Page 4 of Disgrace

“Try harder. You’re living here now, and I don’t need—”

“Actually, from what I can see, that is exactly what you need…unless you are really trying to give Mary Berry a run for her money?” He takes another two pancakes. I turn the heat off and start to tidy away. “Come on Sam talk to me, baby girl. I won’t leave until you do. Then I’ll miss my flight. Then my mum will be mad at you because I will blame you, and she is mean when she’s mad.”

“Your mum doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, Leon. It’s why you are the way you are…adorable.” I scruff his shaggy hair, but he growls and straightens out of my reach.

“So what’s your excuse?”

I know he’s joking but it still stings. I hate that I didn’t just appear from thin air, anything would be preferable than a connection to a woman more concerned with social status and reputation than whether her daughter lived or died.

“Skipped a generation. You should’ve met my grandfather.” I smile softly and he takes a moment to pull me into a hug. Tight, secure and filled with love. He kisses my head and whispers.

“Yeah, I would’ve liked that.” Leon lifts me back onto the stool. “So?” His head tips to the mountain of carbohydrates I have diligently crafted into little Danish treats. Enough to feed an army.

“Jason.” I exhale, and he waits for me to continue. “I had a cryptic and very personal message on my voicemail this morning. It’s kind of shaken me up a bit. I mean, I know I see him around the club. It’s not like I’ve avoided him since the wedding. I really couldn’t, but he hasn’t tried to make contact in over a year. Why would he pick now?” I nibble distractedly at the tip of my fingernail. Not really biting, they are acrylic, and I would probably lose a tooth before the nail gave way.

“Ah, well that might have something to do with me.” His finger starts to draw nervous patterns in the sugar that is covering the marble top.

“Leon…what did you do?” I try to keep my voice level but I can feel my heart begin to race.

“Nothing…nothing bad.” He briskly rubs his hands clean and rubs them on his pants. He then places them on my thighs and leans forward with his most sincere expression. His dark, dark eyes crinkle with concern and warmth. “I sawyourJason—” I scoff an interruption, but he’s not put off and repeats, “I sawyourJason last night at a party. We got to chatting. He’s actually a really nice guy…anyway I may have let it slip that I am not…in fact…your boyfriend.” My bones cease to function and I collapse into myself letting out a frustrated groan.

“Oh, gahhhhhhd.” I start to rub the instant pressure in my brow. Flour falls from my fingertips down my face, settling on my lips, under my nose, and I sneeze, sending a plume of flour from the kitchen surface into a billowing cloud that completely hides a very sorry looking Leon. Good, he should be sorry. He has just made my life so much more complicated. The powder settles, and I change my mind. He doesn’t look sorry at all, he looks self-satisfied and smug. I could kill him right now. I have the tools, but he smiles and shrugs and I remind myself once more that he saved me.

With Leon out of town until the New Year, Christmas Eve is eerily quiet, too quiet. As much I would like to continue to ignore Jason—actually a huge part of me wants to hide completely—I won’t. That is not my style. I don’t hide. I meet head-on.

I pull the belt at my waist tight enough to pinch in an attempt to block the icy wind from reaching my scantily clad body. The thick cashmere full-length coat is doing an admirable job against the subzero Christmas weather. Even so, the short distance from the cab to the club door is enough to have my teeth clicking together, the sound drowned only by my heels on the steps to the basement destination. I swipe my card and wait. The new owners installed state of the art security. The front door won’t open unless they know exactly who is outside. Not just a visual through a peep hole, but name, date of birth, blood type, and most importantly, bank details. Despite this intrusive level of information exchange, members hand it over without question. This istheexclusive club in London for thescene,with a wait list so long, if you don’t have a personal recommendation would-be members would probably die by the time a space opened up.

The door opens and a giant beast of a man steps aside to let me in. He is the most intimating man I know. I offer my brightest smile even though I know Gus’ stony façade will not crack.

“Hey Gus,” I give my body an exaggerated shudder to try and get some heat into my bones. I check my coat and am acutely aware of the loss of its protective warmth. I rub my hands vigorously up and down my bare arms. The chill of the evening clings to the sexy slick PVC halter neck cat suit, but it will quickly warm once I get inside.

“Hey.” Gus’s gruff response makes the corners of my mouth curl with pleasure. He is a fierce looking mountain of a man, and I don’t doubt he rattles a few of the most hardened alphas who strut in here, but he is just a big bear, especially to me. I lean up even in my heels and my natural height to plant a colourful kiss on his cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Gus.” I wait with my hands on my hips, one dipped, and narrow my eyes. Gus looks over my shoulder. There is just me and him, and no one is going to call him out for cracking a bit of Christmas cheer.

“Merry Christmas, darling.” His deep voice rumbles with an echo through the empty corridor.

“Is it busy?” I tip my head toward the heavy, rich, red velvet curtain separating the entrance door from the stage. Every time I step through that curtain, I am here to perform, I have my costume, I have my act, and the main reception room of the club I like to refer to as my stage.

“Not exactly.” Gus replies.

“How come you’re working tonight?” I’m curious because, although they always have someone on the door, Gus is a senior someone, and this is Christmas, after all.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He raises a teasing brow.

“Oh, no rest for the wicked, Gus. You know that.” I wiggle my brows. He grunts out a deep laugh and rolls his eyes.

“You’re not as wicked as you pretend to be, darling, and I’m not wicked at all. Working tonight means I get until New Year to spend with the family.” He puffs out his chest with unabashed pride. Gus has a large brood, six children, and has been happily married to his childhood sweetheart for twenty-three years. He is the poster boy for getting it right.

“Oh, wow, that is great…I mean I’ll miss you and all…” I give a playful wink.

“Yeah, yeah, go on now…time is money,” he quips.

“Ain’t that the truth.” Although in my case, I think my issue has more to do with idle hands. I have been smart with my money. The necklace I got on my eighteenth birthday pretty much secured my future, if not the husband, as my mother had hoped. After my rocky start, and with some guidance from Leon, I found a job I love and I am extremely good at. I rarely have to spend my own money, so I save. My nest egg is such that I really don’t have to work, but I hate having down time. I despise having time to think…time to remember. I turn and slip through the gap in the curtain.Show time.

I can’t help the shocked laugh that escapes my mouth when I freeze just inside the entrance. It’s like a surprise party, and someone forgot to send out the invitations. The opulently decorated room has been transformed into Santa’s sinful grotto, with a thousand sparkly handcuffs, extra-large diamante nipple clamps and tinsel covered cat o’ nine tail whips hanging from the ceiling and light fittings. With the subdued lighting and featured spotlights, the whole room sparkles magically but it is empty, well almost empty. The striking distinctive outline of the not so silent partner sits at the bar nursing a glass of his favourite single malt.

I draw in a deep breath and make my way to take the seat beside him. It’s not like I haven’t seen him, spoken to him, tried desperately hard to ignore the spark of feeling I get whenever our paths have crossed these past sixteen months. I have. I have tried and failed. I confess I panicked when I started to feel my control slip because, despite my visit home, I am drawn to him. So like a coward that is most unbecoming of a Domme, let alone a notorious one such as Mistress Selina, I called in one massive favour. Leon became my boyfriend. The ultimate barrier and cock blockerextraordinaire. It would appear that favour expired last night and now it is time for me to face the music, pay the piper and swallow what Jason chooses to shove down my throat. He is a Dom and he is not a fan of liars.

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