They grinned at me. "This one's brother." They nudged Lira. "The feared elemental, and his Atalla who holds death in his magic."
I grimaced at the mention of Shaan's powers, at how everyone wanted to press him to use them, and no one seemed to consider the weight that would leave on him or even if it was morally right for him to use. Certainly, Kali didn't intend for him to commit a slaughter, not when we'd fought so hard to work for peace.
A circle of sunlight gleamed over Luz's eyes turning them a honey brown as they scoffed at me. "Stop worrying so much about the details. Orman was right, you're going to kill yourself." They patted Lira's hand as they glided her away then shouted back over their shoulder at me. “If you die young and break this one’s heart, I'll have to revive you so I can kill you for it."
My lips pinched with a smile as I watched them go, Lira laughing at something else Luz said that didn't quite reach me. They were probably right. I was prone to worrying and anxiously turning things over in my mind. But so much was happening and none of it was in my grasp. I even had to rely on Lennox of all the fucking beings. I grumbled even as I'd fallen back into my hatred of him. Well, there was a comfort to it.
I moved through the milling soldiers, my mind still racing as I tried to piece together everything. Mother stood next to several sirens who bowed and left at my approach. I walked up to her and inclined my head deeply. "Maharani."
"Prince Sai." Her lips tipped up with a smile, and she waved for others lingering around her to leave. They dispersed with pressed hands and inclining heads. I'd never thought I'd see Mother out in the woods like this. She wore a navy-colored sari, like she'd dressed to match our soldiers’ uniforms, the jewel on her forehead gleaming. She looked too bright to be out here in the mud and blood of a war.
I stepped closer to her and bowed to touch her feet beneath the hem of her sari. She wore boots, not sandals. I suppose that was her one concession to the terrain. As I rose, she reached out and placed her soft fingers on my cheek before brushing a strand of my hair back.
"I hadn't expected you," I said.
"I didn't wish for you to worry." She quieted a moment and bowed her face so I couldn't make out her eyes. There was a disquiet in her posture that was unusual, but just as quickly she pushed it away and raised her face again. "I've marked Amyra for the Prasanna magic."
"What?" She'd always planned to mark her after the rising tensions between the courts were handled.
"In case anything were to happen to me, our court's magic would be secured." She raised her chin, her skin glimmering in the sunlight. Suddenly she looked so young to me, younger than I'd ever imagined viewing my mother. Her life had barely begun, but she stood here prepared to end it if needed. Accepting that I may die had always been a reality. Facing my mother's potential death was another, a horror too great to accept.
"Why are you here?" I asked, my voice sharper than I'd ever spoken to her.
She cocked an eyebrow, her lips pinching, a warning in her expression and I lowered my eyes. She wasn't just my mother, but the Maharani, my leader and I owed her more respect on both accounts than I'd shown. "Forgive me."
She reached out again, lifting my chin and letting her fingers linger like she wished to not break the touch, like perhaps it was the last one she'd get. When she dropped her hand, she pulled back a sleeve to reveal a bracelet set with pieces of our heart stone, more pieces than she should have. "I've brought the heart stones—all of them. We'll need every bit of our magic to face this threat."
Another worry dripped into me, like a crack on a well where a flood of fear lingered, prepared to smash the bricks and drown me. If she had all the heart stones, then she'd have taken Amyra and Veena's jewels as well. That meant they both lacked their zevars. Father's zevar wasn't one of our heart stones so he'd have his magic. But still, if we failed—if the Seelie soldiers overcame us and stormed the city—my sisters would have so little to protect our court and themselves. A shiver crawled down my arms.
"Sai." Mother spoke gently and waited for me to meet her gaze. "These are fearsome times we live in. No ruler desires to face the potential losses we do. But we must be brave, and when that falters, we must cling to our faith. Do you think Kali will fail us?"
I looked down to where my boots sank into the blades of dew-covered grass. I never lied to Mother. She read me too well, anyway, so it was pointless, but it also felt disrespectful.
Kali hadn't failed us. She'd given us her powers, pressed them into the body of the only being among us worthy to hold them—someone who wouldn't abuse them.
I could hear Lennox's voice in my head.Perhaps you could let him know his powers are a gift.
The realization that he’d been right slammed into me. I'd fought the very gift Kali had given us to protect us and burdened Shaan with that. I didn't need to hold him back. He would know when to use them and when not.
I looked up at my mother, the woman who'd rubbed my back when I couldn't sleep, who'd invited the members of my team into our home like family, and who'd trusted me with my choices even when I made mistakes. For years I'd fought so hard to become a leader like her, but I failed so many times. I had to rebuild myself, make myself better, form myself into a leader worth following. I met the Maharani's eyes, my shoulders firming.
"No," I said. "I don't believe Kali would abandon us."
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
SHAAN
I brushedmy fingers over the shimmering kelpie’s coat. It glimmered aqua in the sunlight as it ducked its head to the river for a drink. I'd offered to take the creatures to the water along with Ishir who brought the guards' kelpies.
We'd already crossed most of the distance of our journey and we would reach the mountain range today. The night before, Lennox and Sai had stayed up late together to discuss strategies and review information they were both receiving. Lira and I had exchanged a look, both bewildered by the change. I guess war had a way of shifting one's perspective. I was grateful, despite feeling surprised. There were few I loved nearly as much as Lennox, but Sai was one of them. Them not getting along had been a grief that pulled me down.
Mother arriving unexpectedly had also thrown me off kilter. Though it was nice to see her and feel the steadiness of her presence. I wanted to discuss my powers with her, but I was apparently too much of a coward, too afraid she’d feel the same way as Sai. I couldn’t stand to have her look at me with distaste. I shuddered at that thought.
One of Ishir's kelpies ripped free of his hold, and he groaned as he tied up the other five to go after the mischievous creature who'd galloped down the river and dipped its long legs into the water.
I'd never been this far west before. It differed from Prasanna territory—the air was cooler and the trees taller, dark pines with thick needles that rattled in the wind. Moss crawled along large stones in the water.
Lennox stepped down the embankment and reached me, sliding his arms around my waist. I sighed and leaned back against him. The rush of relief his touch brought never dulled. He nuzzled his nose into my neck, and I closed my eyes, savoring his bright scent and the weak warmth from the setting sun on my face.