Page 17 of Liv Parrish

“You could have called me to come and help you instead of struggling on your own. Or I could have gone with you so you wouldn’t have been alone. Or I could have taken the kid home and you wouldn’t have been there at all. Fuck!” His voice is raised almost to shouting volume and he looks furious, and it’s starting to make me a little nervous. Without thinking I squeeze further into the sofa, pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them. Of course, he notices, and immediately his expression softens from anger to concern. Slowly, he drops to his knees in front of me, placing his hands on his thighs, careful not to touch me. “Liv, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I would never do anything to hurt you, please believe me?” His face is earnest and sincere, his eyes filled with regret, and it looks like he wants to reach for me but isn’t sure whether he should.

“I know.” I don’t say anything more, because the truth is I don’t know. I thought I knew, but the change in him was so sudden, so unexpected, it left me feeling the urgent need to hide, to push him away and lock myself in this apartment where I can control who comes and goes. “It’s getting kind of late. You should probably go.” This doesn’t seem to surprise him. He just sighs out a breath, resigned to the fact that this night is not going to end the way either one of us expected, and rises to his feet.

“Are you going to be okay? Should I call someone?”

“No, I’m fine. Seriously, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m just going to go to bed now.” I stand up from the sofa and start moving towards the door. He hesitates for a moment before following me.

“Goodnight, Liv. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Sure, goodnight.” And with that he walks out the door, and I’m left feeling … I don’t know. Nostalgic perhaps, for something that was within my grasp but somehow slipped away in a moment of unguarded emotion.

I take a few minutes to tidy the kitchen before washing my face, brushing my teeth and putting on my pjs. I’m just getting settled in bed when my phone lights up with a text message.

Riley: Heath told me what happened. Are you okay?

Me: I’m fine, going to bed now. Goodnight

Riley: Liar! If you want to talk, I’m here

Me: Thanks

I don’t know what annoys me more, that Heath told Riley what happened, even if it was out of concern for me, or that Riley thinks he knows me so well. Of course, he’s not wrong. I’m nowhere near ready to fall asleep. My thoughts are a jumble of what ifs and what nows that my brain refuses point blank to deal with. I wasn’t really scared of Heath, was I? His was a momentary reaction to something he had no control over, something he feels he could have stopped if things had been different between us. And I might have just ruined any idea of us by pushing him away again. I can’t stand the thought, because I want us. I want to know what it’s like to be loved by a man like him. Someone strong and capable. Someone who doesn’t need me for anything other than my company and only wants my love in return. I know, I’m getting way ahead of myself with words of love, but didn’t he say he was serious about getting to know me at least? And I did enjoy our time together, despite the way it ended. I reach for my phone lying beside my bed and check the time to find it’s almost morning again. There’s also one unread message.

Heath: I want to see you again. Text me when you’re ready

When I’m ready. At least he’s not running for the hills after my hot then cold behavior, which is a good sign, I guess, but I don’t want to rush into anything. Maybe, if we take this slow, I can have a man to love too. Who knows?

Me: Working late for the next few days. Will let you know

That’s about as much as I can commit to at this moment, but hopefully it’s enough reassurance that I’m still here, willing to try, willing to take a chance on us.

§§§

“You’re unusually quiet this morning. What’s up?” Ren stares at me over her coffee cup as if she can eyeball the words out of me. I was hoping to avoid this conversation, but maybe her input will help. She knows more about matters of the heart than I do, and dating is her favorite past time. Besides that, and more importantly, she knows me and she’s the only person I can have this conversation with.

“Heath came over for dinner last night.”

“And?” There’s no hiding her excitement. She’s practically vibrating with expectation, turning in her seat so that she can stare at me more intently, her coffee forgotten. Great. Too bad she’s going to be disappointed.

“It was nice, I had a good time, until …” God, am I really doing this?

“Until what? Jeez, it’s like pulling teeth with you! Just tell me what happened?”

“He asked me about Nick. You met him in the hospital a while back. Only, it turns out he’s not who I thought he was, and Heath got so upset and then I got a little freaked out and– “

“Hold on a second, not so fast. What do you mean Nick’s not who you thought he was? And what the hell did Heath do? I swear, these guys and their badass vibes. They think they can come throw their weight around and intimidate the poor little woman. I’ll kick both their asses. You know I will. I can finally put that Krav Maga class to good use. Show them where they can put their–”

“Whoa, calm down Mighty Mouse. It’s not what you think. Nick is a good guy. He served with Heath in the Navy; they go way back. And I think Heath was more upset about how Nick and I met, what happened that night, and the timing of it all.” Her brow furrows.

“What’s wrong with the timing?”

“Nick and I met shortly after I found Heath in that alley. I think Heath thinks he could have stopped what almost happened the night I met Nick. I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense to me either.”

“But he scared you.” Not a question. I should have known she would see the truth. I don’t bother denying it.

“He did. As much as I try and tell myself I know he won’t hurt me physically, I couldn’t shake that doubt and, in the moment, all I could do was curl into a ball and try to hide, which is pretty stupid.”

“Hey, you’re not stupid. Don’t let me hear you talk about yourself that way. Does he know what happened that night you landed in the hospital?” Ren and Evan are the only ones who know the details of that night, besides Nick who witnessed some of it. I shake my head and then drop it to avoid making eye contact with her. I know what’s coming. “You need to tell him.” Yep, called it. “If you’re even considering a relationship with Heath, you can’t keep this stuff from him, Liv. That’s not fair. He needs to know why you reacted the way you did. I’m assuming you are considering a relationship with him?”

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