Page 10 of Disgrace

I am in so much trouble.

I shake my head, and with agility and precision, he rolls me onto my back, sinking balls deep in one violent thrust. We both let out a groan filled with angst and ecstasy. He drives deep and deeper still with every pump of his hips, and I meet him stroke for stroke. Fire and lust course through my veins, my fingers grab and claw at his body. His shoulders are solid under my fingertips, and taut muscles flex and move with each undulation. His hands sweep every part of my body, light and searching, coveting. His whole body covers mine. His body leads and mine follows. We move together as one, in tune, in sync…in lov— “Arhhhhh” I scream when he pulls me tight, angles his hips and sucks hard on my neck. Overwhelmed, out of control and out of nowhere I come…hard. Tiny white stars streak my vision, I can’t breathe, and that sound I made is probably the last noise I will ever make. The power of speech has left me.

Relentless, and giving me only the briefest moment of respite, he pulls me up into his lap. We are almost nose to nose. He takes over and lifts my hips, making the necessary movement for me. I am incapable; only his strong arms are holding this limp body rigid. His lips cover mine, his mumbled words wash over me, but I can’t understand what he’s saying. I am floating somewhere near, held in his arms and just on the edge of heaven.

A deep groan leaves his throat, and I feel it rumble into my mouth as he continues to consume me with reverent kisses. He stops, and I swear time stands still. Our bodies are slick, our collective breath held. I can see the vein in his neck pulsing wildly, an indication that the only sound to be heard would be the synchronised beating of our hearts. Long seconds pass, and the silence is broken by a soft exhale. I watch as the corners of his lips turn up into the most amazing smile.

“Hey,” I say. He laughs and slides onto his side. I am still on his lap, albeit on our sides, and he is still buried inside me. He tugs the cover over our bodies and pulls me a little tighter against his chest, even if there really was no space at all to begin with. God, this feels good.

His hand traces my hairline, his finger gathering the stray hairs that are now stuck to my forehead. He carefully tucks them away and just stares at me. His soft brown eyes glow golden and shine bright. His dark brow and strong jaw are relaxed and those lips…smiling. “Hey.” He tucks my head under his chin and kisses my hair. I don’t think I have ever felt this cherished.

I get a sinking feeling all too soon because I know this isn’t real. This isn’t what he wants, and I am not going to ruin this and pretend that it is. I am not that naïve…not anymore. I hate that I am doing this, because what we have right now feels kind of perfect. But there is no point if we are not going to be honest. Whatever this is, it has no future if we can’t be honest.

“So Jason, now that you have that urge out of the way. When do we start?” I try to keep my tone light, but even I can hear the curt edge. His eyes narrow, and he purses his lips like he has some nasty taste in his mouth. I instantly feel bad and try to rectify my mistake. I soften my question. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like that but this”—I wiggle my finger between us because there is no distance at all due to the way he is still holding me—“this isn’t what you want is it?”

“Actually Sam, this is exactly what I want.” He tips my chin, closing my mouth because yet again he has rendered me speechless. “I want a relationship. Granted, we—and I mean both of us—it won’t ever be a conventional relationship, but I want this. I want your body; I want your time, and I want your submission. But there is no rush. We can sort all the details later. The important thing is you said yes.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “I got exactly what I wanted for Christmas. I got you.” He holds my stunned gaze with utter sincerity.

“I…I don’t know what to say.” I manage and he barks out a laugh.

“Did you get what you wanted?” he teases, and I can feel him swell inside me. I sigh.

“Hmm, well, I don’t remember asking Santa for several mind-blowing orgasms, but then he is magical, so maybe he just knew,” I mock.

“Several you say…I only counted two. But the night is young, and I do have another present I wanted to give you.” He flings the covers back and leaps from the bed, his semihard erection bobbing under its own weight, tempting me. I crawl over to the edge and stretch my hand out to try and grab me some.

He steps away. “Nah-ah, naughty girls have to wait for their treats.” He bites his bottom lip, and his eyes drag salaciously over my nakedness. I am pretty sure I could tempt him back, but he obviously has plans.

“You going somewhere?” I tuck the loose sheet around me and watch him step into his clothes.

“Weare going to the club.” He wiggles his brow, his face alight with mischief and wickedness. I roll my eyes.

“This is you not rushing. I’d hate to see you in a hurry. You must be like Wylie Coyote on speed.” I shuffle to the end of the bed with a little sadness swirling in my tummy. It’s going to be hard to believe he wants more when the first thing we do is head for the club. But if I don’t trust him, I should just back out now and I don’t want to, not really. I have reservations, huge reservations, but trust isn’t one of them.

“We don’t have to go. But I thought as it is closed to the public…”

“No, no, it’s perfect. The sooner the better. The anticipation is killing me.” I stand with the sheet wrapped like a toga, loose and dipping low. He steps up to me and lifts me into his arms. There is safety in these arms; I feel it in my bones.

“I want this more than you know, but we really don’t have to start today.” The concern etched on his handsome face combined with his tender words is my undoing.

“I want to.” I don’t need to tell him twice. I wouldn’t get the chance. His lips consume me, his embrace surrounds but in-spite of his secure hold, I fall.

I have been silent since Jason pulled his car into the reserved parking space at the rear of the club. I know the club is closed, but I also know why we’re here. Besides, Jason is one of the owners, so hours of business don’t really apply to him. Honestly, my heart hasn’t really recovered a normal beat pattern since we finished in my bedroom a short time ago, but I try to take some calming breaths nonetheless. I take enormous comfort from Jason’s protective arm around my waist and then his tender hold of my hand as he leads me through the back office. He leaves me for a moment—to get a key, I presume—then he leads me along the corridor and stops just outside one of the private rooms. The only sound is the blood rushing with the fierce pumping of my heart, but I doubt he can hear that. He swings the door wide open and motions for me to step inside. The lion’s den, where, up until this moment, I have always been the lion tamer: strong, in control and with wicked whipping skills. Not for the first time since agreeing I question my sanity.

Jason makes me crazy, causes me do crazy things at the very least. Why on earth would I relinquish control like this? But Jason steps up behind me, and all I feel is burning heat and desire for him, to please him. He wraps his strong arms around my waist, holding me tight against his frame; his embrace is so secure it steals my breath. My body is alive with tiny electrical currents dancing over my skin. I tingle from head to toe with longing, lust, and a need so raw I am helpless to do anything but listen to it. Listen to my body and trust that Jason is the right man to relinquish everything I hold dear.

His soft lips caress my neck, and I move to give him all the access possible. He takes his time breathing me in, peppering my skin with a million light kisses, down my neck, along my collarbone and settling on my desperate lips. Gentle and reverent attention morphs into urgent and needy, and an uncontrolled moan escapes the back of my throat. My twitchy fingers ache to hold him. His hands are intertwined with mine, and he is holding them firmly at my side. His deep chuckle and smile against my lips is evidence enough that he knows exactly the effect he has on me. He pulls back and drops all contact, smiling wider at the instant result of his absence and my involuntary deflated posture.

“Hold out your hand.” His deep tone drops a little lower, I recognise the authority in the timbre of his voice. I get a flash of a thousand prickles on my skin. The sensual lighting reflects the glow of instant perspiration. I am surprised with my own innate response to his unmistakable switch from affable to dominant, a testament to his natural commanding aura. The ease with which he wears his cloak of Dominance is unmistakable, and I find I am intoxicated. I immediately offer my hand in supplication. His eyes shine dark and crinkle with pleasure. He reaches into his back pocket and slowly releases a long strand of diamonds; they must be almost a metre long. I struggle to swallow the thick, dry lump in my throat. The cool weight sparkles in my palm. I know from the clarity of the crystal shine, that these are the real deal.

“I want you to wear this,” Jason states without inflection, “and nothing else.” He pauses but remains impassive despite my sudden sharp intake of breath. I am a little stunned and hesitate a moment too long and in a much sterner tone he adds. “Strip…now.”

I jump a little but check myself. I am by no stretch a newbie here, yet you wouldn’t know it today, since I’m very much acting like one. I straighten my shoulders and step back. I tug at my sweater pulling it over my head, one hand clasped tightly around the diamonds.

Jason turns his back and takes a seat in the winged back chair in the corner of the room, shadowed slightly in the darkened room but no doubt with an unobstructed view of me. I kick off my shoes and pull my leggings down my legs. My confidence in undressing is completely at odds with my riotous nerves, which are alive with anxiety. My legs start to judder when I rest on each one in turn to remove my panties, shaking uncontrollably. I quickly slam each foot flat to stop the visual verification of my uncertainty. I unclip my bra and stand for a moment staring at the darkness in the corner, only Jason’s suede walking boots visible.

I let the chain drop to its full length and put my head through the large loop. The diamonds glint and sparkle even in the dimly lit room. The chain falls over the curve of my breast, my light coffee-coloured skin a stark contrast to the pure crystal shards of light reflecting across the room. The necklace hangs low and skims just below my belly button. It is cold on my skin, but that isn’t the reason my nipples are hardened peaks or why my breathing is now shallow, rapid pants. Jason makes an exaggerated, disgruntled sounding cough, an ‘ahem’ noise. I pull my brows together for a moment of thought. What could I have done to cause his displeasure? It takes effort to think this way. I am not used to putting myself on the other end of the whip…so to speak. I shake my head and sniff at my own ‘special’ moment. I drop to my knees. I lower my head and place my hands on my thighs palms up, my knees spread but not wide, first position.

We haven’t discussed boundaries or limits, and I am really not prepared to give up too much too soon, not when we have yet to start our proper negotiation.

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