Page 31 of Falling for Roxanne

“It’s no more than he deserves.”

“You are creative and dangerous. I should stay on your good side,” Cathy said, wiping her streaming eyes. “That made me feel a lot better. Thanks.”

“Anytime you need imaginative curses placed on your exes, I’m your girl,” I said. “In all seriousness he is never going to find anyone half as great as you. All we can hope is that he realizes that with deep regret, and poopy pants.”

“You’re the best, babe,” she said. “I’m so sorry that your fling with the hot professor has to stop, but you have to take care of yourself. I don’t just mean use a condom. I mean, protect your career, protect your reputation. You are worth so much more as a person and a future attorney than he could possibly realize, and even if he professed his love with a Cartier ring this instant, you don’t need him. You just need to make sure that this thing doesn’t wreak havoc on your last semester. After you have your diploma, you can fuck whoever you want.”

“So it’s not a license to practice law I’m getting, it’s a license to fuck anyone I want? That is awesome and they should put that in the brochure for pre-law students,” I laughed.

“Most of the students, pre-law or otherwise, already fuck whoever they want—within reason.”

I shook my head. “I made a bad choice, or it looks that way on paper. It didn’t feel like a bad choice. I would know it was wrong if it were. My dad always said we have a compass that keeps us going in the right direction. We have a bad feeling if we’re doing something wrong.”

“Honey, maybe your compass got thrown off by all the orgasms. You wouldn’t be the first girl who got confused by a man with a golden gun if you know what I mean.”

“I know what you mean, but it wasn’t like that. I didn’t forget to worry my pretty little head about the ethical implications of getting involved with my professor because he made my clit explode. I’m not stupid, and it wasn’t just a physical attraction.”

“Maybe the forbidden thing got to you. As a woman who has picked dare every time in truth or dare, I can relate to the appeal of the taboo.”

“I don’t think that’s it,” I argued. “I just want you to think about the best way to go forward, which is looking out for your own interests. I don’t want anyone talking about you or saying you didn’t earn everything you got. You are so smart, and I don’t want one---how can I say this? Without making you curse me with diarrhea…” she faltered.

“You think I messed up and you want to keep me from messing up even more. I get it. It comes from a caring place because you’re my best friend. I love you. But I’m not making stupid decisions. I swear.”

“I know you think that, and I trust you. But your compass may just be pointing at his dick because he’s good with it. I know that sounds insulting, but I don’t mean it like that. I don’t want to see you get hurt or lose out on a lot of opportunities because he turned your head.”

I hugged her. “I know, babe. I love you. But you have to trust me here. I’m not going to screw up. I know things can turn on a dime and everything goes down the toilet just like what happened to my dad. My family, we’re not lucky,” I said. “So we’re careful.”

“I think this calls for ice cream,” she said. We cracked open the Ben & Jerry’s and got out our spoons. I remembered again how lucky I was to have a friend as loyal and awesome as Cathy. Even if she was wrong about Hamilton and me.

CHAPTER 17

HAMILTON

The room we use for depositions was set up more like a cozy living area than a conference room. Syd had insisted it would make people more comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.

She had been right. Most of our witnesses chose to sit on the couch and some of them even held a book or the soft blanket she’d draped over the back of an easy chair. before they were done. Making it comfortable had been a smart move on Syd’s part. But that couch was looming over Roxanne’s shoulder in my peripheral vision.

That couch was like a wicked temptation. I didn’t want it there, didn’t want the possibility of a soft, comfortable surface, a door with a lock and a couch and a blanket and the knowledge of how quickly I could be between her legs there. I could push back my chair and go around the table and—no.

I wouldn’t let myself think about it. I disciplined myself, sat upright in my chair, jaw clenched, making notes with a messier scrawl than usual. The way I wanted her was invading my brain and my motor skills were getting worse. I cleared my throat and took a drink from my water bottle deliberately. It was torture sitting this close beside Roxanne at what I now realized was a much-too-small table. We were both staring at our notes as if we were in middle school and trying studiously not to look directly at our crushes in class. I was irritable, and half-crazed with longing.

When Syd brought the witness into the room I nearly shouted, ‘Hallelujah,’ because the interruption was so welcome. The air was thick with tension and an intoxicating sense of possibility. The sobering sight of Pansy Lestrade, a short woman in her late thirties was like a much-needed cold shower. I stood and offered her my hand.

“Thank you for coming, Ms. Lestrade. I know this is difficult,” I said as smoothly as I could. I gestured to the seat across from us and she faltered.

“Can I just sit on the couch?” she asked, and at once the brazen appearance seemed to turn brittle. She was scared.

“Of course,” I said, “would you like something to drink?”

“Yeah, but I quit that when I quit the drugs. It’s a damn shame, because I could use a shot right now. My hands are shaking,” she said, holding out one hand to show the tremor.

At once, Roxanne was at her side, and took her hand. “Your hands are like ice,” she proclaimed. “Do you want some hot tea? There’s a really good chai that Syd and I keep in the cabinet so the boys don’t get it,” she said conspiratorially. Pansy’s face seemed to relax a little.

“That’d be real nice,” she said. “I don’t know why I’m so freaked out.”

“Law offices are like doctor’s offices,” Roxanne said. “You never know what kind of news you’re going to get there, and it makes you nervous. I’m in law school, like I told you, and even I get a little queasy going into the courthouse like, ‘oh shit, what have I done?’” she said with a friendly smile.

“I been in the courthouse a few times myself, and it was never a good time, I can tell ya that,” Pansy said.

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