Page 67 of Disgrace

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart.” She shakes her head and bites her lip tight.

“I know. This isn’t you, Lolli, but it might help if I know how long?” My voice sounds desperate to my own ears. My anxiety spikes at the unknown and skyrockets with the known.

“All night.” I jolt as she switches the wand to full. I was wrong. Knowing didn’t help at all.

I want to die but not as much as I want to come. Every muscle in my body is utterly exhausted from perpetual spasming, teetering on the edge as I have been for that last decade. I know it hasn’t been that long but god its feels longer. Richard was right about one thing I do want to beg, I do want to fuck, it hurts my heart to think that at this moment I would probably beghimto fuck me I need release that badly. Twelve hours I have been strapped to this device, I haven’t slept, I’ve tried to move, to dislodge it but the one time I did, Lolli appeared and fixed it tighter to my core. She motioned to the corner of the room where a smooth black sphere is positioned to the wall. A camera, no doubt recording my torture but certainly alerting anyone who’s watching that I have managed to secure myself a moment of respite. Lolli returned at first light but just to offer me some water.

I think it is the same day but I am a little delirious. Richard enters the room with Lolli on his heels. She drops to her knees at the end of the bed and he glares down at my wracked body. Twisted, tense and covered in a slick sheen of perspiration. I bite my lips tight to keep from howling. I am so desperate for release. He flicks the wand off and I sag, my legs still shaking uncontrollably.

“Something you want, Sweetheart?” He croons.

I groan out with a heavy exhale. “Oh God, yes.” His grin crawls across his face. “I could use a good fuck right about now.”

“See I told you, you would be begging me before the week was through.” He laughs out.

“I saidgoodfuck, Dick…If I wanted a lousy fuck you would be my go-to guy…ahhh!!” He switches the device back on and with his clenched fist he pushes it hard against my raw clit. Oh God, that’s unbearable… Tears spring to my eyes but I quickly close my lids to prevent them showing. He storms out of the room with Lolli, his silent shadow.

If one thing comes from this it’s that I will never use orgasm denial as a form of torture again, or a wand, or restraints. In fact I think I will go cold turkey and come out the other side as vanilla as Mary Fucking Poppins. My wrists are raw from trying to manoeuvre away from the source of pain. I know I have cut the skin on my ankles as well as my wrists, and my poor clitoris is so swollen it’s probably the size of a tennis ball not the cute little peanut it was before this marathon stimulation nightmare. I start to let out tiny panting breaths, it seems to help to focus on something else and it doesn’t hurt my chest so much as a deep breath would. I count in blocks of ten and repeat. Similar to the breathing exercises I use in yoga, desperately trying to focus on my breathing not the excruciating agony going on between my legs.

I don’t fall asleep, I can’t, but I do zone out into some sort of delirious trance. So when Lolli appears beside me I jump. She is hold a glass up but is standing at the end of the bed with her back to the camera.

“Keep your legs tense and I’ll turn it off, pretend it’s still going okay? Pretend you are still in agony.”

“That is not going to be hard.” I gasp. She flicks the switch off and I sag but instantly tense again when her face flashes with worry.

“Good just like that and they won’t know.” She winks.

“They?”

“Oh, if Master isn’t watching Frank will be. Someone is always watching, always recording,” she warns. I tip my head as she hold the glass to my lips. My whole body trembles and not because I am trying to maintain a façade. My nerves are raw and have a mind of their own. God, what I wouldn’t give for a little light manual relief.

“Would you like me to help? I can’t uncuff you. I don’t have the key but I could stand at the end and you know…help.” Her cheeks flush with embarrassment and I feel mine heat too at her reference.

My eyes water with such sadness. The fact that this child knows what agony I am suffering breaks my fucking heart.

“No darling, that’s quite all right. I’ll manage, what’s a little frustration between friends.” My laugh is flat but it’s the sentiment that counts. Lolli smiles.

“We’re friends?” Her face lights up with innocent joy.

“Sure we are.” I swallow a little easier now I have had some water but the lump is there for a whole different reason.

“But it’s not a little is it…It’s not a little frustrating, I mean?” Her gaze drops to the apex of my legs but quickly averts her eyes.

“No, it’s not but Iwillmanage. Some more water would be good please.” She nods her head and rushes to refill the glass. She bounces on to the bed, and I wince. A small cry escapes the back of my throat, and she looks mortified.

“Oh God, Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” She runs her finger along the edge of my hairline. The hair is slick to my forehead but her soft touch feels nice.

“It’s fine…really. Lolli.” My voice is a whisper but as serious as I can muster. “I will get you out of here…I promise.” I want to wrap my arms around her and use my body as a shield. She looks so young, too damn young to have lived the life she has. She flashes me a tentative smile, looking rapidly over her shoulder and then back.

“I’d like that.” She screams out and throws herself on the floor as the door crashes wide. Lolli drops the glass of water, which hits my head and covers me with the remaining water.

“You stupid, fucking bitch! You let her have your phone and now I have the US Coast Guard all up my arse just hovering on the international border and placing a no fly zone so none of my clients can land,” he snarls and walks over to a cowering Lolli. He picks her right off the ground by her high ponytails. She squeals with shock and tries to grab his hands to support her weight. Her legs dangle as he swings her like a rag doll, walking to the side of the bed.

“Let her go, you piece of shit. Pick on someone your own age, you fucking monster!” I cry out, struggling against my cuffs and causing a fresh river of blood to flow.

“Oh, I will.” He regards me coolly, a sadistic smile distorts his face. “I have to deal withthisfirst.” He shakes his hand, and Lolli screams.

“Leave her alone, Richard, please…I sent the code. It’s me you should be angry with. It’s me that’s ruined your plans.” Even as I beg for mercy, my heart races with the knowledge that Jason is here. That this nightmare is nearly over.

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