Page 13 of Always There For You

Hadley nearly went limp with relief. But for Amelia’s sake — and hers, honestly — she had to keep up the quips. Be Hadley, be Amelia’s best friend and always-there-human. “Yeah, of course. Just let me know when you’re out of the bath and I can help.”

Amelia blinked. Looked away. Bit her lip. Looked back. By the time Hadley registered all that, Amelia’s cheeks were redder. “Would now be okay? The water’s still hot and I don’t want to get out and I’m probably more relaxed -“

Hadley slid her grip down and squeezed Amelia’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “Say no more.”

There was a footstool in the corner, so Hadley brought it and more towels over. Some part of her was secretly more at ease now that she was seated behind Amelia and not staring at wide brown eyes or splashes of freckles across a round face and upper chest. Temptation lay there. It was ground on which she dared not tread, though in reality she knew that she should just confess. Say something, anything, to tell Amelia how she felt. But like the age old story, fear of losing her best friend won out every single time.

A terrible, horrible, bittersweet thing.

As Hadley stared at Amelia’s soft skin and rounded shoulders, she sighed. Then got to work; pulled up her hair, tightened the messy loop she strung it into, and then put her hands on Amelia’s biceps. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

She’d done this before, maybe dozens of times in the past. This one was different. This time scared her. She was raw from the torrent of emotions; from the gripping, needy, clawing thing that was her love. Hadley’s eyes burned as she leaned forward to rest her forehead on the back of Amelia’s head. She felt her friend’s deep breath, the way her shoulders sank that final, precious inch.

Relaxed. Easy. Slow. Quiet.

Her Amelia finally letting go, letting Hadley be the one to take her there. That yearning in her soul rushed forward, ready to claim, so convinced it was finally free to exclaim to the world how much she loved this person. How she ached with it.

All she could do was confess.

Hadley pressed her fingers into Amelia’s shoulders, desperate to brand the memory of that touch into her brain. Like preserving flowers between the pages of a book. Forever embalmed, then set aside.

She couldn’t keep doing this. Couldn’t keep torturing herself.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Chapter five

There was no stopping the tears that dripped into her bathwater. Amelia knew Hadley couldn’t see her but somehow that didn’t matter in the moment. Some part of her wanted; wanted Hadley to see the tears, the twisted frown, the sadness and love swimming in her eyes.

Because Hadley’s “I love you” devastated her.

It shattered her reality, her solid wall built on doubts and fears. The wall meant to protect her heart and hide the one secret she’d never, ever tell.

But Hadley loved her.

Her inhale trembled as she sought to regain some kind of balance. And those warm fingers, slippery from the bath oils, stilled on her shoulders. “Ames?”

The tears still fell. Her breath still shook. But she couldn’t answer. She tried to convince herself she didn’t know how but Amelia knew that was cowardly.

She loved Hadley. Always had, and always would. And now…

“Ames, you’re scaring me.” The sound of wood creaking hit her and then Hadley was on her right, staring at her over the lip of the tub. “What hurts? What do you need -“

“Hadley.”

Hadley’s gaze shot up to meet hers, and Amelia took the chance to lean forward. She was distantly aware of her nudity, her vulnerability. Of the closeness of Hadley’s warmth and scent, how easily she could twist her fingers into those waves or run fingertips across that rounded jaw. She knew all of that. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. It was all she could force out against the weight like a semi truck on her chest.

It was too much. Overwhelmed didn’t cover the depth of what she was feeling, how it crashed over her, rolled her around until her world had no up or down, left or right. She saw Hadley swallow hard, tracked the movement of her throat and itched to follow the path with a touch. “Sorry for what?”

Amelia’s frown deepened. “That I got hurt. I was careless. I was in such a rush and that put it on you and that’s so unfair. I know better. But I can’t just…sit around and let everyone do everything for me. But when you’re here, it’s like…” Hadley watched her with caution and care and it hurt. So much, too much. “It’s like I forget when you’re gone. When you come back, I mean. Because you fill in the holes. And then I do something stupid and get hurt, and I worry I’m taking advantage of you.”

“Wait, what?” Instantly Hadley was grabbing her hand, squeezing it hard. “Never. Never ever ever.” That lovely voice, a crooner’s melody bound in silk, hardened. “You are never a burden. Not to me, not to anyone. And if anyone has ever made you feel that way, point me to them. I’ll get the knives.”

“Hads.” The tears drying on her face were starting to feel tacky but there was no reality in which she let go of Hadley.

“No, I’m serious.” Hadley gave her hand a final squeeze and let go. “Because you do so fucking much and it’s not fair that anyone has made you feel like that. You can’t help your body, and hell, I just -“ Hadley stopped herself abruptly and looked away. “I know you’ve been through it over the years,” she finally said, arctic tone now melted . “Can I admit something?” Breath caught somewhere between her lungs and throat, Amelia nodded. “I had a long flight over and I was trying to sleep and nothing was working. Not even listening to that rain soundtrack you gave me. So I’m lying there staring at the ceiling, wondering what was next. Cause there’s usually something. But all I could think about was this new place and the new business and how in the middle of all of the newness, there would be you. So it didn’t matter what was next because I'd be with you.”

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