The deep wrinkle between her brows said she was still thinking and trying to understand. Jess’s heart was loyal and determined for good. If she had a kid, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that she’d do her very best to be a good mom.
“I guess you don’t know anything about your parents?” she asked.
“Not a thing. I know I was a stupid kid, and I got into trouble constantly. None of the foster families wanted me.”
Funny, the truth didn’t sting so much anymore. He finally had a job where he felt wanted and respected. His co-workers trusted him to get the job done and do it right.
And Jess. She never looked at him like he was a screw up. She never pushed him away. She never treated him like he was a disappointment.
When she looked at him, he wanted more than anything to be wanted, and that was a dangerous desire.
“Why did you get into trouble?”
“I did things that were bad.” Why was this so hard to explain? He didn’t have any reasons other than he’d been an angry and confused kid.
“I don’t understand. I mean, why did you make bad choices?”
Linc sighed. The guilt was building, adding brick on top of brick until it was too heavy to carry. “And I’m glad you don’t understand. I didn’t have any excuses for my actions back then. It doesn’t make sense. It’s just what I did.”
“Okay,” she whispered, seeming to accept the explanation, even though she didn’t understand it.
“I got caught on a few petty crimes when I was younger. I beat up a kid once when I was in middle school.”
“Why?”
Linc huffed. “No reason. I was mad, and he was the closest punching bag. That one landed me in alternative school. When I was of age, I still did the same stupid stuff, but the punishments were worse.”
Now that he’d made it to the meat of the story, he didn’t want to keep talking. Telling her the extent of his crimes would make her pull away from him, and despite the urge to come clean, he couldn’t risk losing her. She’d run for the hills as soon as she found out how stupid he was.
“What does that have to do with wanting a family?” she asked.
Right. He’d been giving her reasons why he didn’t deserve a happy life with a wife, two kids, and a dog in the suburbs. “Because I have years of bad decisions following me around. No one wants to start a family with that cloud hanging over their head.”
Jess’s brows pinched together.
“What I mean is, women don’t envision marrying a guy with a past like mine.”
That past had been trying to creep into the present lately, and the last thing Linc wanted to tell Jess about tonight was Ryan and that whole fiasco.
“But it’s the past,” Jess said. “Whatever you did couldn’t have been that bad.”
A snarky chuckle escaped before he could rein it back in. “I bet I’ve spent more time locked up than Cain, Tommy, and Bruce combined.”
Jess’s eyes widened, but she quickly tried to mask the surprise. Unfortunately, the eyes didn’t lie.
“Oh,” she said slowly. “Are you sure about that? Because between the three of them, they have about four months of just one-night lockups.”
Linc’s fist clenched on the back of the couch. Why’d he have to bring it up? Why was he telling her when it would push her away for good?
“I’m sure,” he said, sealing Jess’s idea of him as a broken criminal.
He’d seen it hundreds of times. When someone found out about his time in prison and the charges, there was a quiet fear in their eyes from that point on. How could he be trusted?
As much as the counselors had tried, prison reform wasn’t on his record. Mr. Chambers took a big risk on Linc, and as much as he wanted to run from the past and never look back, the guilt still hung around, coloring everything in gray.
When he looked up at Jess, she was staring blankly back at him. “I did not expect that.”
Linc pushed a hand through his hair. “I made a lot of mistakes.”