Nothing to hide my insecurities behind.
All those thoughts and more swarmed around my mind, and my hands paused on my jeans as an uncontrollable tremble swept down my arms.
What was Idoing?
Suddenly, Derek’s hand gripped my chin, and he tilted my head up to meet his gaze. His eyes were so dark, like pools of ink that I could get lost in, but what struck me the most was how quiet my mind went the moment he touched me.
My concerns and worries melted away to nothing, and all I could focus on was how firm his grip was, how he was close enough that I could just about feel his breath ghosting over my cheek.
“Slowly,” Derek instructed quietly. “I want you to take your clothes offslowly.”
I nodded once, and his touch fell away. I had never done anything like this before, not even with my ex, and I had absolutely no idea how to slowly remove my clothes in a way that was alluring. I undid the button on my jeans, lowered the zipper, and slowly started to push them past my hips.
“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” Derek asked. He stood in front of me, his stance wide and his arms once again crossed. Just hearing those words flared my cheeks hotter, and a sudden small grunt came from him.
“The way your cheeks are rosy tells me that maybe no one has.”
“It’s...” I started awkwardly, but he hushed me with a click of his tongue.
“If you’re going to speak,” he said, “I want clear, concise answers.”
I fought the scoff in my throat. I wasnota clear, concise person.
“No,” I said breathlessly, leaning down to get my shoes off and kick off these impossible jeans. My hair fell forward like a heated blanket, and by the time I straightened up, my face was flushed hotter. I was terrified and excited all at the same time.
“Ithink you are beautiful,” Derek said, and he began to pace around me in a very slow circle. “The brightness in your eyes, the beautiful way your lips come together like a heart. The apple of your cheeks, the deep curves of your body... all of it.”
“Curves?” I repeated in disbelief. “Don’t you mean—”
“Curves,” Derek interrupted. “But your instinct to correct me, to have me say a different word like... fat, perhaps?Thatis what you need to change.”
He finished his circle and stopped in front of me.
“Clothes don’t make a person new. Internal change does. Growing that confidence from in here...” Derek reached forward and gently pressed two fingers to where my heart would be. My skin jumped at his contact. I had never been touched by a man before, and here I was, standing in my underwear, getting excited because Derek’s hand was so close to my breast.
This had to be some kind of dream.
“Tell me,” he instructed. “What prompted this change? When I first saw you in your blouses and elegant skirts, you exuded much more comfortable confidence than you do in these jeans. Why the change now?”
My heart continued to race, and my mouth ran dry as I contemplated the honesty of my answer.
“It was a spur of the moment,” I replied.
“Bullshit. Tell me the truth.”
There was something about the intensity of his dark gaze that made me want to do exactly that. It was the same intensity that had me feeling calm despite the absurdity of this moment and what had me convinced this was some kind of dream.
This was as far from being a good girl as I could get.
“There was someone,” I began, and my voice quavered once more. “Someone who made me feel seen for the first time in... well, ever. And I wanted to chase that feeling just for a little bit because I...” I paused, and Derek raised one dark brow expectantly.
“I’mtired. I’m tired of being the good girl with nothing in my life but books and grades. I’m tired of being overlooked because of my weight, and people can’t see past it. I’m tired of only being concerned with deadlines and papers, with tests and keeping everything on track that makesotherpeople happy.Iwant to be happy.”
The words spilled out of me like a river, and I couldn’t stop them. Maybe it was the fear of standing there in my underwear or it was the exhilaration of doing something so far out of the norm, but I was riding a high I had never even tasted before. Whatever the reason, the words came, and Derek smiled.
“There it is,” he said quietly, “the real reason you didn’t walk out that door. Change is good. You just have to embrace it.” He stepped away and placed both his hands on his narrow hips. “Keep going.”
My heart stilled. Taking off my top and jeans had been easier, in a way. But my underwear? Exposing myself like that to a breathtakingly handsome guy like that? My hands came together, and I clutched at my own knuckles as Derek’s gaze slowly drifted down me.