Page 59 of Sheltered By Love

Dad was a hard man, but Mom had ingenious ways to punish us.

But even she didn’t understand, just like Levi, Garrett, and Dad didn’t understand when I told him I wasn’t done after my first tour.

By the time I was waking up to what I’d given up, a lot of my unit were returning home to start families but it was too late.

My commanding officers may have been quietly compassionate, but they held no confidence I’d make it in the real world.

They said I wasn’t the same person who left Maine, trying to figure out where I fit in.

And they were right. I don’t see things the same way anymore. I’m not the same person who left here full of wide-eyed ideals and a desire to serve my country.

When a recruiter came by Carey’s Creek, I was so ready to leave, that I bought into the whole package without realizing I was giving up the most important thing.

More important than duty, or honor, even my country.

Until I came home to bury Mom and Dad, I didn’t realize Garrett was close to burnout, that Levi was turning into a bum, or that Jax was considering selling up and moving.

I missed birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, Christmases, gave up five years of my life, and the worst thing of all.

I didn’t keep my promise to Dad.

I forgot who my real family was.

I stare at the dent in the wall, until my throat gets thick, and I hate myself so much, I have to look away.

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