Page 45 of Nineteen Eighty

“I don’t suppose you meant us,” Jasper replied, pointing at Luther to his left.

“We already had to dip in the kiddie pool for you two,” Evangeline said, eyes not leaving Colleen. Colleen didn’t know what to do; Evangeline hadn’t ever challenged her like this in a meeting. “Luther and his wife are having twins. I guess we could recruit one of them. Start ’em real young.”

“What’s gotten into you?” Colleen whispered, really wishing she could pull Evangeline aside without making the meeting even more awkward.

“I like Elizabeth as a choice,” Luther said. “I would support that.”

“I would get behind that,” Jasper said.

“Elizabeth isn’t up for a vote!” Colleen yelled, throwing herself back from the table. “Meeting adjourned!”

She was halfway up the stairs before Evangeline caught up to her. “What the fuck was that, Colleen?”

“Don’t question me in a meeting, Evie! If you have something to say, say it after, but don’t you ever—”

Evangeline pressed a hand to her sister’s mouth. “Stop. Before you say something you can’t take back.” She slowly released her grip. “If you don’t want Lizzy, fine, but you’re really worked up about this. She’s not a baby anymore. We can’t treat her like one.”

“You can act self-righteous about this because you don’t know what I do.”

“Then tell me, Colleen.”

“I can’t.” Colleen reached for the banister, hands trembling. “It’s not my secret to tell. Even if it was… you don’t want to know. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.”

Evangeline backed away a step. “If you say so.”

“She’s not strong enough. She’s not…” Colleen shook her head. She’d never been so tempted to tell anyone Lizzy’s secret, but she couldn’t betray the one thing Elizabeth had ever trusted her with… not when that one thing was the biggest thing. “She deserves a stress-free life, Evangeline. I won’t play a part in seeing her hurt. We spent our whole lives watching her torment, and I want her new life with Connor to be the start of something beautiful.”

“I understand,” Evangeline said. “But isn’t that Elizabeth’s decision to make?”

“She won’t have to,” Colleen said, gripping the wood railing harder to stop the shakes. “Because I’ve made it for her.”

Augustus sat across from Barbara Chandler at Antoine’s. While she ordered, he indulged a quick examination of the woman he might try to make his wife.

She was twenty-four, according to his mother, but looked younger, more like Lizzy’s age. She had a soft, pretty face with dark hair falling around it in carefully styled waves. She wasn’t as overtly pretty as Carolina, or as mysterious as Ekatherina, but was, unexpectedly, beautiful in ways that were more compelling, such as the quiet seriousness behind her green eyes. She had gone to an effort with herself for the dinner, but didn’t seem nervous. Only anxious.

“I’m sorry about your husband,” he said, after they ordered.

“I’m sorry about your wife,” she answered.

“We’re both too young to be having this conversation,” Augustus offered. “But I’ve never found much use in wishing things were different.”

“Regret is a wasted emotion,” Barbara replied. Her pale hands gripped the flute of the wine glass, but she hadn’t touched the Chardonnay yet. “I believe in focusing on things within our control, not without.”

Augustus smiled. “I suppose, you could say, that’s why we’re here tonight.”

“You and I are both in search of something we think the other can offer.”

“Can we, is the question?”

Barbara glanced around the room before turning back to him. “Whatever part of me was built for romance died with John. Maybe that’s how you feel about…”

“Ekatherina.”

“Ekatherina. My mother thinks I’ll change my mind, but I won’t. Not everyone recovers from everything.”

“I understand. Not everything needs recovery.”

“I thought you might,” Barbara replied. “I didn’t know, for a long time, what that meant for my future. I feel like I was born to be a wife, and mother, but now a critical piece of me is missing, and I can’t imagine many men would be interested in what I have to offer.”

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