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Dixie

Dixie: Should I leave? I’ve been here a long time. I don’t know what the etiquette is on sleepovers when the host has been gone for twelve hours. I should just lock up and go home, right?

Merrily: It sucks. The waiting. Believe me I know. But just stay there. He wanted you to stay.

Dixie: Maybe I should go home and take a shower and change.

Merrily: Take a shower there and snoop through his stuff.

Dixie: !!! I can’t do that. That’s sneaky and dishonest.

Merrily: He left you there.

Dixie: Because he trusts me.

Merrily: Exactly. Which is why you should just stay there. I need to know what happens next.

Dixie: You and me both.

I TAKE A SHOWER. Ilike how using his soap and wearing his t-shirt makes me smell him while I toast some bread and try not to feel like I’m somewhere I don’t belong.

Except I maybe do. Surrounded by Leo’s things, wearing his clothes, eating in his kitchen—there’s just this bone-deep rightness about being here. It feels strange because it doesn’t feel strange.

A lot has happened in the last twenty-four hours. My usual tendency would be shyness and probably shame. I was so bold in his bed, up against his door. And I loved every second of it. I loved being filled by him so completely. I loved hearing my name on his lips when he couldn’t hold on any longer. I loved the way he tastes and smells. His big body pinning me in place and claiming me.

I’d love it if he got home soon so we could do it again.

He’ll probably be tired. But I can wait out a nap. I just need to feel him again. Need to be reminded that he’s real and not a figment of my imagination. I try to watch TV, read a book, take a nap. I’m full of nervous energy, and I don’t know what to do with it.

I don’t know how Merrily does this waiting. I’m a nervous wreck. Anything could happen at a fire call. When my cell pings, I launch myself on it.

Merrily: Answer the door.

Dixie: ?

The doorbell rings. Why is Merrily here? I can’t entertain guests in his house, for crying out loud. I swing open the door and see her husband, Jim, instead. The serious look on his face, his bloodshot eyes, and the hang of his shoulders makes me want to slam the door in his face and pretend this isn’t happening. Go back to five minutes ago when I didn’t know.

I inhale sharply and clench my fists. I don’t even say hello. I don’t know how to prepare for what can never be.

Someone is chanting, “no, no, no,” and I think it’s me.

We just met. I was supposed to be starting a whole new life. My heart falls to my feet.

“He’s going to be fine,” Jim says. “It was a rough night. But it’s going to be okay.”

I exhale as relief floods through me and my knees go weak, but he catches me.

“Easy, Dixie. Everything is fine.”

“Everything is not fine or you wouldn’t be here. What happened?”

He wraps a brotherly arm around me and sweeps me into Leo’s house, settling me on the couch.

“Cap is in surgery. He took some internal damage and his appendix has to come out, but he’s fine. He was awake at the hospital before they wheeled him into the OR and he made me promise to come and tell you what is going on and give you a ride home.”

“I only live three blocks away.” Only I feel like I live in another world. So far from this one. Like my life of only yesterday isn’t something I can just return to. “You don’t have to give me a ride home.”

“I could take you to the hospital,” Jim offers.

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