Page 31 of Nineteen Eighty

“I love you, Connor. There’s nothing in the world more real to me than that love. Nothing.” She glanced down at the dark, choppy water. “I don’t want you to ever forget that.”

A fresh gust tore her attention away from the river, and a different horror crept up inside her as she saw Connor drunkenly climbing the railing.

“Stop,” she said. “Get down before you hurt yourself!”

“But it’s okay for you?” Connor wobbled as he pushed himself higher. His footing was unsure. Everything about him was unsteady. Elizabeth’s stomach surged. “It’s okay for you to throw it all away, but not me?”

“Get down!”

“I never thought I’d say these words, Lizzy, but if you jump, I jump.”

“Okay, okay!” Elizabeth started back down, toward the safety of the sidewalk. Her heartbeat soared so high she was overcome with fresh dizziness. She stepped down, backing away. “See, I’m down. Now, you.”

Connor went to do the same, but his sneaker caught in one of the curls of the fleur-de-lis. He struggled to break free but lost his balance in the jerk of movements. His foot came out of the shoe and his eyes landed on hers just before he went sailing, not toward the bridge but away, away from her, away from safety. She raced for the railing just in time to see him hit the water.

Elizabeth screamed as she watched her husband disappear into the abyss.

They got two rooms at the Monteleone. Evangeline felt foolish and a bit treacherous not staying with family, but she didn’t have room in her heart to share her grief with others. She had Joseph and Johan, and that was enough.

Secretly, she’d paid off Joseph’s house in Oregon. Evangeline recalled Cassie lamenting that he was on his third mortgage, partly to pay for her schooling, but also his own mounting medical debt. He wasn’t the only Collins to have cancer, just the only one who’d survived. She paid those additional loans as well, and while she was at it, she took care of his credit cards. He’d be angry, no doubt, and nursing a bruised ego, but by the time he learned about it, she’d be back in Switzerland.

Earlier that day, they’d laid Cassie to rest in the same tomb where Evangeline’s many ancestors spent their own eternities. She was relieved Joseph was okay with it, both because she felt in her heart Cassie belonged among the safety of the Deschanels and their ancient magic, but also because it meant she’d see Joseph again. He’d have to return, from time to time, to see after his only child, and that meant he wouldn’t fade entirely away from Evangeline’s life, either.

She lay awake that night, in their plush bed, listening to the French Quarter revelers. Johan’s hand rested softly against her bare belly. She loved him, too, and she’d said as much, after collapsing in tears in her mourning dress when they’d made it safely back to the hotel.

She needed him. More, she wanted him.

But there was something else she needed as well.

Evangeline eased out of bed, lingering long enough to press her lips to Johan’s. She shrugged on a sweater and jeans, left a brief note in case he woke and worried, and slipped from the room without stirring him.

She didn’t know how far she intended to go, but it was a thirty-minute walk back to the Garden District. She aimed herself in that direction and willed her legs into action.

When she crossed Canal, that lively mix of cars, lights, and shopping, she felt a familiar presence behind her. She knew who it was before she turned.

Colleen greeted her with an enveloping bear hug, nearly sweeping her off her feet.

“I am so, so sorry about Cassie,” she whispered as she kissed Evangeline’s cheek.

Evangeline reluctantly pulled away. “How did you know?”

“Mama has coffee with Father Leonard every Tuesday. Remember?”

“Oh God. Mama knows I’m here?” Evangeline cursed under her breath, though she wasn’t angry, only annoyed at herself for not remembering there might be other ways her family could learn she was in town.

“No, I caught him on his way in. He asked how you were holding up.”

“I’m alive.”

“She was a big part of your life. It’s okay to be sad.”

“I hope no one cares. You know, that Cassie is with us now.”

“Evie.” Colleen kissed her on the lips. “No. She was as much a sister to you as any of us. And I won’t tell anyone else you’re here. I haven’t.”

“Thank you.”

Colleen slipped her hand through the crook in Evangeline’s elbow. “You wanted to walk, so let’s walk.”

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