Page 129 of Haze

I have no control right now. This isn’t how it should be.

“Finn,” Lena repeats my name. I stop walking away from her and turn to face her. She shakes her head. “Take a breath.”

“I can’t just take a breath, Kathleen. I have to work for a man who fucked my mate. He fucked the woman I love.” Fuck.

The words come out, and they’re honest, but they’re not delivered the way she should hear them.

My hands hang by my sides, and my shoulders drop. “I love you,” I tell her again, this time letting the words come out as they should be said the first time.

Lena’s jaw drops. I don’t know what to expect. The wind picks up and blows her hair about her face.

She shakes her head at me. “I’m not having this conversation with you in the middle of the road in the middle of fucking nowhere. This is not where you say those words for the first time.”

She’s absolutely right. I nod, drawing a deep breath.

“You have a hold of yourself, or do I need to drive?” Lena gives me a once-over. She wraps her arms around herself from the cold and the confrontation itself.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” I nod back toward the SUV.

Lena quips as I take my first step toward her, “How many people do you think you can honestly kill before making me look like a black widow?”

She cocks her head to the side, and it disarms me. I’m still actively debating how to kill both Brayden and Doctor Thorpe and make it look accidental, but the look she’s giving me brings back the center of it all. She should be my focus. My submissive. My mate. And I royally screwed up telling her perhaps the most important thing in a fit of rage.

“I can’t wait to break you of all the bad habits they’ve taught you.” I stalk closer to her, holding her eye contact. “Break you down to the basics. I’m so glad you’ve had other experiences. That means you know exactly how good it is with me.”

She shivers, keeping her head high, but diverts her eyes.

“Good girl,” I whisper.

Lena’s eyes flash to mine then she looks away, turning her head to expose her neck for me. Sweet submission.

I rest my hand on the base of her neck for a moment, comforting her, before pulling her into a hug. She snuggles against my chest, and I use it to ground me further.

She wants to be with me. If she had wanted to be with them, she would have been when I got here. Lena doesn’t do things halfway.

“I love you, faolan. I fucked up saying it this way for the first time. I’ll say it again later, and I’ll do a much better job expressing it to you,” I repeat. Then I clarify, “You don’t have to say it back. This isn’t some sort of emotional manipulation. I’m not lording it over your head. I feel it, I said it, I own it. But it doesn’t have to be reciprocated.”

She nods against my chest but doesn’t say anything. Her silence isn’t unexpected, but it doesn’t stop the sharp poke of disappointment in my heart.

I pull her chin up to face me and plant a chaste kiss on her lips.

Lena kisses me back, and she slips her tongue into my mouth. I let her control the kiss. She pushes herself up and wraps an arm around the back of my neck, holding me to her. It’s blissful feeling her. She’s lit up our bond with all sorts of pleased emotions.

Based on the sporadic use, I’m fairly certain that her constantly fighting her wolf causes the bond to flicker. But, right now, the feelings I get from her all but make up for the words she hasn’t voiced. I can live with these feelings being the only confirmation I have that she’s with me. I can live in these feelings, for she is my homecoming that I feared would never come.

* * *

I wholeheartedly expected Lena to kick me out after I dropped her and her bags off at her apartment. But Lena looks around and draws a breath to release a huge sigh after opening her door and crossing the threshold.

In a nearly possessed fashion, she tilts her head up toward the ceiling, then farther back to see me and asks, “Want to order food?”

“I know you’re a shit cook. You have some weird obsession with cheese. What do you consider to be food?” I ask hesitantly.

“Mmm. I don’t know. I’m hungry, but I don’t know what for.” Lena walks farther into her apartment.

Before bringing my and Lena’s stuff to the pack property after she was cleared to go home, I had taken the time to clean up. The roses had wilted, so I removed them and stored the vase back where she had it.

“I’ll take you out to dinner. Want to change?” I nod toward the bedroom.

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