Page 3 of Nineteen Eighty

Elizabeth tucked her hair behind one ear. “You won’t lose a child this year, Mama. Not that I’ve seen.”

Irish Colleen nearly sagged from the relief of this, and until Elizabeth said the words, she hadn’t realized her own had been a question.

But the relief was short-lived, for she could never turn back time to a point where she hadn’t overheard sweet Elizabeth tell her sister Colleen that she, Lizzy, would die young. She’d not said when, or how, but that fear would linger over Irish Colleen for the rest of her days, whatever God saw fit to give her. The fear, also, that she might not live to try and prevent it.

Elizabeth did something surprising then. She leaned in to embrace her mother.

“Every year is good, and every year is bad, Mama. Sometimes it’s better not to know what the next storm will bring, or when it’s coming.”

CHAPTER 1

Comfortably Numb

Elizabeth wandered around the party, a flute of half-drunk champagne dangling through her fingertips.

She should have had the presence of mind to plan this. She was Connor’s fiancée, the person closest to him above anyone else in the world, even his twin brother, Thomas. Today was a big deal for both brothers, but especially Connor, who would take his new fancy bachelor’s degree and enter law school at Tulane in the fall, like so many other Sullivans had before him, and would after.

Thomas decided to buck Sullivan tradition and go on to medical school, which earned smiles and pats on the back, but with decidedly less energy. To their credit, the Sullivans tried to embrace this “defection,” putting on an overabundance of saccharine display for his benefit, but they weren’t fooling anyone. Thomas could be the next President of the United States, and they’d still whisper that he could’ve made such a promising lawyer.

But both brothers had that day walked with the many other students who’d earned the right to call themselves educated, while Elizabeth had waved from the sidelines, crying tears of pride. Tears of… something else. It wasn’t quite regret, because there wasn’t a single day that went by where Elizabeth regretted her decision to pull back from the world. But there was a tickle there, of what might’ve been, what she could’ve been, if not for who she already was.

She wondered if there was a fire code violation at Colin Sullivan Sr.’s Victorian off St. Charles. There must be at least two hundred Sullivans walking the property, inside and out, meandering the tight halls and wild gardens. Although it meant more minds and thoughts to drift her way, more visions to cipher, it was also a nice way to claim she’d gotten lost. When anyone asked later where she’d been, she could wave her hands and talk about how crowded the whole thing had been.

“Sweetie,” Connor whispered in her ear. A whiff of whiskey wafted across the humid summer air, burning her nostrils. He was drunk, but that was okay. He never got drunk, and today, he’d earned it.

“Darling,” she said, half-teasing, as she turned to kiss him. “Are you enjoying your party?”

His sloppy grin and heavy-lidded eyes gave her all the answer she needed. But he said also, “It feels good. I didn’t imagine myself here four years ago.”

“Come on. Your grades never dropped once.”

Connor waved his hand around. “Not this. I knew I’d graduate. I had no other choice. That’s life, right? We make a choice and commit to it.”

Elizabeth’s smile faded. “I don’t understand.”

He pressed his forehead to hers, and she got another whiff of the booze. “Lizzy. I love you so much. Today is about futures, and I can’t help wishing today was the start of another part of my future.”

Elizabeth knew what he meant. She silenced his next words with a kiss, and then said, “I’m so proud of you, Connor. So, so proud. But all these people… I’m struggling today. I didn’t want to tell you, because this is your day. But if we have a wedding, that will be my day as well, and I don’t want my joy drowned out by horrible visions. Already today I’ve seen that one of your cousins is having an affair that will be exposed soon and will rip their whole family apart, and another is unaware of a terminal cancer diagnosis coming in a few weeks.” She laced her hands through his clammy ones. “I want to be your wife. In my heart, I already am. Have been for a long time.”

Connor sighed and dropped his head. “But not like this.”

“Not like this.”

Colin and Catherine Sullivan stepped up to give their congratulations. Elizabeth and Catherine exchanged a look as Colin launched into a brotherly speech about what Connor could expect in law school, and later at the firm.

Catherine moved to Elizabeth’s side, sipping from her wine glass. “You look so grown, Elizabeth. What are you now, twenty-one, twenty-two?”

“Twenty-two, soon.” Elizabeth gave her an odd look, tinged with a smile. “I’m not sure how to take that.”

“It’s a compliment.” Catherine emptied her glass and set it on a nearby table. “Take it like that.”

“All right.” Elizabeth set her own glass to the side. She didn’t like champagne. It had just been a way to keep her hands busy. “How are your kids?”

Catherine blanched. “Kid. Just one.”

A pit landed square in the middle of Elizabeth’s stomach, as if punched. This was the other real downer of visions. Sometimes she forgot that just because something had already come to pass didn’t mean everyone knew. Those who knew Rory and Carolina’s daughter, Robyn, was really the result of an illicit affair between Catherine and Elizabeth’s brother, Charles, was a small list. One Elizabeth wasn’t supposed to be on.

“Right. Sorry,” Elizabeth whispered. “Oz. How’s Oz?”

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