Page 44 of Shattered Desires

“Melanie.” My mom pulls her into a hug. “Honey, I’m so sorry. I know things weren’t good between the two of you, but this is still hard on you too.”

Judging by what Kade told us about Melanie cheating on him and gambling all their money away, I doubt Melanie gives two shits about what happened to my brother. I don’t exactly have room in my conscious to give her the benefit of the doubt—I’ve betrayed my brother enough. I’m not about to welcome his estranged wife, who fucked him over, in with open arms.

“Melanie,” I say dryly as she steps toward me, “thanks for coming.”

She’s perceptive, I’ll give her that. She takes a step backward, putting space between us. “Hi, Spence.”

I look beyond her to the next people in line in hopes that she can take a hint, but she stays in place, her eyes roaming between me and my family.

“I know what’s been said about me by Kade. And today is not the day, nor is this the time or place to tell you the truth. But I just want you to all know that I’m not the person he painted me to be. There’s more to the story between the two of us. I truly am sorry for your loss. Despite what Kade and I have been through, I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone.” Although it sounds like she’s memorized a script, I think she’s being genuine, and it makes me wonder what she’s talking about. She’s right, though—it’s not the time or place to dig into their marriage issues. Besides, she could say whatever now… it’s not like we could cross-check her potential lies.

Melanie pays her last respects to my brother, placing her hand on his closed casket and sniffling. She turns and hands me a white piece of paper with her cell phone number written on it before walking out of the funeral home.

I stick the paper in my suit jacket pocket before scanning the people left sitting in the room. My eyes finally land on Declan. She’s talking with Isla and the guys. She’s smiling but it’s not a smile smile. It’s more of an I’m hoping no one sees through this mask I’ve put on smile. She’s not okay, and I know it. How could she be?

I glance down at my watch and see we’ve got five minutes before the end of the viewing. The only thing getting me through this is the fact that I’ll be with Declan shortly. Even if she isn’t my biggest fan right now, she’s still the only person I want to be around.

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28

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DECLAN

Isla and I cross over the threshold to Spence’s parents’ house arm in arm. She’s been my rock throughout this entire thing. It’s been three weeks since the accident, and while my recovery has been hell, the most painful thing is the fact that Kade is gone. I still don’t remember the accident, but Miller has given me some of the details. I do remember only minutes before we left the theater and how I basically confessed my love for Spence right in front of Kade. How I told them both that I chose Spence. How I probably made Kade feel like shit.

And that was his parting gift from the world.

I don’t think this kind of grief will ever get better. Obviously not in a few weeks, but I don’t think three years would change a damn thing. I didn’t say what I said to be malicious. I can’t help the way I feel. I was just so sick of the two of them acting like I’m a prize to be won.

On top of everything else, our first tour on our own is shot. There is no way we can play the last three shows with my broken arm and collarbone. Thank God it wasn’t full-length, that it was just a quick East Coast tour. But still, I hate disappointing the people who support us.

“Hi, sweetie.” Mrs. Reid carefully brings me into her arms, ripping me away from my thoughts. I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose your son. She feels fragile in my arms, like at any moment, she’s going to snap and combust into a million pieces. “Thanks for coming.”

“Mrs. Reid, I’m so sorry,” I tell her. I don’t know how to speak to her right now. I’m not sure if she’s upset with me because I was part of the accident too. I know her so well, but I’m not sure how she currently feels, other than broken.

She pulls away from me but cups my face in her cold hands.“Sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry about. The only person who should be sorry is the driver of that other car. He shamelessly took my son’s life. He could have taken yours and Miller’s too. He got behind the wheel of a car intoxicated, knowing damn well he shouldn’t.” Her voice cracks, and she clears her throat before she continues. “A lot of us have probably had that choice while drinking. Do I get into my car and drive, or do I inconvenience myself by staying put until I’m sober? He made the wrong choice that night, and he took my baby and could have taken my other baby too.” She starts to cry and pulls me into her. “I’m so happy you’re okay, sweetheart. I can’t imagine losing both of you. Not after we’ve all just reconnected again.”

My heart breaks even more for her, and I wipe away my tears, trying to remain resilient for Mrs. Reid. Spence steps up to us, and Isla excuses herself to go sit in the living room with Bordeaux and the guys.

“Thanks for coming, Dec,” Spence greets me, and he wraps an arm around his mom. “It means a lot to us that you’re here.”

His words come out too formal for the relationship we share, but it makes sense now that everything has shifted.

I nod and Mrs. Reid gives me her best smile before she walks away to greet people who just came through their front door, leaving Spence and me alone. The air between us feels heavy, and I hate that I don’t know how to act.

“Will you come up and talk with me for a few minutes before dinner?” he asks, and I can’t say no. Part of me doesn’t want to, while another part of me craves his closeness, no matter how fucked up this situation has become.

We go upstairs and into the room I’ve been in countless times. Mr. and Mrs. Reid never changed Kade’s or Spence’s rooms when they moved out, and this is the exact same space I remember. My eyes roam over the dark gray walls, the posters stuck on the walls with colorful thumbtacks. His desktop computer that probably hasn’t been turned on in ages sits on a dusty desk with a burnt-orange rolling chair in front of it. I smile thinking about how many times we sat there on Myspace, rearranging our top friends.

“God, this place hasn’t changed one bit,” I say, nostalgia warming my core.

Spence plops down on his bed and leans back on his elbows, watching me take in the room. It’s been so long, but standing in here makes me feel like we just came home from the movies or from one of Kade’s football games on a Friday night.

“I’m so sorry, Dec.” Spence’s voice is low and gritty. “I fucked everything up and nothing can change what’s happened. I don’t know how to fix this… but I want to.” He sits up with his elbows on his knees, his eyes not leaving my own. “I’m in love with you. I know that much. And I know you feel things for me, or what happened in that Vegas hotel room wouldn’t have happened. I just don’t know where to go from here. These past three weeks have been fucking hell. You’re the only person I’ve wanted to talk to, but I know you need time after what you found out. And my parents need me here.”

Spence starts rambling, and I don’t even know what to say. So instead, I walk over to him and push him back on the bed and lie down next to him, making sure to lie on my right side so my broken arm is in the air as opposed to bearing my weight. We’ve lain together like this a million times, so when he hooks his arm around me, it feels like home.

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