Page 77 of Pretty Stolen Dolls

“I’ll be back in the morning, yes I will, will, will.”

I wake to him on top of me. My limbs are free and I’m on my back, numb from the waist down to my knees. His heavy weight restricts my lungs from gaining air. Liquid drips onto my face and his tongue swipes it away.

“I’m so sorry,” he coos. “She did this to us. We’re not sick…you’re not sick. Tell me,” he urges, shaking my head with his giant palms grasping each side of my face.

“I know, Benjamin,” I repeat, just like he instructed me to.

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I know, Benjamin.”

I gasp, catching the sorrow trying to escape my soul. He hurt me so bad. Will I ever recover from this? The darkness steals me again and keeps me for days.

It took me forever to be able to move from that bed. I pissed it and every time I thought I was going to die from the agony, Benny would come into my cell and look at his work, telling me the bruising was a sign of healing. Then he would feed me water and it would send me back into the dreamless sleep. I give Benny one thing, he was so good at hurting me, making me bleed and bruise, swell and wish for death, but scarring me on the outside wasn’t something he did. He liked me flawless for his sick perversion.

“Jade, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Huh?”

“Where did you go, baby?” Dillon questions, pulling me into his arms. “You zoned out and couldn’t hear me calling for you.”

I gulp and swallow my fear. “He’s never going to stop. He wants me back there.” I break, my legs giving out. Dillon’s arms tighten around me and he holds me to him. Then he swoops me off my feet and carries me like a husband would his new bride.

But there is nothing happy about this moment.

Fucking nothing.

I’m dying inside.

THE RIDE BACK TO MYplace was silent. Since we arrived, he has undressed me, dutifully attempted to wash the horrors of the day from my body in the shower, and finally helped me climb into bed. Not a tear had fallen—no, I think I cried them all out already. The sting from the salty drops are still prominent on my cheeks, my eyes red and swollen from the fallen sorrow. The only thing I can feel now is anger.

White and blinding.

And it is building.

With each ragged and exhausted breath, molten fury rages hotter and hotter within me.

Dillon must be able to feel the heat. His fingers flutter over my warm naked flesh as if he’s trying to calm the war waging inside me. I keep imagining my parents lying on slabs of cold metal, being cut into by the coroner. My mind races with their image and the thoughts that must have passed through their heads when Benny came for them…because of me.

Dirty little doll.

Why did I run? If I just stayed there, Bo would be living his life happy with someone who could give him more than I ever could. My folks wouldn’t know what ever became of Macy and me, but they would still be alive. They wouldn’t have had to die knowing what kind of monster still has their baby.

“Don’t,” Dillon breathes over me. “Don’t blame yourself for any of this.”

He kisses me on my lips, my face, my collarbone, and it drowns out the regret. His touch only adds fire to the already burning flames inside me. I want revenge. I want retribution. I want Macy back. The burning desire to fuck away the pain becomes so intense, I feel as though I may combust.

“Baby…” he murmurs, his mouth connecting with mine. “Listen to me.” He’s practically lying on top of me, crushing me with his weight.

I want him to smash me to smithereens, make me numb—steal away this explosive energy growing inside me. I’m going to self-destruct if he doesn’t cling to me and ground me to him. Maybe if he crushes me to dust and consumes the ashes…

Maybe then I won’t hurt so much inside.

Perhaps then, I’ll feel empty.

His forehead presses against mine and his eyes look as though they are melted chocolate with the late afternoon sun peeking in through the window. “Baby…” he says again.

He probably wants to assure me everything will be okay.Nothing will ever be okay.He probably wants to tell me to sleep so I can dull the pain. The pain will always be a sharp reminder of the monster in my life.He’ll probably beg me to seek counseling to find a way to deal with what Benny has done to me.I’ll never find a way to deal until he’s gone for good.

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