Page 43 of Disgrace

“Oh, oh, fuck, Jason…No…no, I can’t.” I purse my lips and suck gently on her clit. I know she must be a little oversensitive by now, but I also know it won’t stop her from coming on my lips like I want. “Oh, Jesus, ahhhh!” She stops making actual noises and forms cute, muffled whimpers as I lick and stroke her back down from her climax. I stand and watch with amusement as she sways, glassy eyed and smiling. I sweep her into my arms and carry her to the bed. She stares up at me with a smile so heart-stealingly beautiful, I can’t help but return it.

I roll her onto her back.

“Don’t move.” Her eyelids are at half-mast as she offers me a satisfied sigh and nods her head. I leap from the bed with two things pressing on my mind; get clean and get back inside. I return from the bathroom having sorted the former and stalk up the bed and between her legs to make good on the latter. She spreads wide for me with minimal pressure and I slip into her heat. As I start to move, her legs hook around my back and the heel points dig into my arse and make me that little bit harder. Fuck, I need to come. She tilts her hips and pulls me tighter, deeper, we both groan. I support my weight and look down into her eyes. They swirl with depths I can only hope she’ll let me explore. I’m under no illusion that winning her heart will be as easy as winning her body, but I can only pray it’s a fraction of the fun.

“Who do you belong to?” I whisper against her soft lips. Her tongue flicks out and traces the seam.

“You.” Her smile is tentative, but I can see it comes from her soul.

“I own you, Sam.” I cover her lips with mine only breaking when we both need air.

“Yes…yes, you do.” She sucks in deep, life affirming breath. Her eyes pool with tears, but her smile is so brilliant I get the feeling they are happy tears. Fuck, I hope they are happy tears. I surge forward, and she meets my powerful drive with equal passion. I feel the tingle explode at the base of my spine and an ache that’s so intense, the pleasure pain line blurs. I thrust relentlessly, chasing my release. One, two, each thrust pushing me closer…so close. She screams as her body takes over, sending us both spiralling and ascending high out of this world and into a blissful state of utter euphoria that lasts an eternity. In her arms, it feels like eternity.

She shivers. We have been lying naked for several hours. It seems as if the sun has slowly risen. I pull the covers over our joined bodies and kiss her hair, her forehead, and her nose. She smiles, sleep creeping across her tired face, sedating her features one by one.

“Death by orgasms,” she sighs. “I thought you liked me?” She fails to fight off a yawn and giggles when it finishes.

“Sam, I love you.” She sleeps as my words drift and float waiting to settle more comfortably on her when she wakes.

Oh, ow! That first stretch of the morning shouldn’t hurt like this. My muscles scream in agony with the smallest movement. I feel sore in places I didn’t realise could ache and I’m burning up. I feel trapped and a sudden flash of panic engulfs me, only to dissipate like a cool breath in a warm room when I remember why I feel all these things.Jason. His heavy arm drapes my waist, my back to his front, his large frame cloaking me like a shield. The heat between us is searing but rapidly rising to inferno. I try to move, but he grumbles and pulls me tighter. His deep, steady breathing is evidence that he is still very much asleep, and despite my initial discomfort, I am still bone tired and very quickly sink back in to a blissful sleep.

When I wake again, I am alone. The bed is empty and the pillow next to mine has no dip to indicate I recently shared this space with anyone.Did I dream last night?It felt like a dream, unreal and heavenly. I have never felt the way he made me feel last night. The way he touched me, cherished me, and brought me to heights of pleasure that made me dizzy again and again. He told me he loved me. It had to be a dream. Why would he come after me? How would he even know where I’d gone? I let out a heavy sigh, but it felt so wonderful, it felt so real. I can feel the tickle of sadness behind my nose but shake it away and focus my mind on much more pleasant thoughts. I think about the dream, squeeze my eyes tight and attempt to rekindle the embers of the passion that, only a short time ago, lit my blood alive. I need to lose myself again before I have to bear the burden of the harsh reality of truth. No one is ever going to love a whore.

I shake the self-pity away and push my mind to remember. His eyes are staring at me, piercing right through to my soul and warming my heart. The force of feeling is like a shot of pure energy, and I can feel my pulse beat a strong staccato. It’s just a dream but it has such power, I sigh out a shaky breath. My fingers lightly trace down my chest, soft, teasing strokes across my nipples that are instantly hard. I know I am wet just from the thought of my dream, but I don’t want a quick release. I want to savour. My middle finger rests lightly just touching the soft skin around my clit.

“I could help with that…” His deep voice is hoarse, and he coughs to cover the catch at the end. My eyes snap open wide, and my legs slam shut trapping my hand. I grab the sheet to cover my wanton display. I shuffle up the bed, pulling my knees in tight, strangely nervous. He sits beside me and places an offering of delicious smelling pastries and, hopefully, coffee on a tray before me. His sheepish smile is adorable. He lifts the lid from the takeaway cup and hands me what looks like a cappuccino and smells like heaven. I hesitate.

“Unless you really would like me to help?” His grin is pure wickedness “You know you don’t need to ask twice. I just thought you would like some breakfast. Although it’s really nearer to lunchtime. Either way, I thought food would be good.” He is rushing his words, almost like he is nervous. Why the fuck would he be nervous?

“Food is good.” I take the cup and sip while he unpacks a paper-wrapped breakfast feast.

“I didn’t know what you liked. You probably have favourites. Leon said you come here often when you need to get away.” He holds my gaze then closes his eyes for a moment but too late for me to miss the sadness. God this is a mess. He waves his hand invitingly across the selection and I pick thesaccottino al cioccolato,which is my favourite. It is literally a pastry sack filled with chocolate. Jason takes a plaincornetto.

The silence is comfortable but brief when I take in what he’s wearing and snicker. He looks down and shrugs with a laugh. He is wearing Leon’s clothes, which are at least one size too small, and Leon likes fitted. The t-shirt Jason has on looks like it’s been shrunk to fit and highlights every curve of muscle on his torso. Not a bad look for muscle beach maybe or a float at gay pride in Amsterdam. His sweat pants are slightly better but are clinging to his calf muscles like they are allergic to his feet.

“You don’t have any clothes?”

“Only what I was wearing last night. I kind of left in a hurry.” I nod and fall silent, nibbling on the pastry and sipping my coffee. “Why did you run, Sam?” His voice is tentative, almost like he fears I will run again. I won’t.

“Why did you follow?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re my girlfriend.” He sounds incredulous, his tone pitched with genuine surprise.

“Jason, I don’t think this is a good idea. I’m not the girl you think I am.” I avoid his eyes and pick at the flaky pastry crumbs in my lap.

“Bullshit! “ His tone is gruff and stern. “You’re exactly the girl I think you are. I told you last night I love you, Sam. Nothing’s changed. We just have to talk when we have a problem like a normal relationship.” He reaches for my free hand and entwines his fingers, his thumbs softly stroking my wrist.

“But this isn’t a normal relationship,” I whisper.

“Really? And why is that?” I meet his eyes, which are so dark they look like inky black pools, the flecks of gold invisible.

“Because I’m—” His whole frame tenses, and he sits about a foot taller on the bed, intimidating and radiating instant anger.

“If you call yourself a whore just one more time, I’ll tan your arse so hard the neighbours will feel the burn. You’re not a whore, Sam, and from what Leon told me you never were.” He draws in a deep breath, and his body relaxes with the slow escape of air. “But that doesn’t matter. I wantyou.”

“Why? No, wait, I’ll answer that. You want me because you think you know me.” I keep my voice quiet, but I can feel my frustration and temper rise together. “You see me at work and think that’s who I am. I know you’ve seen more than that, I do. But ultimately you are attracted to the no-holds barred, sexually adventurous Selina part of me. I think we can both confidently say the crazy jealous part of Sam outweighs my alter ego by some considerable margin.” I tip my chin, but I can feel the pinch of pressure behind my eyes. I hate that I feel so desperate for this not to be true.

“Thanks for giving me so much credit, Sam.” Sarcasm and disdain drip from his words. “You must really think highly of me if you think I can’t see past your killer body and whip skills.” He throws his food down but takes a deep, steadying breath. “I fucked up yesterday but please don’t assume I can’t acknowledge how I really feel about you. This may be new territory for me but that doesn’t make it any less real.” He takes my coffee and the tray and places everything on the floor, returning to face me. His deep eyes hold so much love I just want to dive in and never come up for air.

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