Page 45 of Falling for Roxanne

“You said that your dad had difficulty finding and keeping a job. Is that the trouble?” I asked.

“That’s part of it. Mainly he’s had a lot of trouble settling back in to a normal life, and he was so used to the routine and the rules and everything in prison. It’s a total culture shock even now. And my mom, well, she has depression and it’s hard for her and then hard on him to see her that way, knowing how his conviction was a big part of the trauma that sort of caused the depression,” she said.

I covered her hand with mine, giving her a squeeze of sympathy and compassion, friendship. I felt badly for her and realized even more how important vindicating my wrongly convicted client was to her. I wanted to win so Garza would be set free, to correct the wrong that was done to him when his public defender failed to see the suspicious chain of evidence and questionable testimonies in his first trial. But now I wanted to win for Roxanne, to set this right and show her how much she really was capable of fighting injustice and helping people. To show her that new beginnings were possible after all.

CHAPTER 26

ROXANNE

Things were not getting easier. My life was already a catastrophe between falling for my unavailable professor and now having an unexpected pregnancy I couldn’t tell him about. When I joined him at the defense table in the courtroom, it felt so natural, consulting with him, passing notes about the proceedings, the way we collaborated. I went to his house for supper and met his son, and that was like Hamilton had opened a window into his personal life for me.

His warmth and ease with Colin just showed me painfully what a good father he was, and how my baby deserved a dad like him. And also that I had seen the pained look on his face when I had signed his son’s cast, knowing that he was reliving all that fear and guilt from the accident. He wasn’t prepared to suffer through the anxiety and worry of raising more children. Colin was enough for him, and he was obviously doing a terrific job with his son. I sighed, wishing for the millionth time things could’ve been different.

After three harrowing days, the DA finally rested the prosecution’s case right before the daily recess for lunch. I was confident that they hadn’t established Garza’s guilt, not with the sharp, clever maneuvering of Hamilton discrediting all the prosecution’s witnesses.

All that time, Daniel Garza sat at the table on the other side of Hamilton, his hands folded on the table, handcuffs ringing his wrists, humble and quiet, taking it all in. My heart went out to him. He was only a few years younger than my dad had been when everything went wrong, and I knew how hard it would be to sit in silence while men in suits flung accusations about him in court.

We had an hour before the case would reconvene and Hamilton would begin to call witnesses and present our case, presenting the real truth of what happened. I felt so fortunate to be able to observe him and learn from him. I told him so when we were walking to a nearby café for a quick sandwich. I didn’t feel like eating, and only managed a couple of bites.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concerned that I wasn’t eating.

“Yeah, I guess I’m just nervous about this afternoon. I know you’re brilliant, it’s not that. It’s just such a massive responsibility, this man’s freedom is in your hands.”

“I won’t screw up, Roxanne,” he said with a crooked grin.

“I know you won’t. I just—I guess it’s nerves. Maybe some fresh air would help. It’s kind of stuffy in here. I’m just going to step outside for a minute. Go ahead and finish up.”

“I’m fine. I’ll get the check and then meet you outside,” he said. I nodded and made my way to the sidewalk, a little wobbly.

I tried to take slow deep breaths but by the time I made it to the pavement, I was blinking fast trying to get the black splotches at the edges of my vision to clear up. I felt dizzy and couldn’t see clearly at all, and then the lightheadedness got worse, and I knew I was falling.

CHAPTER 27

HAMILTON

The waiting room at the ER was crowded, but I was pacing anyway. I didn’t care if I looked like a caged animal. I couldn’t sit still. I had looked up from the cashier stand at the café just in time to see Roxanne collapse. By the time I reached her she was unconscious on the sidewalk, crumpled like a rag doll, her face so pale. Somehow, I called an ambulance, somehow I got word to the judge that we needed to resume the following day. When she stirred and tried to sit up before the ambulance arrived, I tried to convince her everything was fine.

“Just sit back. They’ll be right here and you’re going to get checked out at the hospital.”

“I don’t need to go to the hospital. Please, Hamilton—” she said, looking panicked. I shook my head.

“You have to be examined. You fainted. I never should have let you go outside alone when you said you needed air. I’m going to have to insist that you go to the hospital to be checked out.”

She nodded. “Don’t call my parents or anything. I don’t want to worry anyone. I’ll tell them what’s going on once I know something,” she said. I agreed not to alarm anyone and while she rode in the ambulance—despite insisting to the paramedics that she was perfectly fine—I drove myself to the hospital.

It was all a blur. The confusion, the fear, the way it triggered such vivid, awful memories of when Heather got sick so suddenly—I broke out in a sweat. The last thing I wanted to do was go to that hospital. I hadn’t been back there since she died. And knowing that Roxanne was being taken to the ER and checked for something serious—a brain tumor, a seizure, a stroke—it all seemed so terrifying and too familiar.

I couldn’t do this, not again. I felt like I was drowning, like I couldn’t get a single breath of air. I called Kyle while I paced and told him what had happened, that my intern had collapsed and was in the ER, that I was trying not to jump out of my skin in the waiting room while she was in triage.

“I can’t. I had thought maybe I could, maybe it had been long enough, and I was rational enough to know that just because we lost Heather doesn’t mean that tragedy was going to follow us around or that I couldn’t risk falling in love again. But, Kyle, there’s just no way in hell I can do this. I feel so helpless, and I shouldn’t have ever considered a future with Roxanne at all,” I said.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine. She probably just hadn’t eaten all day or something. Besides, you’re in a very emotional state right now and shouldn’t be making any big decisions. You’re in a panic, which is understandable given your past, but you have to remember that this isn’t the same situation, and you’re not destined to lose her. Step back and think about it reasonably,” Kyle said calmly.

“Sure, you’re right,” I said. “I’ve got to go.”

I couldn’t stay on the phone with Kyle who was so rational and patient with me, when I was way too deep in my own past trauma to be reasonable about anything. I couldn’t lose someone else I loved. It was as simple as that. A nurse was coming toward me, and I put my phone in my pocket and swallowed hard, bracing myself.

“Miss Park is awake and resting comfortably. She was a little dehydrated and we’re giving her fluids. You’re welcome to come back and sit with her until she’s ready to go,” she said. I shook my head.

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