Page 16 of So Wrong It's Right

Miranda sighs and takes a swig of her beer. “Well, there is always stripper porn. Or so I’ve heard.”

I laugh. “Nice try, Mrs. Jenkins. Tell that to someone who didn’t just clean off all the porn cookies from your browser last week because you couldn’t get rid of that virus by yourself.”

She blushes. “My computer runs so much better. Thank you again.”

“Honey, your Tumblr page alone was worth the time spent. Also, you are a dirty, dirty girl.”

“My husband sometimes has twenty-four-hour shifts. A woman has needs.”

We all clink our drinks together and Perry switches her laser gaze to me. “So, tell me again why you didn’t break up with Dr. Doolittle? You know the wedding is next week, right?”

I almost choke on my beer. “I know, I know. It’s getting ridiculous. I don’t know what Megan told everyone, but the day after she “figured” out Christopher was my Christopher, she hinted enough to the right people that now everyone in town suspects.” I have no idea how I haven’t been caught in the lie yet. “My dad came into the office this week and invited him to play golf. I don’t know how I’m going to keep this from imploding. But every time I get ready to tell my sister it’s over, I chicken out.”

Truth is, I sort of like having a boyfriend again, even if he doesn’t know we are dating.

And I am also enjoying the way nobody is treating me like a flake the last few weeks. Because apparently, Christopher lends me a modicum of respectability by virtue of being “his girl.”

Blech.

Christopher is the kind of guy my family always wanted me to date. Serious, stable, boring. I want...I want the kind of love my parents have. They are still so in love. And kind of boring these days, but in the beginning, my dad was a freaking rock star and my mom was the girl-next-door. Story goes, my mom broke up with him when he moved to LA, but he stayed true. When he heard she was getting married to someone else, he basically kidnapped her from the church on his motorcycle. I just want something that wild. That reckless.

But somewhere along the line, they decided that wild and reckless worked for them, but not their youngest daughter. And they have latched on to Dr. Boring, even though they haven’t insinuated to him directly that they know. Megan must have been careful enough in her explanation that he is a very private person, so nobody has outright blown my cover. Yet. But really, how much longer can this last? Someone is going to say the wrong thing at some point, and Christopher will quickly correct them, and then I’ll be the most humiliated person ever.

Because who makes up a pretend boyfriend? And continues the charade in front of family and friends. This town is too small. I’m fortunate that he keeps to himself and doesn’t socialize or the ruse would have been over weeks ago. The guy didn’t even have a Facebook page to trip me up.

“How do I publicly break things off without him knowing things were ever on?” I wonder aloud.

Miranda is silent, but as always, Perry has an answer. “The obvious choice is to actually date him.”

Right. “He has zero interest in me that way. I mean zero. I am like, the bottom of the barrel. And I’m not interested in him that way, either.”

“I think he’s kind of cute,” Miranda says.

Perry agrees, “He appears a little...uptight on the outside...but I was watching him at the grocery store the other day. Honey, the man is built under that button-down shirt. I may have asked him to put a fifty-pound bag of dog food in my cart for me.”

“Perry, baby girl, you don’t have a dog.”

“I know. I just wanted to watch his shirt strain at the seams.”

Miranda laughs. “I hope the bag was on the bottom shelf. That ass, though. Right?”

They are not wrong. He is cute. And built. They haven’t even seen him in scrubs. He fills out the chest very, very nicely. And his sculpted arms...not that I purposely watch when he picks up the big dogs...but he can totally pick up the big dogs by himself. Now would not be the time to bring up the sex dream I had about him last night. Because, like Miranda, I can be a dirty, dirty girl.

But the fact of the matter is, when he’s not in scrubs, he’s in his button-down shirts with the boring ties and the disdainful attitude toward my clothes, my make-up, and my office supplies. His eyes glaze over when I try to tell him what house the moon is passing through, and he recoils in horror if I bring out my pendulum. Even if I was totally hot for him, which I’m not, he has no use for me.

Perry leans over and whispers in my ear, “Don’t look now, but your boyfriend just walked in.”

Shit. Unexpected plot twist.

“Oh, Goddess, what do I do?”

“It will be weird if you don’t talk to him,” Miranda says. “You know, since you’re dating.”

Perry is less than chill as she’s jockeying around in her seat for a better look at him. “Miranda’s right. You should go to the bar and flirt with him.”

I feel the color leaching from my face. “I can’t. He doesn’t like me. He’ll reject me in front of everyone.” That would be the opposite of what I want. My secret life would be revealed most horribly.

Miranda watches the bar for me. “He’s wearing jeans.”

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