Page 25 of Broken Dreams

He’d known this moment would come, and realized he couldn’t hide from the truth any longer. “Yes.” Admitting the truth helped ease the burden of guilt sitting on his shoulders like a boulder. The cool evening breeze did not make him feel any better. “We were both in the plane when it crashed. Only I lived and he died.”

And he still didn't know why God had chosen to take Shane, while letting him live.

Amber stared for a long moment at the jagged scar marring Nick’s forearm. “I guess I didn't ask because I really didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to imagine the details of how Shane died.”

Nick stood ramrod straight, looking as if he wanted to be anywhere else but standing here on the sidewalk outside her parents’ home. With her.

She took a deep, cleansing breath. From the moment she'd met Nick, Shane had become the least of her concerns. The deep scars Nick carried, inside and out, had caught her off guard. Imagining the extent of his wounds, the trauma Nick had lived through, was more upsetting than she'd anticipated. And those were the only details she cared about, the ones that had impacted this man standing before her.

“What happened?” She lightly stroked the jagged scar on his arm. For some odd reason, she sensed he needed to tell the story.

He leaned against the car, as if his leg couldn't bear his weight. “It was my fault. My idea.” He stared down at the pale skin of her hand on his arm. As if he couldn't bear to meet her gaze. “I convinced Shane we needed to hire a small private plane in order to appreciate the whole, winding view of the Great Wall of China.”

She remembered how she'd written to Shane about wishing she could have been there to see that amazing sight with him.

“Of course, the fact that we couldn't speak a word of Chinese didn't seem to matter. Why should I be concerned with actually communicating with the pilot of our plane?”

His biting sarcasm flayed her already aching heart. “I knew Shane, remember? Trust me. You didn't make him do anything he didn't want to do.”

Nick continued as if he hadn't heard her. “We weren't in the air more than fifteen to twenty minutes when I noticed we were losing altitude. Suddenly we were heading straight toward a huge ridge of trees. I screamed at the pilot to pull up the nose and hit the throttle, but he didn't speak English any better than we spoke Chinese. We skimmed along the tops of the trees and for a minute I thought we were going to make it out of there. But then a branch caught the wing of the plane tipping us sideways. Next thing I knew, we’d slammed into a tree, nose first. The plan was wedged in the branches. My side of the craft took the brunt of the damage. I was sitting behind the pilot.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. She could envision the crash so clearly. And her heart ached for what he'd gone through.

“I believe the pilot died on impact. Or maybe even went unconscious before the plane lost control—who knows? Shane was able to climb out of the wreck but... I couldn't. I was pinned in the plane up against the tree.” He pulled away from her touch and scrubbed his hands over his face as if trying to obliterate the memory. “Shane wanted to stay with me but his cell phone wouldn't pick up a signal. I told him to walk away from the wreck, to find a place where he could call for help. But he wouldn't listen.”

He paused and she held her breath, waiting for him to finish the story.

“Shane stayed with me. He climbed out on the branch, trying to pull it away so I might be able to break free. Then something snapped, and Shane fell, hitting the ground. A moment later, a large chunk of the plane broke free and dropped directly on top of him.”

“Oh, Nick.” She stepped closer, intent on giving him a hug, but he remained stiff and unyielding.

“I could see him lying on the ground beneath me, the chunk of metal sitting squarely on his chest.” He stared into space, reliving the horror. “I called out to him the whole time I struggled to get out. No matter how hard I shoved against the metal pinning me in place, I couldn't seem to make it budge. I'm not sure how long I worked at it, but eventually I squeezed past to escape the wreckage.”

He finally turned his head to meet her gaze. “I fell to the ground and crawled to Shane, but I was too late. He was already dead.”

She felt bad for Shane but felt even worse for Nick. Hearing what he’d gone through, was difficult. He’d suffered as much if not more than Shane had. Praying she sounded calmer than she felt, she asked, “How on earth did you manage to get rescued?”

“Shane’s cell phone, believe it or not. He must have dropped it when he fell and somehow it escaped being smashed by the chunk of plane. I crawled through the woods until I reached a clearing and was able to get a signal.” He glanced away. “If I had worked harder to convince him to leave to get away from the plane, he'd be alive today.”

“And if the situation were reversed, if Shane had been pinned in the wreck, would you have left him?” She reached up and pressed the palm of her hand over his chest. Over his heart. “I don't think so.”

“Maybe not.” He still didn't meet her gaze. “Regardless, it was my stupid idea. I chartered the plane. Hired the idiot who couldn't fly.”

“I'm sure the view of the wall was breathtaking.”

“It wasn't worth Shane's life.” He brushed her hand away from his chest, as if her touch seared him. “So now you know the truth. That I was the one that should have died in the crash, not Shane. I should have told you everything right from the beginning.”

“It doesn't matter.” She paused then added, “I appreciate your honesty but I'm very glad you're here.”

He ignored her. “I was airlifted to Walter Reed hospital in DC. A box of my belongings was shipped back but whoever packed it intermingled Shane’s stuff with mine. That's how I ended up with your letters and copies of your emails. I made it my mission to bring them back to you.”

“I'm glad.” Looking at him now, her outrage at how he'd read them seemed petty. Nick had nearly died. Her mind couldn't seem to wrap itself around that horrifying fact. “I don't mind.”

He gave her a strange look. “You were upset before, what changed now?”

She thought about that for a moment. “I guess I finally realized that it's more important that you’re here now, alive and well.”

He shook his head, as if he didn't quite believe her. He pushed away from the car, stepping carefully around her. “I'll walk you to the door.”

---