Page 35 of Always Yours

I don’t think I have ever been so angry in my entire life, and that’s saying something. How could he think I was cheating on him? He’s the only man I see.

I see Bianca being brought to his room and shake my head. Am I just going to turn into another Bianca? Will he hate me and treat me with cold indifference now?

I really fucked up my life. I’ve only been gone from my home for a month, and I’m already knocked up. My life is already mapped out for me.

There is no way I could get rid of the baby; I know I will raise it with love. I will treat this baby how I always wanted my parents to treat my brothers and me. This baby is going to have their own choices in their life.

I grab Nick’s knives and start heading out to the back, thinking of the only thing that will give me some stress relief.

Sasha is following me the whole way as I walk towards some trees so I know that no one will end up getting hurt.

I stop thinking and start throwing knives at a tree. I imagine a target there the whole time. If I happen to picture Derek as the target, then no one will know but me.

The thought brings a smirk to my lips as I throw each knife, constantly hitting my target.

“You’re pretty fucking scary good at this,” Sasha says softly.

I let out a chuckle. “Nick has been teaching me everything I know. This seems to calm me.”

“It’s pretty scary how throwing knives calms you,” she says, making me laugh.

“I needed a way to defend myself if the need ever came. Now, I just love how it feels,” I tell her with a shrug.

“Makes sense,” she says with a nod.

“Distract me. Tell me what’s going on with you and Bear,” I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.

She shrugs. “I like him and everything. I just think he deserves more than me,” she tells me.

“What makes you think you aren’t good enough for him?” I ask. I stop throwing and give her my full attention.

“Look at me. I was homeless not two weeks ago and I have nothing to offer him,” she says in defeat.

“You have yourself to offer him and that will be enough. I’ve known him for a long time, and I can tell he cares for you more than you think he does,” I say.

“Yeah, but I can’t offer him what really matters,” she says.

“What would that be?” I ask. She looks like she’s on the verge of tears.

“I can’t have kids. I had some problems when I was a teenager and I ended up getting a hysterectomy. There is no chance for kids in our future. Maybe if we adopt, but I couldn’t give him one of his own,” she says with tears falling down her cheeks.

“Oh sweetie. Kids aren’t all that matters. Sure, I’m pregnant and my opinion might not mean much right now, but I know Bear will love you for you. Who knows if he would even want kids? After the way we were raised, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t.”

I wrap her up in a hug and let her cry against my shoulder.

“You need to talk to him. You can’t decide for him what he wants or doesn’t want. That’s not fair to him,” I tell her when she doesn’t say anything else.

She nods her head against me. “I know. I will.”

“Heck, Razor thinks I cheated on him and that’s why I’m pregnant,” I tell her, pulling away.

She gets angry at my words. “Why would he think that? That’s ridiculous. You are practically in love with him.”

“Not practically. I am. I know it’s fast, and sometimes I wonder if it’s just lust blinding me into thinking I am in love with him, but I really do believe I am in love with him. But then I told him I was pregnant, and he accused me of sleeping with someone else,” I tell her with a shrug, trying to hide how much those words hurt me.

“With all the time you have?” she says sarcastically, shaking her head.

I chuckle with a sad smile. “Yeah, I don’t get much time in between cleaning and cooking. The only time I have is with you where we bullshit about whatever, and then it’s time to start all over again.”

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