Page 10 of Shattered Desires

Spence scoots closer to me on the couch, and I stop him before he brushes up against me.

“It’s okay. I know it’s weird. I didn’t believe the doctors at first. It made no sense. I always thought that only old people got Alzheimer’s, but apparently, that’s why they tack on that little early-onset thing to the name.”

“What happened?” Spence questions. “How’d you find out?”

The look in his emerald stare tells me he’s genuinely concerned, and I am too. I hate it. I hate that my mom is sick.

“She started forgetting little things—appointments, where she parked her car at the store. Things just slipped her mind.” I shrug, inhaling a jagged breath. “But then she forgot to pay her bills—for months—and we almost lost the house on Quarry by default.”

“Holy fuck, Dec.” Spence reaches out and pulls me into his chest. “I had no idea. If I would have known…”

I pull out of his embrace. “Stop it. I wasn’t about to call you and tell you about my mom. Knowing you, you would have been on the first plane—or train, or van, or whatever—back here. And I wanted you to go out and experience everything you were missing.”

“But I could have at least been here for you.” Spence shakes his head as his features fall. “That’s what friends do, you know. That’s what we’ve always done for each other.”

He’s right. We always have… until the band blew up and he left to travel. And life just happened.

“You know, I was never even going to take that internship. Sure, I love photography, and it was an incredible experience, but I wouldn’t have taken it if the band wouldn’t have blown up the way it did.”

I thought I remember him saying that he wasn’t going to take it and then changed his mind.

“Why?” It’s all I can get out because I still don’t understand why he would have ever considered passing up that opportunity.

“I didn’t want to leave you.” Spence blows out a breath through pursed lips. “How’s your mom doing now?” He changes the subject, and the air in the room shifts.

“We can talk more about Mom, okay? Just not tonight, though. There’s too much heavy shit happening at once, and I’ve got to be in bed early. The guys and I have a radio interview tomorrow, and I need to be on my A game.” I smile at him, silently begging him to drop all things Mom and Kade.

“Can I see her?”

“Of course, you can. Before we go out on tour, I promise.”

After Spence and I talk for a little while longer, he leaves so I can get some sleep before the interview. Without moving from the couch, I lean back and close my eyes, the four walls closing in on me. What seemed like small, miniscule moments he and I have shared flash behind my eyelids.

His hand on my back. The way we snuggled in close together while watching movies. The way we danced together. His winks and my inability to forget him—even after all this time.

All the ways we shouldn’t have ever gotten comfortable enough to be but did.

All the things that made me fall in love with the man who used to be my best friend.

***

6

***

DECLAN

“This is Joanie from WXQ7, and I’m here with the hottest band in the world—so hot they don’t even have to release new music or perform on stage and their music is still at the top of the charts,” Joanie, one of the top radio hosts in Chicago, for one of the most highly rated and listened to stations, croons into the microphone, adjusting her headphones on her ears before looking over to where I sit with the guys. She’s got a beautiful ice-white bob going on, along with some killer ink covering the majority of her neck. If I were a lesbian, she would one hundred percent be my type.

“Bordeaux, Declan, Miller, and Flynn of Reckless Desires are sitting directly across from me right now, and I know you guys are all going to be jealous of me, but I swear I’m going to get you as much information as I can, okay?” Joanie says into the microphone before looking back at us. “Let’s start with what’s going on with you guys lately. What’s up? What’s happening? What the hell went down with your old label, and tell us about your new label.” Joanie looks between the four of us, and Bordeaux makes a move toward his mic.

“Honestly, we were unhappy for a while,” Bordeaux says, glancing at us. I give him a nod before scooting up to my mic to back him up.

“Collectively, we knew the best thing to do for ourselves and our sound would be to move forward on our own. That’s why we, along with our old label, decided to part ways. Mutually,” I tell Joanie and the thousands of people who are listening right now, careful to say exactly what our lawyers have advised us to say. I’d love to rip Hellfire a new asshole, but legally, I’m bound. I glance out the window that partitions a viewing area from the studio where Isla sits with Mia. They both give me a reassuring nod and smile, and I hope that means I didn’t just sound like I was totally evading Joanie’s question.

Miller nods, squeezing my shoulder. “Rebellion Records is our little rock baby, and we’re excited to release our own music on our own time and really dig into the sound we want to release to our fans. We’ve been officially launched for about a year now, and we’re starting the releasing and touring process now. We’re so fucking excited.” Miller flashes a bright white smile, quickly muttering out an apology for cursing on air, and it hits me for the millionth time that we’re really living this life.

Flynn interjects, and I can’t help but smile like an idiot as he talks. We were all devastated when we almost lost him. I think it put how fragile life is into perspective for all of us, and I still have a hard time being totally normal around him. I know that’s terrible, but it’s the truth. I don’t want to send him back to the place he was in last year.

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