Page 19 of Don't Get Me Wrong

“Oh, God. I’m such a horrible mom. How could I just leave my baby?” She loses it again, and people are starting to stop and stare, so Nick ushers us into the art building and uses his key card to open a conference room so we have some privacy.

She sits down and stares at Baby, Madison I guess, with such fierce longing, but she’s too scared to ask Nick to give her back.

“Professor Sanders, you must hate me.”

“No, that’s not true. You made a desperate mistake, but we’re going to help you so you never feel that hopeless again, okay? What’s your name?”

“L...L...Lisa,” she hiccups while trying to get her tears under control. “Devon said he would help me, but then he stopped answering my calls. I couldn’t find him anywhere. My parents disowned me, I got kicked out of my dorm, I’ve been staying with a friend, but I know her roommates are annoyed with having a baby there and me not contributing. The only thing I’ve managed to do is not fail my classes. I know if I quit school, it’s all over for me and I’ll never make a life for my kid. But I just snapped. I thought Devon was there, I swear.”

If she’s living in the dorms, that means she’s probably a freshman. I know I don’t have full access to wisdom and life experience at age twenty-three...but eighteen or nineteen seems so young. I barely managed to take care of myself my freshman year, let alone a baby and a college load.

Nick bounces Madison a little. “Okay, Lisa. We’re going to get you some stable housing first thing, okay?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“My brother will never step up, but little Madison here is family. I want my niece to have the best of everything. That means a happy mom, too.”

She shudders, trying to choke back tears that are going to come whether she wants them to or not. “I think sometimes I should give her up.”

I get her to sit at the table. “Is that what you really want?”

She shakes her head. “No. But I’m a bad mom. I just left her. I don’t even understand what goes on in my mind sometimes. I love her so much, but sometimes I just detach.”

“Have you seen a doctor for postpartum depression?”

She shakes her head. “I barely saw a doctor for prenatal checks.”

I make eye contact with Nick. “Well,” he says, “then that will be one of the first things we do. Katie was telling me about it on the way here. It’s completely normal. Everything you’re going through and feeling is understandable. Other moms have the same feelings sometimes. You’re completely normal. You just need help.”

“What if I don’t get better?”

“I’ll tell you what. We’ll get you some stable housing and some childcare help and a good doctor. If you still feel like you want to give her up in six months, I’ll adopt her, and you can see her whenever you want.”

Lisa dissolves into tears, and I don’t do much better.

When she’s all cried out, Nick brings the baby to her and hands her to her mom. It’s been an emotional day already, and we still have a lot to do.

We find an apartment easier than we thought it would be. It’s near campus and mostly furnished since the tenants who just moved out left most of their stuff behind. It’s crappy stuff, but it’s a safe place. I help her sign up for assistance everywhere I can think of, and once she’s settled, the fear leaves her. She’s still got a lot of guilt, and it’s still not a bed of roses—but she’s not alone anymore.

Later, back in Brazen Bay, we stop at Ironwing for a beer, even though it’s my night off. “Would you really adopt Madison?” I ask once Nash brings our brews.

“Well, I guess I should have talked to you about it first. I’m not used to couple decisions, am I?”

“When you say things like that...it’s too soon for us to be making couple decisions, Nick. And that’s not why I was asking. I was thinking more about Madison. It’s a big step.”

“Katie, I want to get married and have a family with you. If you need more time, that’s fine. But I’m ready. And Madison is going to be a part of our lives whether we adopt her or not. Lisa is going to need help. Besides, if I murder my brother, you might want to marry me so you don’t have to testify against me.”

“Only if you let me help.”

We clink our bottles together.

The door opens, and a puppy bounds through it followed by Stella chasing it in my favorite dress of hers. It has peacock feather print and she always wears it with the cutest purple heels.

“Thor!” Stella yells at the puppy. “You little punk. I can’t believe you got off your leash again.”

“Get that dog out of here,” Nash says grumpily, but doesn’t look up from the paper. His two dogs are sniffing little Thor and he’s the cutest.

As if he knew I was thinking about him, he runs over to me, his little rump coming at me sideways as he runs. “Oh, my gosh.” I scoop him up and he immediately nuzzles my neck.

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