Page 80 of Courageous Hearts

“I do,” I answer on a wisp of air.

She nods once. “Then follow your gut.”

My gut.

I guess most people do follow their gut. But my gut instincts have always seemed to reside a little to the left of my sternum.

I listen to my heart. It hasn’t steered me wrong yet.

I’m scared; that’s true. A part of me worries this may frighten Bo off, that it’s too much, too soon.

And yet everything inside my chest is aching to go south. It’s like a physical pull. A powerful drive I can’t ignore. That internal compass.

You make me feel safe.

“I’m going to Texas.”

My mom beams, looking so proud I nearly choke up. “Go, dear. Go get that ticket and see your Bo.”

“I already bought the ticket,” I admit. I purchased it early this morning, as soon as I got off work. I barely even slept between then and now, when I came over to my mom’s for advice. I glance at the clock. “My plane leaves in two and a half hours.”

“Well, get going,” she says around a laugh. “Tell Bo I said hi and that I can’t wait to meet them.”

I chuckle, shaking my head as I stand up. “Will do. Thanks, Mom. For listening.”

“Of course, Jameson. I’m always here for that when you need it.”

I lean down to give my mom a kiss on the cheek, and then I’m out the door, jogging to my car. As soon as I’m on the road, I dial Dee via my car’s Bluetooth. She answers on the fourth ring.

“Hello?” she asks, sounding as if I’d woken her up. “Jameson?”

“Hey, Dee. I’m sorry for calling you this early.” I look at the dashboard and wince. Seven-thirty.

“That’s okay,” she says. “What’s going on?”

“I kind of need a favor. And… What do you think the chances of Missa not firing me for missing three days of work are?”

“Oh, boy,” Dee says, sounding more alert now. “Tell me everything.”

Chapter 24

Bo

“Darlin’, you want any tea?” Sara asks, eyeing me in concern.

I shake my head, scrolling through my phone but not really seeing anything. I feel a little bit like a teenager again, sulking on Sara’s couch, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She squeezes my shoulder before moving on, whistling in the kitchen as she prepares more of her garden spoils for preservation.

I know I need to get up off this couch at some point today, but I haven’t yet been able to muster up the drive. I didn’t end up going over to the guys’ last night, either. I was too…

Definitely not surprised by how my conversation with Diesel went. But more torn up than I thought I’d be. I’ve been second-guessing my decision to cut ties for the past twenty-four hours, but every time I mull it over, I come back around to the same conclusion.

Keeping in touch would mean compromising myself. I’d be putting Diesel’s feelings above my own and everyone I care for who’s like me. Above my beliefs and what I strive so hard to live every single day—pride in who I am. In being queer, nonbinary, masc, femme, accepting, inclusive, loving, and a part of that beautiful, colorful rainbow.

It’s the right decision, but Diesel’s face has been haunting my waking hours ever since. I can’t stop thinking about the frogs. About the good times we did have. I can’t stop wishing he could open his heart and his mind and see that it doesn’t hurt him, accepting others for who they are. We’re no threat. We’re all people.

I sigh, tossing my phone onto the couch, unable to look at the meaningless words blurring by any longer. Maybe I should take a nap.

“Bo?” my aunt calls out, her whistling ceased.

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