Page 62 of Nineteen Eighty

She’d looked so pretty, skipping down the aisle in her pink chiffon gown, spreading the white flowers and seeds around with flourish. When her aunt Elizabeth reached over to smooth a lump in her dress, she’d unsmoothed it just as fast, swelling with pride at her important role.

She seemed to like Barbara. Augustus thought it was too soon to predict his new wife might become a replacement mother, but that wasn’t entirely what he was after, anyway. What he wanted was a maternal figure, someone who could guide Ana through the tough things fathers struggled with—especially fathers like Augustus, who struggled through anything requiring more complex emotions. It wouldn’t be long before Ana experienced changes he had no qualifications to help her through. But Barbara did.

Unlike Ekatherina, who’d wilted in the face of familial affection, Barbara blossomed. She left Augustus’ side, not needing his help to mingle with her new family. She was charming and lovely, and for a fleeting moment he worried that her decision to marry a man who was really neither of those things might turn to regret. But he and Barbara were similar creatures, in that once they’d made their mind up they seemed to commit to the direction, whatever it was. They understood each other in that way.

And, while this hadn’t even been a gleam in his mind at the time, she’d satisfied another need, one he hadn’t really known he had. She was generous in the bedroom, and without the fear of leaving her with child, he could be generous, too. With Ekatherina, he’d embraced each of these experiences with the creeping fear she’d turn away. That she’d run away. He could enjoy himself with Barbara, who’d come to him with a practicality that was almost sexy. Their needs could both be fulfilled, without losing who they were.

It was a surprise to Augustus, to learn he enjoyed sex. He’d always experienced an almost indignant pride at being a man not vulnerable to the needs other men had. But Barbara was only the fourth woman he’d been with. The first time, with Carolina, had been fumbling and strange. The second, with Ekatherina, with an eye, always, to his fear of disappointing her. Then the woman in the bathroom… well, he had enjoyed that, and his enjoyment brought him shame, as if he’d tapped into a dark part of himself never meant to be surfaced. But Barbara gave without fear of the bigger picture, and he was learning to do the same.

Elizabeth slipped her arm through his, leaning against him. “I like her.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. She reminds me of you, but also…”

“You can say it.”

“Maddy,” Elizabeth finished. “There’s a light in her. I hope it never goes out.”

“Ana likes her, too.”

“That’s important.” Elizabeth unwound herself and turned to face him. “Ana will have her struggles, Aggie. I’ve told you that I’ve seen some of them. She’ll be happy in the end, but it won’t always be easy for her, and she’s going to need her family. She has a natural tendency to isolate, but it’s important you don’t let her do it too much. You both have so many people who love you, and who are only a phone call away.” She strained on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “But this is a happy day. Be happy, Augustus. You deserve it.”

Evangeline dropped her bag on the counter of Johannes’ small apartment. He looked up, from where he was cooking. Salmon. She picked up the scent of dill.

“Ahh, welcome back,” he said, craning his neck back to kiss her. “How was home?”

“Marry me,” she said. She backed away, into the counter opposite.

Johannes’ spatula hovered in the air as he froze, head to toe.

“Förlåt?”

“Beautiful man, you know I don’t speak Swedish.”

“Did you say what…”

“Turn around, Viking.”

“Evangeline.”

“Turn around.”

Johannes set his utensil to the side and slowly did as she asked. She held out a small gold band. She’d picked it up in New Orleans, from the place where Augustus had an account, where he’d foolishly bought the ring for Ekatherina. Before she’d left Switzerland, she’d wrapped a string around her future husband’s ring finger to get the right measure, while he was sleeping. Science, and all that.

“I love you. You love me. Let’s make babies.”

Johannes’ eyes filled with tears. “What a proposal this is.”

“You’re lucky, Viking. I had a whole speech prepared that would have made us both wish for the part where we skip to the end and you say yes.”

“You seem so sure my answer would be yes.”

“I know it will.” She flipped her heavy curls. “Who could resist the opportunity for a mess like me for the rest of their lives?”

“You are perfection in the chaos,” Johannes said, no longer smiling. He stepped forward and his hands came up, hesitating only a moment before winding them through her impossible hair. “You are my mess.”

“Is that a yes?”

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