Page 52 of Songs of Retribution

“Dhriti could join us if you’d like,” I said.

Ishir gaped. “Shaan told you?”

“Told me what?” Shaan had never spoken to me about Ishir more than a passing comment. The three of us had spent days trudging behind Sai, Neia, and Orman around Kali’s caves together, but the conversation had been tense. We were all worried about Lennox and Elisa.

Ishir’s expression transformed rapidly, his furrowed brow loosening as his eyes widened and his mouth fell slack for a moment. He was always so pulled together and unassuming it was bizarre to see him so discomfited. “Forgive me.” He curled his fingers so hard his knuckles cracked and looked down at the dirt beneath his boots. “I have few secrets as a guard,” he whispered. “I suppose I assumed with you and the princes all so close he may have slipped and shared something I’d only discussed with him.”

My heart ached at the uncertainty in his voice. “Shaan is, if anything, loyal. I don’t think he’d betray your confidence even if he’s with my brother and we’re all tangled up in this prophecy together. I doubt he would have even spoken to Lennox about it.”

Ishir nodded but didn’t look up. I’d embarrassed him. Great. This was the only use I had anymore, stumbling around and messing things up.

“I’d noticed that Dhriti looks at you a lot, that’s all.”

He lifted his face, turning towards Dhriti as if to make sure she hadn’t moved closer where she could hear.

“She seems interested in you, but of course I won’t say anything.”

Ishir’s nose flared, and he met my gaze with an intensity of expression I’d never seen on him before. “Dhriti doesn’t know everything about me. Perhaps if she did, she wouldn’t share that interest any longer.”

“I thought guards had few secrets?” I couldn’t help the wry turn of my voice. We’d spent the evening glum and tense, and I took the chance to tease and break the tension I’d created.

Ishir chuckled, his posture loosening some. The firelight’s reflection twinkled in his eyes. “Yes, but the few we keep tend to be deeply personal.”

“I might understand some. There’s something I’ve wanted to discuss with Sai, but I don’t know how to bring it up without upsetting him.”

Ishir shifted towards me, the bench creaking. He nodded like he grasped the weight of that burden—of having a conversation I couldn’t swallow back once the words were out. The fear that if I said the wrong thing, I could never undo the damage. It was like when Sai had fallen from the cliff. He’d healed, mostly, but it ached and limited his motion. I feared my words becoming a barb that might injure him equally and place something between us.

“I can’t imagine,” Ishir said, “that Prince Sai would receive anything you have to say with anything but love and acceptance.”

His words fluttered through me because they were likely true and yet fear had hooked into me, keeping me from honesty. “Do you think Dhriti would be the same?”

His eyelashes fluttered. “Well…”

“Perhaps we could push each other to be brave.”

A star shot across the sky, silver streaking over the ebony heavens like it was a witness to our words. Ishir was too busy frowning at me to notice it. “How so?”

“If I tell Sai what I’m worried about sharing, perhaps you could speak with Dhriti. Like a pact. We can both do what scares us.”

He stared at me for a moment, his mouth gaping before he mumbled. “A pact.”

“What do you think?”

He picked up a log and placed it onto the fire so sparks hungrily jumped into the sky before sputtering out. That might be all of us soon—burning embers that flew too high and disappeared. It was foolish to hold back words and hopes at this point.

Ishir added a second log then looked back over his shoulder at me. “I think you’re well suited for Prince Sai with your ability to turn a conversation in the direction you wish for it to go.”

I grinned as Sai stepped into the light and snagged my attention. Something had altered in his posture—where he’d left with Lennox stiff and formal, he returned with a confidence in his step, his eyes distant as if he ran thoughts through his mind.

I stood but turned back to Ishir before going to him. “I’m going to talk to Sai. You’ve inspired me.”

“I feel I’ve said little, Your Highness, but I hope unburdening yourself helps.”

He may think it little, but he helped me put words to something that had gnawed at me. I met Sai, twined my fingers with his, and led him to our tent. He placed a kiss on my brow. Ishir had to be right. This man loved me as I loved him. I could share my heart and he would accept it. At least I hoped that was the case.

When we entered and removed our shoes and outer layers of clothing to help keep our bedroll clean, I hummed a swirl of lights above me so I could see. Sai had stripped down to just his pants, and the scar gleamed above the waistband. My stomach twisted because I might scar him equally with what I needed to say, but the words had to come out. I was tired of being trapped in my mind. I’d hated holding back from him while I was at the palace and he faced wrathful pirates. There was no excuse now beyond my cowardice.

“How did your conversation with Lennox go?”

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