Page 26 of Phantom

“I guess tonight’s dessert was tasty.”

You couldn’t go wrong with Boston cream pie and maple walnut ice cream. Not unless you were Odette, anyway—she’d only managed to shed three of the eight pounds she’d planned to lose, and her dress was slightly on the tight side, which was probably another reason she’d been so antagonistic earlier. Stress turned her mean. And she still hadn’t mentioned a word about her possible pregnancy, so maybe hormones were involved as well.

“Is that what you’re calling my cock now? Dessert?”

“Depends. Are there any of the strawberry-flavoured condoms left?”

“You used them all.” He tightened his arms and groaned. “And as much as I’d like to fuck you right here in the hot tub, I’m not sure if that’s safe.”

Right. Chlorine, heat, slippage… “I could google?”

“Or you could relax and let me use my fingers.”

“Or…” How would he react to a really personal question? “When was your last medical?”

“Six months ago.”

“Oh.”

“Babe, if you’re asking whether I’m clear of STDs, I haven’t had another woman since that night in the parking lot.”

What? I twisted to face him, and he groaned again, but this time it was altogether filthier.

“Are you serious?”

“Deadly.” Hawk nuzzled my neck. “Why would I want anyone else? You gave me everything I thought I needed.”

“Everything you thought you needed?”

“Fuck.” He cursed under his breath. “We shouldn’t do this, not tonight.”

“Do what?” My mind cycled through the possibilities, and of course it landed on the worst one. “Wait, are you dumping me?”

Dumping me in a hot tub on what was quite possibly the most uncomfortable weekend of my life? Because that was low. Really freaking low. I tried to scramble up, but he held firm.

“I’m not dumping you. Are you crazy? I’m… I don’t know what I’m doing.”

He sounded almost flustered, and Hawk never got flustered.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know where to start,” he admitted.

“How about at the beginning?”

“The beginning?”

Hawk’s expression turned haunted, and I wondered if I’d regret having this conversation. What had Mom always said? That some secrets were better left buried. It was one of the few scraps of wisdom she’d ever shared, buried in between gems like “eyebrows should be plucked, never bushy” and “never expect a man to vacuum.”

“We don’t have to do this,” I whispered, but he shook his head.

“You already know about my mom. Her death hit me hard, but not as hard as… Dammit.”

He swiped at his eyes, and I didn’t know where to look. What to do. We’d gone from sexy time to deep and meaningful in barely a heartbeat. This wasn’t what I’d signed up for, but I found that I wanted to be there for him. Needed to take away his pain.

“It’s okay. Whatever it is, we’ll make it okay.”

“Will we?” He took a deep breath. “Nearly a decade ago, I got recruited to join a covert team. I can’t go into the details, but I’m the last man standing. There were four of us. We were on a job in Ukraine when we got ambushed by a Russian hit team.”

---