Page 26 of Broken Dreams

“Great.” She wished this evening could have ended differently. She tried to think of a way to regain the closeness they'd shared at dinner. On the porch, she turned to face him. “Thanks for dinner. I had a wonderful time.”

He stared at her for a moment, his gaze shadowed. Then a flicker of exasperation crossed his features. “Why aren't you angry or upset with me? I know how much you cared about Shane. Your letters revealed the depth of your feelings.”

She supposed she should feel embarrassed at how Nick had glimpsed into her heart, but she couldn't summon up the emotion. The girl who'd written those letters to Shane, had changed. She tipped her head to the side. “You're right about how much I cared for Shane. He was almost like a member of our family. But do you honestly think I place a higher value on his life than I do yours?”

“You should. He was a good man. Loyal to a fault.” Nick scowled. “He cared enough about you to save your letters.”

“I know that now.” She couldn't help but smile. Knowing Shane had saved her letters and emails helped ease the pain of losing him, at least a little. “He was a great guy, and we had some nice video chats. But I preferred writing letters, it was easier to put my feelings into words on paper than to tell him face to face.”

Nick nodded solemnly. “I can understand that.”

“Shane was a great guy, but we can't go back and change the past. God chose to take Shane home. It's not up to us to question why.”

He hesitated. “You really believe that?”

“I do.” She touched the cross at her neck. “Knowing Shane is in a better place helps ease the pain of losing him.”

“I wish I could share your conviction.” His gaze clung to hers. “All those months in the hospital, unable to feed myself or get to the bathroom under my own power, I kept wondering, why me? Why did Shane die instead of me?”

“God has a reason for saving you, Nick.”

He sighed and then shrugged. “Maybe, but I’m not much use in my current condition. I may be out of the hospital, but I am far from being healed. I may never be able to return to the operating room. And if that's true, I have no clue what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.”

She caught his hand as he turned away. She didn't want him to leave like this. “Nick, wait.” She stepped closer and leaned up to kiss him. He turned so that her kiss brushed his cheek, rather than landing on his mouth the way she’d intended.

“I have to go. Goodbye, Amber.”

Goodbye. Not goodnight. Helpless, she could only watch him leave.

Chapter Nine

Amber walked to work the following morning, hoping the fresh air would combat her exhaustion. Last night, Nick’s rejection of so much as a kiss, hurt more than she'd thought possible. She hadn't been able to sleep, because she'd enjoyed their dinner so much, only to have the evening end on a sour note.

When she had finally fallen asleep, her dreams had been just as exhausting. She'd dreamed she was at work where Shane and Nick were both patients of hers and she'd had to run from one to the other, trying to help them both as they cried out in pain, but succeeding in helping neither.

The quietness of the morning was a blessing. Taking a deep breath helped clear the sleepy fog from her mind. The summer day was a perfect seventy degrees. Too bad she had to go into work. Would she see Nick today? It was ridiculous how badly she wanted to.

When she walked onto the rehab floor, there was no sign of him. Silly to be disappointed, especially since it was early. No surprise he wasn't here yet. Most of the physicians didn't show up until well after 8:00 AM for their morning rounds.

Except for Roland, who didn't show up much at all.

“Hi,” Irene greeted her. “I hate to tell you we’re shorthanded, down one nurse because Rachel called in sick again today.”

She stifled a groan. “Okay, it's nothing we haven't worked through before. Did we at least get an extra nursing assistant?”

“Yes, thankfully we did.”

“Good. We’ll have to take seven patients apiece, and each nurse will have their own nurses aid to help.” She stared at the census board, trying to figure out the fairest way to split up the various patient assignments.

Ten minutes later, they had divvied up the patients and had scattered for bedside shift report. Once that was finished, Amber started her day making rounds of the newer patients she didn't know very well. She took her time assessing them so she wouldn't miss anything. Mr. Fischer 's acute stroke symptoms remained far too fresh in her memory.

By mid-morning she was feeling pretty good about being caught up with her work.

“Amber?”

She spun around when Irene called her name. “Yes?”

“Your patient, Mr. Cooper, is down in PT, requesting additional pain medication. The therapist just called up asking if you'd bring him down more.”

---