Page 71 of Mex

Can I ever be truly free with that mark on my soul?

If I kill Death, it is a regret I will take to the grave with me. I don’t know that I can ever just forget about it and enjoy my newfound freedom. Yet, at the same time, the thought of staying in this world, with Marek running things, is almost equally terrifying.

Arriving at the club, I pay the cab driver and climb out, walking in past the two guys standing at the front gates, smoking. Their eyes fall on me, then move to my neck, and I know the mark that Marek left is unable to be hidden. I know that when I see Mex, he’s going to cast his eyes on it, and he’ll know...he will know what I have done.

I don’t owe him anything, I know that. Hell, the man was sleeping with another woman just days ago, but that doesn’t stop the dull ache in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach as I walk through the doors and rush to my room. Managing to make it without running into anyone, I lock the door and sit on the edge of my bed, closing my eyes and dropping my head into my hands.

I have a choice to make, and I don’t have long to make it.

Twenty-four hours. He gave me twenty-four hours to either kill Death or give up my chance at freedom. Either way, I don’t have long to make a life altering decision, and there isn’t anyone in the world I can talk to about it. Not even Jayme. He would want me to go and live my life, but at the same time, I know he wouldn’t want me to kill Death.

How the hell am I supposed to make this choice?

Voices in the hall have me pushing off the bed and going over to the door. I can make out Western’s voice, talking to someone else, maybe Colt. I step up closer to the door and press my ear against it, listening in.

“She’s not here,” Western says, his voice low. “The information she gave us led me to someone we’ve been lookin’ for for a while.”

“Who?”

If I was to guess, I would say it’s Colt he is speaking to, but it’s hard to tell.

“The man in charge of everythin’ to do with what put me in prison for so long. I fuckin’ found him. I know who he is.”

“Fuck. Are you goin’ to follow this up?”

“Fuckin’ yeah, I am. This is what I’ve been waitin’ for. We’ve got to be careful, though. Powerful man.”

“What about Marek?”

“Girl is right, he’s not someone we should be goin’ to war with right now. For the moment, I’m goin’ to deal with the fucker who had a hand in ruinin’ my life. You in?”

“Fuck yeah, I’m in.”

I push away from the door, releasing the breath I was holding.

I did it.

I changed their focus. I successfully pushed them away from Marek and onto Ivan, and that is something they’ll spend a long time fighting. By the time they come back to Marek, he’ll be far too powerful for them to ever go near, especially when he takes over what my mother was running.

I completed one task, and now I have just one more to finish.

I can practically taste the freedom on my tongue, but it’s coated with something bitter.

Lifting my pillow, I bring it to my face, and I scream into it, over and over, letting all the frustrations in my soul out. Slumping down to the ground, I hang my head and exhale loudly as my body aches. I know what I have to do because I know what it is I want the most deep down in my soul.

I have to kill Death.

Because I cannot live a single moment longer in this world.

I’m uncertain if I’ll ever be able to live a single day without guilt after doing it, but I also know that if I can’t get away from this life, I’ll never live a day regardless. I’ll always be drowning in hatred and darkness. Eventually, I will fall into something I can’t escape from, and my life will be savagely ripped from me.

Death will die regardless because if I don’t kill him, Marek will.

At least if it’s me, he can go with dignity, knowing he was willing to fight for it all.

He can go and be with her, the only one he ever genuinely loved.

It doesn’t matter what I tell myself, I know when the moment comes, it’s going to harden a piece of my heart that I’ll never be able to soften again. I know it, but it is a choice I’ve made and one I’ll follow through with because I too deserve to live a life worthy of something. Nobody will give that to me, so I’ll have to give it to myself.

---