Page 50 of So Wrong It's Right

The flowers, the tulle, the cake, the colors...everything was exactly the way Megan always dreamed her wedding would be. She informed me she’s keeping all Leo and Dixie’s presents, too. I don’t blame her.

The first wedding dance has commenced and now the bridal party is filtering on to the dance floor. Christopher is right there when I need him and leads me to the group. He’s played patient, helpful boyfriend-to-someone-in-a-wedding-party all day, fetching things and moving tables and chairs as necessary. We haven’t had a minute alone until now, I’ll admit I’ve been avoiding it.

After today, there’s no reason to pretend to be dating anymore.

Last night...last night was so intense. I’ve never been so fully present while having sex.

“You look amazing,” he says. “Prettiest woman in the room.”

He’s holding my hand and it feels forced between us for the first time. I want to make it less awkward, but that’s not exactly my strong suit, is it? “I can’t believe Megan chose such a cliché for a wedding song. I mean, ‘Up Where We Belong’? It’s very Megan of her.” Christopher smiles and puts his arm around me and that’s when it hits me. “Goddess, Christopher. This is the first time we’ve danced together,” I say as the horror dawns.

“Yeah.”

I pull back to look at him. “That makes thisoursong now.”

He laughs and then this look steals over his face, and he shakes his head. “I had a worse song once. My ex and I slow danced to ‘Three Times a Lady’ at a Motown-themed party.”

“‘Three Times a Lady’ was your couple song? No wonder you didn’t last.”

Oh, shit. That was the wrong thing to say. He looks crestfallen. “That wasn’t the only reason, but I’m sure it didn’t help.”

“That’s the first time you’ve mentioned having an ex. I was beginning to wonder if you’d ever dated anyone before me.”

His shields go up. “Well, it didn’t work out.”

“Thanks for the recap, Captain Obvious.” I squeeze him so he knows I’m kidding around.

He laughs, but it’s sort of hollow. I feel like my heart is hollowing out on this dance floor. Maybe I’d already been making room in it for Christopher. Just in case. And now that he’s vacating the space with each passing minute, it’s all echoes in there. “Were you in love with her? Your ex?”

“I thought I was.”

Jealous or not jealous? I can’t decide how I feel. “Wool socks love or dagger through the heart love?”

“Doesn’t matter. It didn’t work out.”

“Ah, dagger through the heart then. Is that why you’re so cautious? Did she hurt you very badly?” While I kind of hate thinking about him being in love with anyone who isn’t me, I hate the idea of him being hurt even more.

I force myself not to get too comfortable in his arms. It’s tempting to melt. To pretend this is real.

Do I want this to be real? Is this what I want? Christopher, the disapproving veterinarian? I hold my breath. I’m afraid he can somehow reach right into my head and pull out my thoughts, and I don’t think I want him to know. If not, why is my heart hollowing out?

Is it just the sex? There is no denying the sex is great. I love that he loses his mind when he needs to be inside me. I love the way he uses my body so roughly, but at the same time manages to make me feel treasured.

“I asked her to marry me.”

I pull back, all melting stopped. “You were going to get married?”

His muscles stiffen. Tin Man style. That’s when I realize that he is the marrying kind. The committing kind. With someone else, anyway. Someone not me.

I don’t understand why it hurts so much. We weren’t even really dating.

“What happened?”What was she like? What inspired you to want to spend the rest of your life with her?

“Do you remember the showMarry Me Flashmob?”

“That was on MTV, wasn’t it? Public proposals or something?” I pause. “Oh, Christopher...”

I do remember that show. I remember one in particular that went viral—after the flashmob was over, the girl said no. Right in front of everyone in the food court and everyone who later watched it at home.

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