Page 46 of Forbidden Bond

My mom’s an oddity of an Italian woman. She’s terrible at cooking, or any kind of manual labor, really. My brothers and I spent the majority of our childhood being fed by a chef my father hired.

“Yes, but I was with Dany and Daniel a few days ago and she was cooking in the kitchen and he was watching her with such an adorable expression on his face. And I wanted to be able to spend time with him like that,” she says sadly.

My eyes latch onto the expression on her face and something inside me splinters. I hate seeing my mom sad. She’s the most important person in the world to me. With a sigh, I step forward and pull my arms around her. She rests her head on my chest.

“I’m sure Daniel will want to spend time with you even if you can’t cook, Mamma. Honestly, I don’t think he has much of a choice, considering he’s a baby,” I say on a laugh.

“I’m just worried. I don’t want to be irrelevant in their lives. In all of your lives. You boys don’t come to see me that much anymore and I feel so useless.”

Guilt hits me squarely in the chest. I clear my throat and look away from my mom for a second, trying to gather my thoughts. I hadn’t realized she was feeling that way. But I can’t be too surprised. Since Dad died, she’s been drifting. He was her anchor and now that he’s not here anymore, I can’t imagine it’s easy.

“We’re assholes.”

Her eyes narrow at that and I quickly correct myself.

“Sorry. I’m just saying that we were wrong to ever let you feel like that.”

She smiles. “It’s alright, mia cara. You couldn’t have known. Just ignore the feelings of an old woman with nothing to do with her time.”

She moves away and I run my hand through my hair as I try to think of a solution.

“You could get a hobby. One that doesn’t involve cooking,” I say pointedly.

She laughs. “What hobby would I get, cara? I hadn’t realized how much of my life revolved around your father until he was gone.”

“You miss him a lot.”

“Your father was my bright light,” she agrees with a nod.

“Mom, how do you…?” I pause, unsure how she’ll take the question. But the expression on her face is patient and encouraging. “How did you fall in love with someone like him?”

“You’re asking how I could ignore the fact that your father was a ruthless murderer, and all his other faults?”

I nod, and she smiles.

“Christopher, your father wasn’t a good man, I’m sure you know that. He wasn’t moral and neither are your brothers. I didn’t ignore his faults, mia cara. I just learned to accept them.”

“You accepted his darkness,” I say dully. “You made yourself complicit in all his crimes. You fell in love with someone a lot of people considered to be a monster.”

“He wasn’t a monster to me, my love. He was amazing. He loved me, he protected me. He was the first person that let me be who I was. I truly found myself when I was with your father. I don’t ever want you to think of him as a monster, Topher. Because he did it all for us. He’s the reason you’re standing here today, strong and happy.”

My mind flashes to Katherine at my mom’s words. Mom found herself when she was with Dad. I have an inkling of how that feels. For a few hours, Katherine was mine. She was in my arms and I was happy. I hadn’t realized how much of a void I had in me until she filled it momentarily. And now she’s gone. And I don’t know how to get her back. I don’t even know if I should.

“I’m not… I’m not really happy, Mamma. I haven’t been happy in a long time.”

It’s ironic. Of all my brothers, I was the only one allowed to keep parts of my soul. I was exempted, and somehow, I ended up being the most broken one of all.

My mom’s expression crumbles. She steps forward and brushes my face softly. “Oh, Topher.”

CHAPTER 15

Katie

All around me, roulette wheels spin. The players watch with bated breath, tension and anticipation clinging to the air. Some bet on black, some bet on red. Some are hesitant, some are bold.

Casinos are the best place to prey on both the weak and powerful. They’re all driven by one thing: greed, They all want to prove they can be better than the others. Some of them can’t help but be controlled by the game, and some of them control the game.

This is only the third time I’ve ever been in a casino. The first time I came, I was eighteen and the night ended with me being groped by an old man. The second time, I put my foot down and refused to accompany Jamie, but he managed to convince me with a triple dare. This time, I came willingly. Anything to take my mind off him.

---