Page 3 of Best Frenemies

“He also brings us Starbucks on Fridays,” Mona inserts on my behalf. “So don’t start messing with our Mack Daddy, Principal Dana. We finally got him trained to be a good boy.”

I laugh at that. Mona is sixty years old, happily married with kids and grandkids, and one of the cougar-iest women you’ll ever meet. She’s nice, but she’ll eat you up, Hall & Oates style. You know?

“I also shower and change in the locker rooms before classes start,” I add, and Principal Dana just purses her lips. “I’m aware of the dress code, and more than willing to—” I pretend to cough “—looselyfollow it.”

“You’re lucky you have good hair and no split ends. If Barry tried to pull this at seven in the morning, I’d fire him. That man’s hairline makes me cringe.”

Barry—otherwise known as Mr. Koch—is one of Calhoun’s history teachers. He’s fifty-five and the proud owner of an OG dad bod and receding hairline. He’s a suit kind of guy. No tank tops or crop tops or any other tops besides ones he can accessorize with a tie are part of his wardrobe.

“You know, Principal Dana, I know I have great hair, but I don’t think it’s considered professional to threaten to fire anyone who’s not so fortunate,” I state through a knowing smile.

“You know, you’re right,” she responds and crosses her arms over her chest. “It was very inappropriate of me, and I think you need to call the actual principal of this school and let him know so he can take proper action.”

My smile is big and uninhibited, and the ladies behind the desk don’t bother to hide the roll of their eyes either.

Dana Harris is ourtemporaryprincipal here at Calhoun Elementary. Her father, Donald Harris, had to take a medical leave of absence after he suffered a heart attack a few months back. He’s on the mend now and doing very well, but he had to put his daughter Dana in charge, despite her desire tonotbe in charge. She’s been trying to get fired ever since.

It might seem like a real nepotism type of situation, but in reality, no one else wanted the job either. All of the staff and teachers are happy with their current positions and aren’t looking to take on any extra responsibility. Our salaries are decent already—livable in New York, at least, which is truly saying something—and the Harris family is known for taking care of their employees by respecting workload, classroom size, and giving us the autonomy to make our own lesson plans. It’s a teacher’s dream. Which is why the turnover rate here is so low.

And since Calhoun Elementary is a privately funded institution in New York City, and has been in the Harris family for generations, Donald was able to handle things how he wanted, which included keeping the principal position in-house until he’s able to come back next year. This ensures his school will keep running the way he intended, without undergoing changes from some hotheaded, big-egoed new guy.

Though, I don’t think Dana was his first choice. She’s thirty-eight, used to be the administrator over our support staff, and has a long history of putting things like facial appointments above work. Not to mention, last year, she took night classes and graduated from cosmetology school because she’d planned to officially switch careers and follow her passion for hair.

Her father’s unfortunate medical emergency combined with her administrative certification really fucked up her plans.

“I don’t think we need to bring Donald into this,” I tell her with a little grin that I know will piss all over her three months of efforts to get canned. “Honestly, if I had a conversation with him, I could only express how fantastic of a job you’ve been doing. You’re a true asset to Calhoun. I hope we never lose you.”

Betty snickers. Carol nearly chokes on her coffee. Mona is long gone, but Dana, well, she glares at me.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get moving so I have time to take a shower and get ready before the bell rings.” I finish getting my mail out of my mailbox and offer a sweet smile as I head for the door. “Have a wonderful day, ladies.”

“Mr. Houston,” Dana calls out just before I can exit. “Before I forget, I need you to meet me in my office today during lunch. I have something important to discuss with you and Ms. Dayton.”

“Me and Ms. Dayton?” I question with a quirk of my brow.

Dana smiles proudly. “I have something I need you to work ontogether.”

Together?

Katy Dayton is one of my fellow teachers, and the woman doesn’t like me…at all.

It’s been like that since we both started in our teaching positions the same year and never really got off on the right foot. Honestly, if she has a secret voodoo doll of me that she sticks pins in every night, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Last year, Principal Donald put us in charge of organizing the big fall carnival, and it only took one meeting for Katy to kick me off the planning committee.

“Oh, and please let Katy know about the meeting,” Dana instructs with the kind of smile that whispers the wordcheckmate. “I haven’t had a chance to talk with her yet.”

Sadly for Dana, thanks to Claude’s frogs and a laid-back personality, I’ve got a steel fortitude against being messed with.

Whatever she’s plotting to get under my skin isn’t going to bother me nearly as much as it’s going to bother pretty little Katy Dayton.

Katy

As Mr. Carter, Calhoun Elementary’s PE teacher, guides my first-period third graders from my classroom and toward the gymnasium, I snag my cell phone from inside my desk drawer to text the one person I’ve been dying to yell at all day.

Anna, better known as Ms. Franklin here at Calhoun Elementary, is my best friend and runs our art department. I’ve known her since our Columbia University days, and for the last five years that I’ve worked here, we’ve spent the morning before the toll of the bell gassing each other up for another day of little brains and sticky fingers.

But today—of all the days in the universe and beyond—she decided not to show up, and that leaves me freaking the hell out.

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