Page 46 of Falling for Roxanne

“No, that’s all right. Just let her rest,” I said.

“You don’t want to go see her? Okay…” she said, giving me a dubious look that I thought was kind of unprofessional in a nurse, honestly, like she was judging me for not going to see Roxanne. I turned and busied myself with my phone, looking up Cathy’s number from my class roster and contacting her.

“This is Hamilton Bell, I’m at the ER with Roxanne. She’s fine, she just got dehydrated and had a fainting spell, but she’s going to be ready to go home in a short bit. I wanted to contact you so she’d have someone here to take her home,” I said, and once I had confirmation that Cathy was coming to pick up Roxanne, I left the building.

I felt like a coward, but I didn’t really have any business being there with Roxanne when we had agreed to only have a professional relationship. At least that’s what I told myself because I didn’t want to admit the real reason I was leaving the hospital—that I was running scared. Scared of losing her. Scared of loving her.

CHAPTER 28

ROXANNE

I had to tell him. He’d be coming into my room any minute. The nurse said he could come sit with me while the fluid infusion finished. I looked at the IV in my arm and rested my palm on my still-flat belly. I told my baby it was going to be okay. No matter what.

Even if he doesn’t want us, he’s a good man and I’m not sorry. I love him, and if this is more than he can do after all he’s lost, I forgive him. I’ll never say a word against him to you. I’ll tell you your daddy was a wonderful man, smart and compassionate and how he fought for justice every day. You’ll grow up thinking he’s Captain America, I smiled to myself sadly. And I will take good care of you and never ever leave you. I’ll keep you safe and you’ll know how loved you are, how wanted you are every single day. No matter what. So you don’t need to worry, baby.

There were tears in my eyes as I whispered to the tiny baby inside me, the one that would grow to a visible bump very soon and everyone would see. It wouldn’t be a secret anymore, invisible and felt by only me. That scared me a little, the judgment, the fact that my parents were going to be so disappointed in me. I hated to cause them worry after all they’ve suffered already, but I would tell them the truth—I could do this. I was well-educated, qualified for a job—as soon as I was licensed—that would support my child and me. Maybe their grandchild will bring them some joy, some focus that they need to help them be hopeful again.

I kept watching the entrance to the cubicle, waiting for Hamilton to walk in so I could face him, wave away his concern over my fainting and tell him the truth. He was going to be shocked and probably emotional. I would probably cry. I’d definitely cry. But I would remember that I could do this on my own, that I didn’t want him to feel obligated.

Why was he taking so long? It had been fifteen or twenty minutes since the nurse said she’d go get him. My infusion would be over soon, and I could leave. I was nervous as a cat. So when the door opened and Cathy walked in, I downright scowled at her.

“Well, hello to you too, sunshine,” she said sarcastically, coming over to hug me.

“Hey,” I said. “Sorry. I’m glad to see you, I just thought Hamilton was coming back here. Did he stay in the waiting room so you can come see me first?” I asked, confused.

“I didn’t see him. He called me and asked me to come pick you up. I guess he left, sweetie.”

I sat there with that information, that he had cut and run before he even knew I was pregnant. That he dropped his employee at the ER and basically bailed out. At least he called my emergency contact first, I thought wryly. I was hurt and angry, but I could think of that later. The doctor came in and gave me some anti-nausea medicine and told me to avoid stress. I nodded and took the pages of instructions.

Cathy drove me home and then had to go to work. She made me promise to eat the soup she heated up and call if I needed anything. I sat on the couch, just reading through the doctor’s instructions about drinking enough water and getting enough rest and taking my vitamins. When I flipped to the last page, a printout fell into my lap, a small, glossy piece of paper that showed an image from my ultrasound. A gleaming black at the edges, streaks of gray and white in a wedge shape, and nestled in the lower right corner, a fuzzy little white blob that looked kind of like a Styrofoam packing peanut. I traced the little blob with my fingertip and smiled. You are the cutest little blob I’ve ever seen. I’m gonna make things right for you.

Seeing the tiny shape of my baby on that printout galvanized me into action. I had enough of this crap, of being sweet and patient and forgiving. He should have told me he was leaving me at the hospital and why, and not just abandoned me. And I was going to tell him so. Because I might not mean anything to him, but this baby meant everything to me, and I was going to stand up for him or her.

I got in my car and drove to his house without overthinking it or even noticing it was past eight o’clock. I stalked up to his door and knocked. When no one answered, I just banged on that door with all the fury I felt inside at being scared and left and ignored.

Hamilton opened the door, looked at me with a shocked expression. He opened his mouth to speak, but I shook my head. “You can forget about anything ever happening between us. I can’t believe you left me at the hospital without saying a single word! I would never be with a man who would leave me when I needed him the most. You might as well have just left me on the concrete outside the café if that’s how much you cared!” I said.

Then I turned on my heel to leave, face hot and heart pounding. He grabbed my arm.

“Roxanne, wait,” he said.

CHAPTER 29

HAMILTON

What a mess I’d made. Even through her fury I could see the hurt, the vulnerability in her eyes. I was so ashamed that I’d walked out on her at the hospital.

“Please, come in and talk for a minute. You have every right to be mad. I’d like a chance to apologize. Will you come sit down, let me make my closing argument like we were in court?” I asked, my voice gentle.

She nodded and followed me into the kitchen.

“Colin’s asleep,” I said, as she sat down. I got her a glass of ice water and sat across from her.

“I’ve had time to think about what happened, about how I ran out on you at the hospital. I was wrong and selfish and a coward, Roxanne. It triggered a lot of terrible memories of my wife’s illness and death. I panicked. I was so overwhelmed with the fear of losing someone I love again—”

“You what? You love me?” she said, looking completely flabbergasted. I couldn’t help smiling at her.

“How could I not? You’re beautiful and intelligent and hardworking and kind and—of course, I love you, Roxanne. I’ve been in love with you for longer than I’d care to admit.”

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