Page 38 of Falling for Roxanne

Once I got home, I thought I’d feel better. I put on my favorite cozy shorts and tee and pulled my hair back. I even checked my temp and had no fever. I heated up some chicken soup and the smell alone turned my stomach. I tried running a bath to relax in, but the hot water made me feel dizzy and weird. I got out and opened the cabinet to look and see if I had anything for an upset stomach that I could take.

When the box of tampons fell out of the cabinet, I looked at them like they were Lady Macbeth’s bloody hands telling the tale. I should’ve had my period like a week ago. I looked at the calendar on my phone. Ten days. I was ten days late. And my cycle ran like clockwork, always had.

My heart pounded and I sat down hard on the bathroom floor and called Cathy. She hurried back after her class with a pregnancy test and told me I had to pee on it.

“I don’t want to,” I said miserably.

“Quit whining and pee on the stick,” she said. “You know I’m here for you. We’re family. We’ll figure this out. But you have to know for sure. I mean, you’ve had a lot of stress from school and the internship and all the sexy times and drama with Professor Bell…maybe that threw off your cycle.”

“Thanks for trying,” I said with a sigh. “I’ll just—I’ll do it. Thanks for bringing me a test and waiting with me.”

“No problem. Are you gonna eat the soup on the stove?”

“No. I turned the burner off, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, I just thought it smelled good.”

“Ugh. It absolutely did not smell good to me. You’re welcome to it. I’ll pee on the stick and contemplate my future.”

I ripped open the package and read the directions all the way through twice and studied the diagrams. I felt ill at the mere thought of it—at the knowledge that I’d been careless and might be bringing a child into the world when I was single and living with a roommate and didn’t even have a job. I’d need childcare and a crib and diapers…

“Hey, you’re spiraling into panic. I can see it on your face. Just pee on the stick. Don’t freak out till you know if you’re even pregnant,” Cathy said from the doorway, spooning soup into her mouth.

“I’m so scared,” I admitted.

“I know. I’ve done this, and it was just a scare. Maybe it’s just a scare. I mean you only did it, what? Once? The odds should be in your favor.”

“I told you before, I’ve never been lucky,” I said dismally.

I shut the door and peed on the stick, setting it in the sink to wait the two minutes. I closed my eyes and offered up a prayer to whoever might be listening. When my phone beeped, I opened the door and held the stick out to show Cathy the pink lines that had appeared side by side, straight as soldiers on the results window.

“Oh my God,” I whispered. “I’m pregnant.”

“Wow. Looks that way. I really thought it was going to be a scare and nothing more. Congratulations! And I’m so sorry this happened before you were ready, also,” she said. “It’s hard to know whether to act like this is a happy thing or not. It’s going to change a lot of things for you.”

“Everything just got exponentially more complicated. But that isn’t the baby’s fault. The baby is good news. Of course, that’s a happy thing, and I need to get vitamins and make a doctor’s appointment. The campus clinic will have resources and information. I’ll just get on their web site,” I said.

“Take a minute, drink some water. Or tea. Do you need hot tea? That seems like a pregnant lady thing,” Cathy said with a nervous laugh. “Uh oh, no more caffeine. Goodbye Monday morning coffee.”

“That’s not a big problem. Plus, I can save that five bucks for my medical bills and daycare costs. And diapers. Wow. I’m going to have to tell my parents, and they are going to be so disappointed. They wanted me to have a better life, no food stamps and no prison and no subsidized housing…all I had to do was make good grades to keep my scholarship and not get knocked up.” I buried my face in my hands. “I’ve let them down, Cath.”

She put her arms around me, “No you haven’t. They want you to be happy, healthy and successful. You’re pregnant. You’re not stealing food stamps on your way to prison, and there’s nothing wrong with needing help. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and you’re not in this alone.”

“Thanks, you’re going to be the most amazing aunt,” I sniffled.

“I’m here for you, too, obviously, but I meant Professor Bell. The father of your baby. He’s a dad, a really good one from what you tell me. I’m sure he’ll be part of the baby’s life and help with support and stuff. Maybe he can cover the day care.”

“No, no way,” I said, a sick twisting in my chest. “I don’t want him to think I’m trying to trap him into a relationship he doesn’t want or tie him down. He might think I did it on purpose.”

“So you’re concerned that the guy you slept with spontaneously on a desk is going to believe you connived to get his sperm? That’s a little unhinged. I don’t think he or any other rational person would think that. And you’re not going to try to get him to marry you or anything. It’s only fair that he takes equal responsibility. This baby is going to have a big brother, and a dad. You have to let him know,” Cathy said.

“I need to lie down,” I said.

“Feeling sick again?”

“Not sick. Overwhelmed. I have no idea how to handle this,” I confessed.

CHAPTER 21

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