Page 13 of Falling for Roxanne

“Okay, Daddy. Thanks,” he said.

Colin picked up his plate and silverware and took them to the sink. I smiled at him, at his sweet concentration.

“You’re the best, kiddo,” I told him.

“You the best Daddy.”

“I love you,” I said, and he ran over and hugged me. I scooped him up like I used to when he was smaller and held him. He put his arms around my neck and held on tight and I just loved him so much and wished so hard that I could make this right, that I could give him everything he needed.

“You know Mom is watching over you,” I said.

“I know,” Colin replied solemnly.

Then I put him down and watched him scamper off for his pajamas while I pulled up Heather’s music on my phone. He’d be splashing around to the tune of some Justin Timberlake. She’d had terrible taste in music, and I smiled at the memory of her, big and pregnant, dancing around the kitchen to “Bringing Sexy Back” at top volume.

It hurt to remember that, but I sat with the memory until I could calmly go through the details—I’d learned not to push things aside, even waves of grief however inconvenient. I gave my son his bath and told him funny stories about his mom. I read him a book, tucked him in bed. All was right with the world, my son sleeping safe and healthy in his room.

So when I cleaned up the kitchen and opened a beer, I let myself feel how tired I was, how exhausting it is to be a single parent, even one with resources and childcare help from my sister.

I went to my study and clicked open a file on the computer screen, going over preliminary depositions and making notes for follow up questions as well as a list for Devon and Roxanne to find information on.

My thoughts strayed to Roxanne again, and how awake and energetic I felt around her, like I was coming back to life after a long hibernation. She was bright and lively and curious, full of the enthusiasm I had thought I lost years ago. Before I could stop the thought in its tracks, it occurred to me. It might not be so bad to have someone in my life again, a girlfriend, a partner. Someone to unwind with, talk things over, slow dance in the dining room or wake up next to in bed.

A pang started in my chest, and at first, I thought it might be grief again, but it was longing, pure and simple. I longed for a woman in my life, and more specifically, troublesome as it might be, I longed for Roxanne Park in my life.

And no matter how often I lectured myself on how impossible that was, the longing just wouldn’t go away.

CHAPTER 10

ROXANNE

I took another drink of coffee and Cathy rolled her eyes at me. “You’re basically made of caffeine and stress now, you know?”

“That’s not true. I had a muffin. So I’m also made of carbs,” I said.

“How can something that’s only three days a week be taking up this much time? It’s part time.”

“I’m sorry, did you not realize that becoming a lawyer was gonna require paying our dues and some actual work?” I asked.

“You get snarky when you’re tired. You need a nap.”

“Well, with this amount of coffee, that’s probably not in the cards for me,” I said. “I love the internship. You know I do. I’m finally getting my feet wet on a real case, and it’s even better than I expected it to be. I thought I’d just be making copies and stuff, but I’m doing a bunch of work on this appeal because the paralegal is swamped and not a real go-getter anyway,” I said.

“You are such a try-hard,” she laughed, “are you hoping for a gold star from the professor?”

“This particular professor can give me a gold star anytime he wants,” I said, before I could stop myself, and then I blushed a little while Cathy cackled.

“You are so into him. Are you going to go to his house to work late on the big case? Just accidentally sleep over?” she teased.

“No. Of course not. He’s just so intelligent and fair-minded and realistic about the failings of the judicial system and the bias problems in policing—”

“That’s hot. I put that on my profile—turn ons: guys that know the bias issues with policing make me wet.”

“Cath,” I said, snorting with laughter, “I didn’t say that. I just mean, he’s fascinating. And—”

“The fact that he looks like he lives in the weight room at the gym doesn’t hurt? Seriously, girl, you expect me to think you only want him for his brain? He wore Levis to class this week.”

“Yeah?” I said, like I didn’t know exactly what she was talking about.

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