Page 81 of Forever After All

Linc huffed. “That’s how I ended up in jail. Well, most of the time it was arson. There were a few other things that got me arrested. Theft. Vandalism. Destruction of property. I have two DWIs.”

“What’s that?” Jess asked.

“Driving while intoxicated.”

Drinking and driving? It didn’t sound like Linc. Yet, she had to believe what he was saying.

The pressing weight in her middle rose, clogging in her throat. None of it sounded like the man she knew.

Because it wasn’t. He was different from the boy he was describing. Everything she knew about him added up to good. Not bad.

“Okay,” she whispered.

“See? It’s not a pretty list. In between nights in jail, I was doing the same things without getting caught.”

Jess played through her memories of Linc. She’d never seen him do any of those things. In fact, he did more good on a regular basis than many people she knew.

It didn’t make sense. Which was why she chose to erase it. Those crimes didn’t get to hang out in her assessment of Linc. His past wasn’t his present or his future.

“It’s still okay,” she said. “You did bad things. You paid the price. Now, you don’t do those things anymore. It’s over.”

“I burned buildings,” Linc said, not bothering to whisper now. “I burned entire buildings to the ground. I’ve destroyed more than I’ve built.”

“And now you’ve done so many good things that I’m having a hard time believing what you’re saying. That counts for something. You’re moving in the right direction.”

Who was she to talk about the right direction? She didn’t know where she was headed either. All she knew how to do was the same thing every day. She knew how to go to work, care for horses, go to church on Sunday, and repeat.

Where was she going?

“I messed up. A lot. No one wanted anything to do with me,” Linc said. “But I had a friend who was even worse, and knowing I wasn’t the worst person in the world was my way of justifying everything. If I burned a dumpster, he wanted to burn the building. If I busted out the windows of cars, he wanted to steal everything inside.”

Jess pressed her eyes closed. She couldn’t see much in the dark, but she wanted to block out everything Linc was saying. Too bad she couldn’t will her ears closed. “I get it. You did bad things.”

“I don’t think you do.” He sat up and turned toward her. “I can’t take back what I did. I hurt people. I stole things they’ll never get back. I–”

“I do get it!” Jess sat up too, squaring off with his shadow. “I’m not stupid. I know people make mistakes. But I know forgiveness. I’ve struggled with it for a long time. Do you know how hard it is to walk into a church every Sunday knowing I had dreams about giving my family what I thought they deserved? Do you know how bad I hated them?”

“I don’t blame you!” Linc said, throwing his hands in the air.

“But God does blame me.” Jess stabbed a finger at her chest. “I’m not supposed to hate. I’m supposed to forgive, but it’s so hard when I don’t understand why they hurt me. I don’t understand why they liked hurting others. I don’t understand why some people got to have loving parents while mine starved me as a punishment!”

Linc stilled, staring at her as his shoulders rose and fell with his deep breaths.

She’d said too much. She hadn’t said the right things. She never knew what to say, and her misspoken words always had a price.

He sighed and hung his head, pushing a hand through his hair. When he spoke, his words were calmer. “I don’t like hearing about your parents.”

“Well, I don’t like hearing about your past, but it’s a part of you, and I can’t pick and choose the truths I want.”

Linc laid back and released a deep breath. “I’m not the guy you should be focusing on, so just forget you ever thought it was me.”

There was a stalling in Jess’s chest. The rhythm of her heart was off, and it pulled the air out of her lungs. How many times would broken kids grow up into broken adults just because they’d been told they were worthless all their lives?

“People change. You did,” she whispered.

“I don’t know if I’ve changed enough.”

“You have.” Her voice broke on the last word, and she hated that little hiccup. Hated how it betrayed her, laying out her fear for him to see.

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