Page 22 of Liv Parrish

“The last relationship I was in, was also with a man who wanted to protect me above all else. He was a firefighter, and he was injured while doing his job. Severe burns and a back injury confined him to a wheelchair. We were engaged at the time, but he ended our relationship by leaving me. He made that decision and no matter what I did, how much I begged him to stay, he still left.” I can see that this shocks Heath, but he doesn’t say anything. “I know it’s not fair to draw comparisons, but the thing is you’re the one who places himself in danger daily. You are the one who could get hurt, or die, or just walk away.” I watch him carefully for his reaction. I realize I’ve given him an out, that he could decide right now that we’re not that serious after all and that he was done messing around, but I should have known better.

“Hey, listen to me, okay? I will not leave. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you, and I know we don’t know each other well enough for you to trust me on this yet, but I’m giving you my word anyway. I am not the type of guy who leaves when things get tough. If we’re committed to each other, then this is my place, next to you. And yours is next to me. And just so we’re clear, I am committed to you, to this relationship. I’m not much for playing games or wasting time when I know what I want. I’m not going to push you, but I want you to know how I feel.”

It’s a sweet sentiment and I can see he believes what he says. I want to believe him too. I want more than anything to want this, but maybe I’m the hypocrite who faulted him for his needs while ignoring my own. Isn’t it human nature to seek companionship and comfort from another? A basic need that inevitably draws us into the arms of someone we find compatible, even if it’s temporary, until that need is met. I don’t want this to be temporary, and I don’t think Heath does either, but wants are fickle things too. Wants and needs. They swirl around in my head like dirty dishwater after you’ve pulled the plug. My thoughts are just as murky. Maybe I’m not ready for this. Since the moment David left me, I’ve been untethered, my future ripped away so cruelly by the one person I thought I would have my forever with. I floated aimlessly until I ended up here. There were no relationships along the way, no meaningless hook-ups either. So, there was no reason for self-examination, until now. Maybe I’m making too much of this thing with Heath and should rather just live in the moment, enjoying it for what it is rather than trying to define it. One can’t avoid heartbreak forever, after all. Every relationship has a beginning and an end, some just end sooner than others, or on better terms.

“Do you still love him?” His question pulls me from my rambling thoughts. I was expecting it, even though I can see it’s the last thing Heath wanted to say, and I admire him more for saying it.

“No, not in the way you think. He was my first … everything, but it broke me a little that he could throw what we had away so easily just because he didn’t want to be a burden on me. I never saw him that way, but then again not much time had passed between the accident and him leaving, so who knows? We were both young and people change. Maybe I would have grown to resent him, but he never gave us the chance to figure it out.” Heath stares at me for a moment as if dissecting my words.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you would ever see anyone as a burden, especially someone who’s been hurt or needs you. You care too much. I also want you to know it’s okay if you still care about him. I don’t want to replace him; I just want to be with you in whatever capacity you’ll have me.” Instead of answering, I crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck, placing my head on his shoulder and breathing him in.

Chapter 7

~ Heath ~

For the rest of the morning, we both try to get back to that playful mood fueled by chocolate and tickles, sexy smiles and lingering touches … but it’s different now. I have a deeper understanding of where Liv is coming from, and that understanding comes with the somber knowledge that her life before us was filled with heartbreak and disappointment. My initial search into her background alluded to some of this, but there was so much more I didn’t know about. She seems more settled now though, with work she enjoys and friends she can count on, but I want to make it better for her, and while I can’t do anything about her past, I can do plenty to make her future something to look forward to.

I try to come up with something we can do that requires us to remain clothed, because keeping her naked under me for an entire day is far too tempting but does little to reassure her that I’m going to remain true to my word. The fact that she doesn’t own a TV eliminates the obvious choices of a movie or binge-watching a series.

“Why don’t you own a TV?” She considers this for a moment, as if it never occurred to her to have one.

“I actually prefer reading, and if there is something I want to watch I use my laptop. A TV would have been hard to lug around while I was travelling and it’s one less thing to get stolen, so there’s that.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal that she could fit everything she owns into her car, so I pull her back onto my lap and hold her tightly in my arms with my face in her neck. It might be my new favorite thing to do, maybe because she did it first, but moved back to her side of the sofa once we started fooling around again. “What are you doing?” she whispers but doesn’t pull away and there’s a slight giggle in her voice.

“Nothing, just want to hold you for a minute. Do you mind?” She circles her arms around my neck and then tightens her hold. I take that as consent, and we just sit like that for a few minutes while I try to sort through all the thoughts and urges coursing through me.

I want to protect her, keep her safe and above all else, make her happy. I know she’s not into material things, but I want to give her everything she could ever want or need. In the back of my mind a voice whispers that I need to give her a reason to stay here, because while she fears being left behind, it hasn’t escaped my notice that she could easily up and leave at any time too. I hate that thought.

The answer to what we should do for the rest of the day comes in the form of a text from Mike.

MJ: Kate’s making chili. 6PM. Bring Liv and beer

It’s the perfect solution. Liv will get to spend time with my friends, whom she’s already met, so she won’t be uncomfortable. It will be a relaxed atmosphere and a major bonus, she’ll get to meet Kate, Mike’s wife, who’s awesome. I run the idea by Liv, who seems hesitant to accept at first, but then promptly boots me out of her apartment because she has to prepare. As much as I try to explain that it’s just a casual dinner, she insists, mumbling something about manners and arriving empty handed and the next thing I know, I’m standing outside her apartment, which is probably for the best seeing as I need to shower, change, and pick up the beer. When she opens her door to me a couple of hours later, she’s dressed in a bohemian-style skirt with a cute sweater, a style she seems to favor and which looks great on her, and her hair is hanging in soft curls down her back, but it’s the smell wafting out from her small kitchen that has my mouth watering in an instant. Chocolate.

“Oh shit, woman. What did you do?” A confused look crosses her face as she steps back to allow me room to step inside.

“Uh, I baked some brownies to take for dessert. Why?” I turn slowly and take her in for a moment.

“God, can you be any more perfect? I can’t believe you baked for me.”

“Well, it’s not just for you. A dozen is enough, right?” I can’t stop the smile spreading across my face, not that I’d want to, and she responds with a smile equally wide and dazzling.

“I’m thinking it will never be enough.” Of course, I’m not referring to the brownies, because her caring to do this for my friends means more than she’ll ever know, more than I can express, so instead I take her in my arms and kiss her. It starts out tender and as gentle as I can manage while overwhelmed with wonder at the woman in my arms, but soon I have one hand fisted in her hair while the other is wrapped tightly around her waist and I’m devouring her mouth like the world’s sweetest brownie. It’s Liv who pulls away first, her eyes shining with lust, cheeks flushed and lips tender from my feasting. So incredibly beautiful, it makes my heart beat to a strange new rhythm.

Possessive, protective, mine, mine, mine.

“We should probably get going. I don’t want to be late.” So damn sweet.

“Baby, it’s a casual dinner. Just friends hanging out. You’ve got to relax and just enjoy it.”

“That’s easy for you to say, they’re your friends. I’m just the girl who’s … I don’t even know what you told them.” This seems to bother her, so I tighten my arms around her again.

“Liv, I told you before I’m not playing games here. That’s not my style. And the fact that I’m taking you to this dinner should tell you that we are together now. I’m not big on labels either, but there is one I take seriously and that’s exclusive. My friends know that about me and now you do too. If there is any other reassurance you need from me, all you have to do is ask, okay? But I really hope you don’t need to, otherwise I’ve obviously not been clear enough.” She gives me a quick nod, her eyes slightly wider than they were a moment ago. “Okay then, let’s go so we’re not late.” I wink to let her know I’m teasing her, and once we’ve grabbed the brownies and a gallon of ice-cream, we head over to Mike’s.

Turns out, we are the last to arrive which immediately puts Liv on edge again. This becomes clear when we get out of my truck outside Mike’s house where three other vehicles are already parked and Liv refuses to let go of the door handle so that we can walk up to the porch. I lay my hand over hers and pry her fingers free.

“Come on baby, you’ll have fun. I promise. And nobody cares if we’re the last to arrive.” She holds on for another beat, her eyes searching mine, and then relinquishes her grip, taking my hand instead. I don’t mind one little bit, and together we walk up to the front door, which is promptly thrown open by Riley standing in the doorway.

“Hey, look who it is! Liv, it’s good to see you, girl.” He scoops her up into a bearhug and practically swings her into the house, but she’s laughing, so I try to get a grip on the sudden urge to wipe my best friend off the face of the earth. Once she has her feet back on the ground, he glances at me and then smirks his cocky smirk indicating that he knows exactly what I was thinking. Turning his attention back to Liv, he calls out, “Come and meet the women folk,” and sets off towards the noise coming from the kitchen. She pauses, holding out her hand to me, and my heart picks up that strange rhythm again as we move to follow him.

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