Page 21 of Best Frenemies

We’re oil and water, baby. We don’t mix.

Once I get the beach chair that I found inside the condo’s utility closet set up, I plop my white-bikini-clad ass down into the seat and grab my phone and the book I plan to read out of my beach bag.

Now that I’m finally done hyperventilating, it’s time to fill my best friend in on the situation at large.

Me: Well, I’m here, but be glad you’re not. Our condo got overbooked!

Her response comes in record time.

Anna: What? What do you mean “overbooked”?

Me: I have a roommate.

Anna: You’re rooming with some stranger??? Katy, what the fuck? Do you have some kind ofDatelinefantasy you’ve never shared with me?

Me: He’s technically not a stranger, but I’m not sure I wouldn’t have been better off with one.

Anna: Listen, honey, I’m on an unhealthy amount of DayQuil, so you’re going to have to spell it out for me or else I’ll just chalk this up as hallucinations.

Me: Mack Houston is technically my roommate. Mack Houston is technically not a stranger. Mack Houston is technically in more danger of me strangling him than the other way around, I think.

Anna: SHUT THE FUCKING FRONT DOOR.

Me: Yeah.

Anna: How in the hell did that happen?

Me: I have no idea! They overbooked the condo somehow!

I can hear the sound of my whining voice in my own head as I type.

Her next three texts come in at a rapid-fire pace.

Anna: They overbooked the condo with the one person in the whole wide world you can’t stand? You’re the math person…what are the statistics on something like that happening?

Anna: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anna: You and Mack Houston? In the same condo? I’m sorry, but I can’t stop laughing!

A deep sigh escapes my lungs as I type out a response.

Me: It’s not that funny.

Anna: I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s not funny. It’s FUCKING HILARIOUS.

Me: You’re the worst best friend, you know that?

Anna: So, what’s the situation? Are you both staying??

Me: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yes. Customer service refunded us, so it’d be insane for either of us to give up a free vacation.

Anna: Man, when I told you to bang someone on vacation, I certainly didn’t think it would end up being Mack Houston.

Me: I AM NOT GOING TO BANG MACK HOUSTON.

Anna: I wouldn’t blame you if you did. That man is a serious treat. He’s like a muscle-clad sundae with hot fudge and whipped cream and cherries and sprinkles on top. I’d bet my right tit he has a big cock and he’s REALLY good with his mouth…

Me: Being one-titted is a hefty bet to make on something you have no idea about!

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