do anything less than perfect. And now I’m failing left, right, and center.

“There’s not a back way out of the lab, or I would take you out that way.” Finn acknowledges the obvious. “If you want to go back to your office, I’ll clear everyone out and come back for you.”

Glancing over my shoulder at him, much like with Nikki, I know my wolf is right there, resting behind my eyes for the world to see. I close them and try to push her down. Try to make my wolf small and disappear so I can hold on to some semblance of dignity left for today. But I know she’s there, waiting and watching.

Fishing my sunglasses out of my purse, I put them over my eyes. I don’t want to be here any longer.

Finn moves his hand from my shoulder to my low back. He steps closer, and our physical connection increases.

I can feel him bow his head over the top of me, and he whispers, “I’m here. I’ll do all the talking. You’re okay.”

When we open the door, Doctor Thorpe and Brayden look at us wide-eyed. They’re ironically shocked that in a laboratory full of wolves, somehow, I’ve overheard them talking about me. I shake my head, angry with them.

“I’ll be taking Lena home this afternoon.”

Finn doesn’t bother asking. He doesn’t have to. In pack hierarchy, I outrank Doctor Thorpe, and being mated to me, so does Finn. It’s Doctor Thorpe’s lab, but this isn’t a lab matter.

As I follow Finn out to the car, my whole body feels like it might fracture apart. My skin itches, and I’m on edge with the need to shift. I don’t like to shift in the city, but a run tonight might be in order. I guess we’ll have to see after lunch.

“I’m so sorry, faolan,” Finn offers the moment he’s closed us into the car.

“It’s not your fault. This is self-inflicted,” I answer him.

Finn doesn’t dispute that, but he does give me a sigh and starts the engine.

“Where do you want to eat?” Finn shifts the car into gear.

“I know a place. Can you head to St. Paul?” I lean my head back against the headrest, looking up and hoping it keeps more tears from spilling down my face.

“Do you want to tell me what’s happening?” Finn’s words come slowly as he navigates toward St. Paul.

“I’m pretty sure you got the gist of it?” I question.

He nods. “Okay, well, where are we going?”

“There’s a microbrewery over there that has great pizza and wings. I want to get day drunk and make some bad decisions today,” I tell him earnestly, waiting for all sorts of objections.

Finn, if he’s judging me, chooses to do so silently. He doesn’t vocalize any dismay as he drives. Following my directions, he parks and takes me into the building. Per usual, on a Monday afternoon, there’s not a large crowd. Despite it being the end of October, it’s warm enough today to sit outside without raising too much suspicion about us being different. Not that we’d need to worry. Wolves are out to the public anyway. Life is strange that way, I guess.

“Nice place.” Finn looks around, making small talk.

We need our mate, my wolf reminds me. She pushes forward again.

“Kathleen,” Finn coos. “You’re not holding it together very well, faolan.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think I’m required to. I think today I get to feel all the things that I locked away.”

Our server comes to take our order, then leaves, and Finn doesn’t fight me on ordering a beer.

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