Page 96 of The Unruly

That was real, though. Something died in there. Rowdy just didn’t care to look for the source. It wasn’t me being sensitive.It. Wasn’t.

Dread curdles my stomach and a wave of nausea follows.

Oh God. I can’t be. I better freaking not be.

It’s so cold in my cabin.

The fireplace is no longer putting out much heat, which means I should add a few logs, but I can’t be bothered to move. Buried under my quilt, shivering and feeling sorry for myself is a better place to be.

Too bad Raegan isn’t here.

I’d love to cuddle with her right now. She’d also find some way to make me smile. But, not only did I wreck my relationship with Ryder, I ruined what me and Raegan had too.

I’m all alone.

I fucking hate it.

Seeing him each day as we work on the big house is torture. He’s grown his hair out again. I like the way the dark hair peeks out from beneath his beanie. When the wind blows, it moves the hair that looks silky and soft. I ache to rip the beanie off his head and run my fingers through his hair.

That’s not going to happen.

I can’t even get him to talk to me. After what happened a couple of months ago, he moved out. It’s hard to discuss things when he sleeps at Rowdy’s. During the day, when we’re all working, it’s not like I can exactly talk about this shit in front of everyone.

It hurts not having either one of them.

I miss them both so much.

Kota is my only company and that’s just at night. Since they’re so crowded next door, he shares a bed with me now. The kid is a kicker and I have more than my fair share of bruises from him. It helps, though, having him here so I’m not so alone when it’s dark out. Dakota can’t rescue me from my nightmares, but he gives me something else to focus on. Without him, I’d go insane.

Someone knocks on the door. I groan as I peek my head out from under the quilt. My glasses are on the bedside table, so I can’t see who it is. Despite the nervousness that shivers down my spine, I call out for the person to enter. If it were Logan, he wouldn’t knock.

A man steps through the door, making my heart rate quicken. Ryder clears his throat, and upon my squinting, announces himself with a, “It’s me.”

He closes the door behind him and kicks off his boots. I track him as he grumbles about the temperature on the way to the fireplace. With his back to me, he tosses some logs onto the fire, pokes at it with the poker, and then turns to look at me.

“I’ve had enough of this, Ronan.”

I frown at him. “Enough of what?”

“This,” he grunts, waving at me on the bed. “Sleeping all the time. Slipping into a dark place where no one can find you.”

“I’m right here,” I mutter. “Easy to find.”

He scoffs and then crawls onto the bed beside me. A thrill runs through me. Having him this close makes blood run hot through my veins. God, I’ve missed him.

“Not physically here,” Ryder says, gesturing between us before tapping on my forehead. “Inthere, you’re lost.”

His words feel like a flashlight pointing at every damaged part of me I desperately try to keep hidden. He sees me no matter how much I don’t want him to.

“Sure, I was pissed about you and Raegan,” he grumbles, “but it’s more than that with you. I’ve had time to cool off and wrap my head around everything. What I can’t seem to figure out is you.”

“What do you want from me?” I demand, voice husky.

“I want to know what happened with Logan.”

Hearing Logan’s name makes my skin crawl with nerves. He’s the last person I want to talk about.

“Why? It doesn’t matter.”

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