Page 7 of Disgrace

“I’ve got nothing. I was planning to spend the morning at the Mission, Skype the family in the afternoon and then watch all the versions ofA Christmas Carolon Netflix…Hardly earth shattering, heart stealing activities.” I take a large gulp and wince at the hit of alcohol. I let out a heavy sigh.

“Is that your plan? You want to steal her heart?” His voice is level, and his face is again implacable. I’d hate him for that if I didn’t consider him one of my best friends.

“She may have kicked me to the curb after the wedding, even when I knew there was something more. I felt it, and she sure as shit did, too. Maybe that’s why she ended it before…I don’t know. Whatever the reason, she shut me down. I’ve given her time, but it’s enough now. I know she still feels the same. You can cut the fucking sexual tension with a chainsaw when we’re in the same room and up until tonight we’ve never actually been alone. Tonight, I made my play. Had the whole Christmas miracle thing as my backdrop. She didn’t stand a chance. Anyway, it’s Christmas, and I promised to change her mind about us… if she’d give me one day.” His lips curl with a knowing smile, and I feel tension build at the bridge of my nose. “I know…I know…I may not have been thinking with my head…not entirely anyway…It’s Christmas Eve…everything is shut…I’m totally screwed.” I take another long draw of my drink.

“You do know what she does for a living?” His tone almost sounds like a warning. I fire my own judgmental scowl at him. “Look, I’m not saying that to be an arsehole. I just want you to go into this with your eyes wide open.” He shrugs lightly, and I relax because any hint of judgment was clearly on my end.

“I’m no fucking saint, Daniel. I own a sex club, and I didn’t buyanyclub, I bought the club where she works exclusively. So yes, I know what she does, and it doesn’t make the slightest difference to me.” I focus on the swirling liquid, a mix of gold and lightning bouncing off the cut crystal. I murmur more to myself. “There is something about her—”

“Does she know you’re the sole owner of the club? Does she know why you bought it I mean?” He interrupts my musing.

“She thinks I’m a part owner, and no…that might creep her out.” I have the decency to look a little sheepish. I definitely had my own selfish reasons for buying the club. For one, I could be there on a regular basis without looking like a manwhore. But, more importantly, as the owner, I was able to censor the membership list and, subsequently, Sam’s pool of potential clients. I also told myself at the time I just wanted to be close in case she needed my help. It took no time at all to realise that Selina could more than take care of herself, and I was kidding myself that she was any type of damsel in distress.

“You want my advice? Be honest the first chance you get. One thing I do remember about Sam is she doesn’t like lies. In fact, from memory, she thinks all men are liars so you, my friend, are not off to a stellar start.” He grins.

“Maybe not, but that makes two of us, and I am not technically lying” I sniff at the hypocrisy of my statement. “What else do you remember?” I pause, hoping my loaded question is heard loud and clear.

“Hmm.” His brows knit together with unease. “You put me in rather an awkward position, Jason.” He narrows his eyes, but I hold his stare.

“I know.” I raise my brow for him to continue. For him to answer my question.

“Only because you are pursuing this as a relationship I will answer as my conscience allows. I was asked to complete Sam’s training. Her mentor believed in order to give pain one must understand pain.” He repeats what Sam had told him earlier. “I didn’t fuck her. That wasn’t the point of the session.”

“What was the point? Or was it just about the pain?” I find myself leaning forward eager for the insight.

“It was about pleasure,” he replies without inflection.

“Did she enjoy it?” My jaw tenses at this, and I feel an angry heat burn in my chest. Stupid I know; it was a long time ago. Before I’d even moved to London, but the thought that someone else gave her pleasure through pain drives me a little crazy. That’s what I want…me and only me.

“You would have to ask her that. I don’t believe she was disappointed with the outcome…” He pauses, but my stomach is already churning with distaste. “Honestly, I don’t think pleasure is what she took from it. She has too many barriers for one session, but then, the purpose wasn’t to train a sub. The purpose was for her to understand her role as a Domme, and that was an unmitigated success.” He switches back to my more urgent concern, effectively halting any further questions I might have that he is clearly not going to answer. “If you ask me you have solved your own problem. Take her with you tomorrow…be withher.Be with Sam not Selina. You want to be with her. She is never going to believe that if all your interactions are at the club. Show her you understand the difference.” He knocks back the remaining whiskey and places the glass on my desk. His words sink in with the same warmth the liquor is causing in my bloodstream. He is right. That’s perfect. I leave my glass with the remaining finger of whiskey untouched.

“When did you get so smart about women?” I stand and grab my jacket from the back of my chair.

“Since I married an exceptional one.” His retort is deadpan, like I have asked the most ridiculous question.

“Too bad it hasn’t rubbed off on you then…coming to work at eleven thirty on Christmas Eve—” I quip and switch the lights off as we both leave my office.

“I dropped Bethany at Sofia’s family for midnight mass. I may have left her gift in my office safe.” He smiles and holds his hand out.

“Fuck! That is a first. Good to see you’re just as fallible as the rest of us mortals.” I laugh and shake his hand before I turn to leave. “Merry Christmas. Send my love to Bethany,” I call to his retreating back.

“Good luck tomorrow, Jason…you’re going to need it!” I almost miss the last part as the lift arrives with a loud ping, but I heard it…loud and clear.

I arrive just before seven in the morning, and Sam instantly buzzes me up. I don’t generally get overly excited. I keep control of all things including my emotions but I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge the anticipation I feel is causing a nice little buzz. I can’t believe I didn’t see the solution sooner. I think it was a case of forest for the trees, but once Daniel pointed it out, everything just fell into place, and I am more than happy to take it from here. She doesn’t stand a chance. My lips carve a wicked smile just as she opens her front door.

She dressed in a loose fitted cashmere, long, scooped neck sweater with long sleeves. The sweater rests just mid-thigh. Her skinny leatherette leggings hug her curves and leave little to the imagination. She is holding a black leather jacket and is standing almost eye level with me in black ankle boots with killer heels. She is tall, five foot ten maybe, but she still has to lift her chin to meet my eyes. She looks a little flustered, her chest rises with little rapid breaths, and she has a flush to her flawless cheeks that just makes my balls ache. Her hair is long and loose, and falls in soft waves around her face. Her eyes are so dark they look almost black but are soft too, and are framed with the longest lashes I have ever seen. She doesn’t have a scrap of makeup on, and she is flawless.

“Fuck, you are beautiful!” She looks a little shocked at my words or maybe the ferocity with which I delivered them but gives me a tentative smile all the same. Daniel said to be honest. I may as well start as I mean to go on. She steps forward but I carefully guide her back into her hallway. “But you may have to reconsider the foot wear.” I can’t believe I am saying that. Those heels look amazing, my cock twitches at the thought of her legs spread wide wearing nothing but those very boots. Nevertheless, they are wholly wrong for this morning.

“One doesn’treconsiderLouboutins, Jason,” she quips. “Unless you are planning to take me on a hike around the streets of London?” She lightly laughs at what she believes to be a rhetorical question.

“That’s exactly what I have planned.” My tone is as serious as my expression.

“You’re kidding.” Her laugh is a bit incredulous but falls flat when I remain silent with only an impatient rise of my brow. “Um…okay.” She steps back into her flat. “Come in while I find something suitable.” I smirk at her confusion and follow her inside. My large frame fills her small entrance corridor. Looking flustered, she quickly disappears into what I assume is her bedroom. I get a tingle of satisfaction that I have evoked this reaction when she is always so collected. I move closer to her door, which she left slightly ajar. I can hear her swipe through hanging clothes in her wardrobe letting out an exaggerated breath as she does. She sighs and there is the sound of her slumping to the floor.

“Problem?” I lean on the frame, and the door drags on the carpet when I push it wide open. I casually cross my arms. She looks my way. Her eyes crawl up my body at a glacial pace, greedily taking in every inch of my body, hovering at my thighs, crotch, torso, biceps, and back to my crotch. She quickly flicks her gaze up to my eyes with a shake of her head. I try to contain my shit-eating grin.

“Hmm?” I’ve distracted her, and I get that warm buzz again.

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